Chaos (Colby Brock)

107

I was sick of feeling so unstable. I wanted to curl up in a ball and die most of the time but I was glad that Colby was here with me.

He has really been so supportive about all of this and I felt bad when I was acting bitchy.

I really couldn't control it though, especially when I was feeling really low.

Going back to the house was harder than I was expecting. I felt ashamed of myself for acting how I was and being how I was.

It was embarrassing being so hungry for drugs that you would say or do anything.

I could feel the control starting to slowly come back, but it felt like it was taking forever.

Time moved so slow. Everyday felt like an eternity.

"Jules." Colby said and scratched my back as I ate my ice cream.

"Hm?" I asked and looked up at him. "How are you feeling?" He asked causing me to shrug.

"I just want the pain to go away." I said as he nodded. "I know, sweetheart. You're doing so good though. I'm very proud of you." He said as I blinked slowly, taking a spoonful of ice cream.

I hated when Colby said he was proud of me. I understood that he was being supportive and nice but I just didn't feel proud of myself.

I was a fucking mess.

"Did you want to go downstairs and paint?" Colby asked as I shook my head, looking at the balcony.

I could feel a certain amount of fear bubbling in my chest, remembering that I was snatched from that balcony.

I didn't expect to be this freaked out but I couldn't stop my hands from shaking.

"I know the girls are excited that you're back. You obviously don't have to go down to be with them if you aren't ready, but it might be a good step." Colby suggested.

"No." I said then sniffled and looked down at my cup of ice cream. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach again and didn't want to eat it.

"Here." I said and held the cup out to him. "Aw, Jules." Colby said with a frown.

"I'm full." I lied then handed it to him. "I'll put it in the freezer. You can have it later." He said then stood up.

"Please don't try anything." He said and turned to look at me before leaving the room.

I was so exhausted and spent from today that I didn't even bother getting up to snoop.

I wanted to feel numb but I could feel the dependency slowly dwindling away.

I still wanted the drugs more than anything in the world, but I was just too tired to try and find them.

Part of me thought that if I started to comply they would think I was cured and I could get some pain pills.

I sat there and stared at the floor, zoning out. I was sweating and shaking since that's just what my life consisted off.

I constantly felt sick and now I felt so scared that I didn't want to move.

If I moved it would bring attention to me.

"You okay?" Colby asked as I shook my head. "What's going on? I can help you." He said and came over, sitting next to me.

"I'm just scared." I mumbled as he nodded. "I know. You're doing good though, please don't think you aren't." He said and wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

"Can I take a bath?" I asked and looked up at him. "Of course. Come on." He said then stood up and held his hand out.

I thought it was cute how soft he was being and how patient he was.