Fear of death (dream smp)

25. Sapnap

For a week or two, things had calmed down to say the least, however it never answered my questions regarding Sapnap, Dream and well... everything. However I was too scared to see them, I wasn't even sure how to approach them about it in the first place. These changes and feelings didn't sit right with me, yet I did not have the courage to look for them. It was as though I was living in fear, and I hated it.

In the meantime, Phil had made himself at home with us for a more permanent stay, Techno helped him with his things. Whereas I did a lot of thinking. Sensei hadn't written back to me which was upsetting, but I dealt with that. I knew I needed patience. The two faces who couldn't escape from my mind was Quackity and Sapnap. Since when were they in cahoots with each other and why? Unless there was something I didn't know going on, which concerned me the most. I was so in the dark with everything, it made me think, was I in this for the right reasons, in the chance of killing countless others? I didn't want to hurt anyone, I sincerely didn't, but if my life or someone I cared for was threatened, that was a whole different scenario.

Like now I took a lot of time walking, anywhere really. I ended up in a dessert once and had to sleep in a villagers inn. Techno wasn't happy when I returned the next morning. This walk in particular led me to a flower forest, littered with an array of beauty, small bees buzzing around and other animals walking around with such peace. As I walked, I tried to brush aside the thoughts of reality. Obviously that is more difficult than it seems, but I did my best. Ever since these past few occurrences I never left the house without my weapon, and I was always armed. As much as I hated the heaviness on my shoulders, I felt this constant fate of fear, someone could turn on me any second and I needed to be prepared. Well as for this instance I left the house without my chest piece as my shoulders were aching.

As I entered closer into the forest I spotted the silhouette of something, and out of the corner of my eyes I saw a familiar face, not one I was particularly happy to see. Sapnap was sitting on the soft grass, his bandana flowing slightly in the wind. I tried stepping back, not wanting any confrontation when he spoke, "I see you Y/n."
My heart sunk as I stepped out of the side of the tree.
He got up, looking at me, as he stepped forward, I stepped back, fearfully. He seemed shocked by my action, suddenly stopping in his tracks.
"Y/n?"
I stayed silent for a moment, "Is Quackity anywhere near here?" I questioned.
"No, why would that be an issue?"
"Oh I don't know, maybe because you are working on his side and he's tried to kill me like three times." I rolled my eyes.
"You don't understand Y/n."
"What don't I get? You are Dream's right hand man, what happened?" I tilted my head.
He sighed, "He just Doesn't care, and to put it bluntly, he doesn't care about you either, or Techno."
"How exactly."
"Everything is for his own gain, the discs, being saved, making allies, all part of his plan."
I was taken aback, "But he saved my life?"
"To gain your trust." He said bluntly.
"At least he was there." I said coldly, " Whilst I was being hunted down by men with axes, just in bare rags."
He had a look of guilt on his face, "I didn't know it would go that far..."
"Well it was scary, nightmarish even, I didn't want to die." I held my breath for a second, "God why am i even telling you this."
"I don't want you to be afraid of me." Sapnap said softly, edging closer.
"You don't understand how vulnerable I felt, I want to protect people, and I can't do that when I have to be saved all this time. Maybe I've gone soft I don't fucking know. I don't know anything anymore." I said softly hanging my head.
He stayed silent, I hated showing vulnerability.
"When I arrived here, you were the first person I trusted, I saved your life, and yet you have to side with Quackity, it doesn't sit right with me."
"Y/n, please understand, I care for you and that's why I allowed you to escape when you saved Phil! I don't want any threat to your life." He urged.
I rubbed my face with my hand, "Sapnap I-."
Hearing a rustle in the leaves, I heard a familiar voice, "Oi Sapnap where the hell are you."
Quackity...
I stared at Sapnap, "You lied to me." I said angrily before bolting away, not wanting to be caught.
God what was I thinking.
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The next chapter is going to be sadder than expected....

-author out