Nothing breaks quite like a heart | Kakashi angst | High school AU

I: Two months

Chilly mornings.

Fallen leafs.

You could smell the winter coming from miles away.

The only reason I even bothered climbing up from bed was him. I knew I'd see his glowing smile, and sunshine-like personality. I knew I didn't deserve him. Far from it.

I trusted Rin to take good care of him. The only reason I bothered on living, was that I could still be here for him if he'd ever need me.

When I could be sure that he would no longer need me for anything, I could simply just commit suicide, without feeling guilty.

That was my plan for living. It may sound kinda depressing, but that was fine with me. I didn't deserve to stay here for any longer, just taking up space.

I always reminded myself of how pathetic I was at night, before going to sleep. Not like I got all that much sleep, but still.

Slicing the already scarred skin on your wrists while feeling the tears of joy roll down your cheeks was awesome.

Feeling the blood slowly pour out and seeing the white lines turn red.

Letting a few minutes pass, and feeling ashamed and disappointed in yourself.

Every.

Single.

Night.

I would have killed myself long ago, if it wasn't for him.

The unbelievable amount of happiness I felt while looking in his eyes.

The unbearable amount of jealousy I felt when I saw him hang out with Rin.

I knew I couldn't live without him.

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-"Obito..."

-"Why did you want to meet here, Kakashi?"

-"..."

-"Hey, you can talk to me, you know?"

-"I love you."

-"..."

-"what?.."

-"I- I don't know why I feel this way, Obito..."

-"I don't feel the same way... sorry..."

"..."

--------------------------------------------------------------

It's crazy how much one conversation can change a person.

Commiting suicide isn't easy in modern society. Everything is supervised, and healthcare is also way too great.

Of course, everyone has thought about jumping off a building when asked about the easiest ways to kill yourself.

The problem is, where does one find a building tall enough? And how is anyone supposed to get on the rooftop?

Traintracks are one option too, but there is a risk of someone seeing you and calling an ambulance.

.

..

...

Drowning!

Wait...

That would be way too painful...

Am I ready to take the risk? Of course I am! I don't want to be in this misery any longer, not with such social anxiety and depression!

I don't want to feel so stressed anymore. I don't want to feel anxious at social gatherings anymore. I don't want to feel the need to kill myself anymore.

I just want to kill myself.

Drowning.

Probably the best option so far. I could also punish myself for being such a pathetic friend with killing myself in such a painful and horrible way.

.

..

...

I'll give myself two months.

After that, the name Hatake Kakashi shall be forgotten and buried deep down in their memories.

Or, better, completely forgotten, completely disappearing even from the oldest memories.

I remember it clearly.

Way back, when I was still a little kid, with no worries in life, I was always called a genius. I was always ahead of others. Always the top student. The smartest. The strongest. Just simply better than others.

Or at least that's what I was told. Slowly, I started to believe it myself. I was just born to be better than others.

As I got older, I started realising how wrong I was. I...

I wasn't better than others.

In fact, I was never even on par with others.

I just had thought so all my life.

And now I would pay for how I had thought back then. The kid who had seen others as weaker than him would finally disappear.

Well, not now, but in two months.

Two long and painful months left.