If My Heartbreak Was A Book

chapter 2

I wasn't the best partner and I can admit that honestly but that was my way of pushing you away, you knew to much about me, you knew about my dad and yet I still let you meet him, part of me knew that was a bad idea specifically because I knew how attached I was getting to you, but there I was smiling when you told my Bio dad that you wouldn't ever break my heart and told him how much you love me, deep down I was at peace and I was okay with being in love with you but I should of known better, I should of stayed closed off but I didn't I let you see parts of me I didn't want others to see yet I felt safe around you. There's something about you that makes it hard to let you go, but you are just a boy that my future children will hear about when they ask about heartbreak, no you will not be the type of heartbreak that was just full of pain because you were not just pain, you were love, goofiness, and happiness when they hear about you of course they will hear about the stuff bear that I named Milo, the first time I slept over, and the first time I broke my own rule and told you "I love you" first. When I tell them about you they will not know your name because your name cause my heart to ache and I do not wish to keep feeling this hurt, when they hear about you they will understand why I get sad for no reason when I pass by a certain places, and yes they will hear about the break downs the ones I could not controll, they will hear about the manic episode I had to change the way I look, they will hear about how I didn't eat or sleep right, and when they do I hope they take it in as a sign to not open up as fast as I did with you, and sadly I will be that girl your children will never know about. If there is ever a day were our paths may cross I hope we can look at each without me feeling hurt, right now I do not think I could even be in the same room as you without the tears finding they're way to my eyes once again. My heart has never wanted someone as badly as I do you, it is taking everything in me to not hit that unblock button, when I describe heartbreak it would be brown eyes, shaggy hair, and a touch a I cannot describe if I were to speak, if " I love you" were just not some words people throw around, would you mean it? I had once made a promise to you that I would never leave a promise I tried so hard to keep, breaking it is the thing playing in my mind along with the memories you left behind, we both could not keep our promise we held yours was to love me and not leave and mine was the same yet you stop loving me and I stopped being there, we both had broke our promise just in different ways, but not a part of me regrets meeting you, but you are just a boy and I am just girl who paths cross, to me you are a book and to you I was not even a chapter, sadly enough maybe just a line.