Dragging myself out of bed I realise it's after 11am, if nothing else lockdown is making me lazy. I've never known myself sleep in until nearly midday since I was a teenager and I know when I'm fully back to work it's going to kill me having to get up early. Making my way downstairs I make myself a coffee before finding Jamie and Beau in the garden kicking a football around.
"Is this a double PE lesson or is the teacher slacking?" I ask sitting down on the patio sofa "I mean don't stop on my behalf"
"Actually we were waiting for you to rise from the dead to see if you want to book a table somewhere and go for lunch well maybe dinner now it's already nearly lunch"
"I'd say yes but it's the first day restaurants have been open for months, we'd never get a table, J" I'd love to go out for dinner with Jamie and Beau but on the first day of hospitality opening for the first time in months, it screams carnage to me.
"Lucky for you, me and Beau thought ahead and we've booked a table just at Bella Luna but we all love the food there and it saves cooking"
"Jamie, you don't cook but okay. We'll go for dinner, what time are we booked for?" I ask finishing my coffee wondering how long I have to get myself ready.
"Not until 7:30 I made sure I left long enough for you to sort yourself out"
"You're the best!" I say jumping up off my seat kissing Jamie "I'm going for a shower"
Walking back inside I make my way to the bathroom with the same sickly feeling I've had for well over a week now. I don't want to say anything to Jamie, in all honesty I don't want to scare him away but deep down I know I need to pull my big girl pants up and take a pregnancy test. Yes I'm a grown woman and more than capable of deciding if I want to have a baby or not but at my age I also feel embarrassed that I haven't been careful enough. I've been on the pill since I was a teenager, I know how to take it and I know by now I can't get lazy with it but I haven't been taking it regularly. I've been taking it when I remember, which lately hasn't been often.
Finding the pregnancy test I've already bought and hidden I take a deep breath. Going with the feeling in my gut I already know what to expect I just need confirmation before I say anything to Jamie. Yes we briefly spoke about kids but not to the point where it was decided that we'd definitely try for a baby together at some point. Opening the box I read the instructions following them to the letter. I've only ever done one pregnancy test before in my life and it was when I was 17, or young and stupid as I like to remind myself.
Sitting on the side of the bath is the most agonising three minutes of my life waiting for the timer on my phone to go off. I've never felt so twitchy in all my life. I know what the result is going to be but now in my head I'm going over how I'm going to break the news to Jamie and my family. When the timer on my phone goes off I nearly jump out of my skin I'm so lost in my thoughts. Picking the life changing white stick up from beside me, just as I expected it reads 'pregnant 3+ weeks'. I never thought about how I'd react in this moment as I grew up dreaming of having kids but it wasn't this. I don't cry, I'm not upset, I'm happy but even having the confirmation in front of me, I'm shocked.
Staring at the positive pregnancy test in front of me I don't move. In my head I'm thinking of what's to come all the exciting things to look forward to but I'm also thinking what if Jamie doesn't want this. What if he thinks I've gone this to trap him? What if he ends things and wants nothing to do with the baby? What if the kids don't want this?
I know I need to tell Jamie about this but I don't know when to tell him. He knows me so well I know he'll notice straight away that something is off with me which makes me think that telling him before dinner is the best chance I'll get especially today. Taking my time in the shower I wash my hair thinking about how I'm going to tell Jamie. I know it can't be anything elaborate, it's not me and it's not Jamie. That's not the kind of couple we are. Before I know it I'm sat in the dressing room hairdryer in hand. I feel like I'm in a daze.
Hearing Jamie come into the bedroom I make my way from the dressing room and sit on the bed facing him. The only way I'm going to ease this feeling is by telling him. I've got an idea of what I want to say to him but I know it's going to come out totally different.
"You okay El? You don't look good" Jamie asks turning to look at me. Taking a deep breath I prepare myself for the worst.
"I need to tell you something"
"What is it? You're worrying me now Ellie"
"I don't know how to tell you this Jamie but I'm pregnant" I can't look at Jamie, I can't stand the thought of seeing his face if he's disappointed.
"Ellie please tell me you're not joking" Walking into the bathroom I pick up the positive pregnancy test and take it back to the bedroom handing it to Jamie.
"I'm not joking Jamie" I say sitting back on the bed my leg shaking with nerves.
"Babe this is amazing! I didn't think at my age I'd be able to give you a baby and I know you didn't say it but I know how much you wanted this at some point" Jamie says wrapping his arms around me squeezing me tight before kissing me.
"I do want this but I love you for you Jamie. If this didn't happen for us I'd somehow be okay with that because I've got you but knowing it is happening, makes me realise that this is what I need in life. I know I'm not his mum but spending so much time with Beau just made me realise even more that I want to be a mum"
"You'll be the best mum, Ellie. I love you and I can't wait for us to add to our family. The boys are going to be so excited"
"We should probably wait until I've seen a doctor until we tell them. I just want to make sure everything is okay plus we don't know how they'll take it. They could absolutely hate that this is happening" I say sitting back on the bed pulling Jamie with me.
"They won't hate that this is happening and don't stress about it please. You've seen how much Charley and Beau love you they'll be happy they're getting a brother or sister" I know Jamie's trying to reassure me but until the boys know and I know they're okay with this I won't relax. "Come on finish getting yourself ready for dinner and once you've been to see a doctor we'll decide how to tell the boys until then don't worry" Jamie says kissing me as he stands up. I know he's right and I need to do what I can to chill out about this until I have something to stress about.
jamie.redknapp
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Liked by elliethomas and 36,310 others jamie.redknapp family dinner out at our favourite place with this one looking 🔥🔥 View all comments username she's so young compared to Jamie username Jamie deserves better than a gold digger he was so much better off being with Louise elliethomas punching you jokes ur the fit one in our relationship ↪️ username you mean he's the one providing the money for your life style ↪️ elliethomas ur boring 🥱🥱🥱
