Nothing breaks quite like a heart | Kakashi angst | High school AU

VII: Mundane life

Um... I'm back?

Yeah umm this time my excuse is that I've had quite a bit of family problems during the past few months and my dad got sent to the hospital. Anyway, I hope my writing skills haven't dulled much during this "small" break from writing. Hope this chapter won't be much of a disappointment for you all :D

I sat alone in the corner of the classroom, as usual.

But something felt different. Something was different today.

I tried my best keeping my eyes open, staring at the floor, not making any noise. My hands felt heavy as steel plates, and the splitting headache didn't help.

I couldn't focus. It felt like time had stopped around me, and I could only move in slow-motion. Every part of my body felt like it was in pain- but nothing made sense to me. All I felt was the overwhelming feeling of tiredness, and my whole body aching. It felt like nothing was happening around me, but like everything was happening at the same time.

I really needed to sleep. But no matter how hard I tried to early at night, all I could think about was Obito. It was simple. Maybe my body was punishing me for ever thinking I had a chance with him? Maybe I deserved it after all? Who knows.

.

..

...

I heard muffled voices from far away.

No.. it wasn't from far away.

It was from a few meters away-

But I couldn't recognise the voices.

I opened my eyes, slowly blinking a few times until the realisitation finally hit my head.

I had fallen asleep in class, and probably missed a class or a few.

.

..

This couldn't be happening.

I had never fallen asleep in class before. No- this was a bad dream, a nightmare, right? No. This was reality.

I stilll felt tired, but I quickly stood up from my seat. My legs were aching all over, who knows why. I stuffed all the books laying on the desk into my bag as quickly as humanly possible while still being half-asleep.

What really stung my heart a little was the fact that no one had bothered to even try waking me up.

I quickly glanced at the school schedule on my hand.

oh.

I didn't actually have any more school left today. I slept through most of the whole day.

I felt so disappointed. Angry. Desperate. Numb.

Angry- how could I ever let myself fail so miserably? This was something that I should never let happen. I would have multiple hours of detention now. I gritted my teeth just thinking about it. Boring long hours of sitting in a silent classroom, probably daydreaming in the mundane environment.

It made me wanna scream. Rip my hair out in big chunks, screaming in pain. Pull my teeth out, coughing up blood. I wanted somebody to beat me up. Beat me until I can barely stand. Beat me until I can't take it anymore. Beat me until my limbs feel numb. Beat me until I'm covered in bruises and blood. Beat me until I can taste that delicous irony warm red liquid in my mouth. Beat me until breathing starts to feel like an enormous task.

I stared out of the window in the hallway.

The sky was a light blue color, a few small clouds were drifting along. A white gull flew past carrying something in it's mouth. The smell lingering in the air reminded me of freshly cut grass alongside a faint smell of sawdust. It all looked and seemed too good to be true.

Just then another bird appeared. It flew quickly towards the ground, and grabbed a worm in it's mouth. The worm struggled, but it couldn't escape the strong beak of the bird. The bird quickly gulped down the entire worm, leaving nothing behind.

That was more like life.

This cruel life.

I walked down the hallway, not paying attention to the dull gray walls surrounding me. Nothing to be excited about.

These meaningless thoughts.

Why am I thinking of worms and birds again?

All of it is meaningless.

Daily events like this aren't worth anything. Think about it this way. Imagine you ride a bus to school every day. Every single day you step in that same bus, and sit there for example for 30 minutes. Nothing ever happens during that time. You never miss those times. It's just something that happens. Something mundane. Something meaningless. Something that has no worth whatsoever in your life.

Things like that annoy me.

I like predictable life and routines, sure.

But not something that stays the exact same forever, eternally.

Think about emotions for example. You know that getting money makes you happy. You know that somebody close to you dying will make you sad. But even if you know how you'll be feeling about different things, the emotion itself is always different. There's lots of different types of the same emotion. Different intensitys aswell of course.

I don't want to live a boring life.

I don't want every day to be the same.

I don't want every day to be an exact duplicate of another.

But that's just life.

And we just have to obey the laws of life.

How I wish I could change.

Change myself.

Change everything.

But that is just an unreachable goal. Something that cannot be achieved. Some sort of distant dream. Something unrealistic. Impossible to achieve.

That reminded me of Obito.

He was a distant goal as well. Something unreachable. Somewhere on the unreachable side. It hurt. It stung. It made breathing difficult just thinking about it. Somewhere in my heart, a single cell hated the fact I loved him. I hated it and loved it.

How could I not love him? The way his eyes sparkled when he spoke about his interests. The way he always reached a hand out to you when you were in trouble. The way his laugh could light up an entire building. The way his eyebrows rose in surprise when you won against him in a game. The way his smile lines appeared when he smiled. The way his hands started shaking when he had to do something for the first time. The way he'd whisper you a secret in class and then laugh it off. The way his hair was perfectly spiky.

It was all perfection. Something I could never be.

Something unreachable for me.

Everytime I closed my eyes, his silhouette appeared before my eyes.

Before he had looked at me with such warm eyes, but now that gaze was blunt, avoidant and hurtful.

1 month and 24 days.

That's how long until I'll be set free.