Sugar and Spice (Completed)

Chapter 7

Writing emotions on paper is easier than saying them   -   Leila

"Daddy stuck around but he wasn't present... Cheated on your mom but she never left him... First I didn't get it now I understand..." Daddy Issues by The neighbourhood plays on full volume in my earbuds.

"He broke her heart, left money in her hand... So everything got paid for, she made sure you and your brother had way more than she ever had growing up, but when you told me the whole story I felt like throwing up... I could see it on your face it was rough, left a bad taste on your tongue, and she didn't even take any drugs, she would rain all day couldn't wait for her son, to shine. You made her shine. There when she cried, you saved her life...."

I look up to see Zane's eye and she's looking at me with both amazement and shock. I take off my earbuds after shutting the music off. "What?" I ask annoyed.

"Your singing is beautiful." She says leaving me to realize I sang the song without noticing. I groan and continue the playlist. The next song is Sweater weather. Another one of my faves. Ugh. She pulls one of my earbuds out and I'm about to yell at her when she tells me "We're here."

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The next couple of weeks is the same. I study and listen to sad ass songs and Zane doesn't give a flying fuck about me. I sigh as I lay down the new book I'm reading - She gets the girl - It's a hate-to-love relationship type of book. I really hope we will be like that... I want Zane to care about me. I want her to cuddle me. I want her to help keep the bad thoughts away. I take my diary and open it on a clean page. I take my black pan and start writing a new entry.

Hello to whoever is reading this,
You really shouldn't but whatever, right? I mean it's just my deepest darkest secrets and super dark thoughts that if I ever even think of saying to another person, I'll for sure end up in a psych ward at best. Anyway, I'd like to talk about Zane. She is so beautiful on the outside, yet so ugly on the inside. I want to make this forced marriage work, but she isn't putting in any kind of effort. If she were to walk the extra mile maybe something would change. But she won't. I feel helpless. I feel Hopeless. I am falling for a woman that wants nothing to do with me.
God... What am I even doing? Putting all of my emotions on paper. Like it'll make them disappear. It won't. I know it won't. Life isn't like that. You can't write something and it'll suddenly become a fucking dream. Or in my case, a nightmare.

Goodbye, Leila <3 

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I'm sorry... Anyway, I'm starting school again tomorrow so expect wayy fewer chapters.
-Alex.