If My Heartbreak Was A Book

chapter 4

Now I will not lie, I haven't deleted the photo of us, I haven't fully got over you, it still brings tears to my eyes when I see you or hear your name, I tried everything but part of you still sticks with me and maybe its just me but I do not know I don't hate you but I hate the way you say my name, maybe it's just me maybe I seen so much potential in you and wanted you more then anything I got lost and some days are worse then others like tonight, I never thought I will have so much memories with you in small places of my town but that road or that store afraid to see if you bring someone new or afraid I'll see you scared that if you see me I'll break, I hate tonight's like this one where I see a stupid tik tok that a 10 yr old made and it'll say my initial loves yours which is not lie but when I see that your initial loves mine it brings me some kind of hope but I know it is not real, I know you no longer remember our phone calls, our first kiss, I know that you no longer want me, I came to terms with yet I don't understand why it had to me you wish to break, and if you had ever really loved me why would you cause me this pain? why would you let me trust you just for you to break it ? Theses are question I'll probably never have answers too, slowly I'm moving on but yet I still crave your touch...your kiss...your voice.. I miss the way you use to look at me, I miss the forehead and hand kisses, I miss the joking around and playing games. I hate that it all went to waste, down the drain, I finally unblock you because I knew that I would not text you this time around and as much as I wish I would I will not, I will not allow myself to be broken by you again and I will not because I will not be your second choice or option because you and her did not work out I will not be that girl you use as your rebound, as much as I love you I can't let you hurt me, I have not fully recovered from our relationship and when I date I find some parts of you in the new partner I get but I either leave them or just not in love because they'll never compare to you, part of me wants to leave this town to be far away from you as I can get but the other part wants to stay because this is where I met you where I fell in love. Are there days where you miss me or crave my touch? Do you miss the way I would hug you or talk to you? Why does it feel like the more I try to move on the more questions appear and start to hold me back, I don't understand you my love I don't understand why you broke me and played me, there had to be some type of love you had for me right? Why do I stress this so much. As much as I want to figure this out and make you understand that it was me who love you I know I can't, I wish I had one last proper goodbye to you and I'm glad that when I had to you removed you that you understood, and thoses pictures that I saved from you where pictures I took on your phone, I love you but I do not deserve this hurt, this pain, this confusion not from you...