If My Heartbreak Was A Book

chapter 1

Part of me always knew we weren't going to work but I wanted us to so badly that I pushed that thought into the back of my mind, I should of known better, I should of stuck with my original plan but there you were standing in front of me looking at me as if you could see right through me like you could see what I went through and what I could feel, I never felt so open to another person before it felt like i was a book and you were the reader, I felt as if you read each word slowly as possible taking it at all in but deep down I knew I shouldn't of been this open to a boy I barely knew well at least I thought I barley knew, I never realized I knew more about you til you were gone and i never knew you would take part of me with you, you took the part I fought so hard to bring back but sadly enough that wasn't the only thing you took with you. You somehow had the advantage to take the part I didn't want others to see because they would judge me hard for it but as you took it, I realize that was the only reason to my smile, but now there's this void the I can't really fill and slowly each day it's getting worse. I never thought I would fall in love again not after my last but there you were holding the key to my heart somehow you knew exactly what to do for it to beat once again, somehow you knew how to make me feel alive and with your words I found home and peace, I won't lie I was a terrible partner but deep down all I wanted was for you to prove you wouldn't leave, for you to stay but sadly enough, the thought that I buried so deeply in the back of my mind that we wouldn't work was right we didn't work, now when I look at you I no longer see the boy I fell in love with, I no longer see the boy with beautiful brown eyes, I see a boy who gave up when things got hard, I see a boy who struggles with more problems then my own, and lastly I see a boy who can't find home. When I think of you tears find their way to my eyes and down my face, and somehow while I cry my voice will not appear to explain to my mother what is going on, some say I should Hate you but I do not, I don't think there is a bone in my body that could hate you, instead I am hurt by you that causes me to hate myself, the reason I hate myself is because no matter what I do I still love you, I know your not coming back and I know your no longer mine but I can't help but look at our pictures and videos, right now they're the only reason why I'm still going, if you could make me love and feel once again, I'll use that as motivation til someone new comes along, someone who can make me not afraid of love and prove to me that they are worth it, but sadly enough they will never be worth it to me as much as you were, even though you proved that you couldn't stay, you did prove that I was lovable in the short time of being with you. I will always be thankful for you and I will always have love for you but like Emily said to Victor "I love you but you are not mine to love " I let you go but I was not ready but it was for the best you moved on with someone new, someone who is good for you, and even though it still breaks my heart all I want is for you to be happy even if it's killing me.