Nothing breaks quite like a heart | Kakashi angst | High school AU

III: Endless void

I took a quick glance at my phonescreen.

4:50...

I couldn't sleep. I just couldn't. I wanted to cry. Again. I felt so weak.

But no matter what, the tears just wouldn't come out of my eyes.

I felt like I was glued to my bed, staring at the dark roof, wrists tingling like crazy.

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Why?

Why was I like this?

Why couldn't I be like everyone else?

Why did I feel like this every single night?

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I felt the sadness lift up from my heart, soon to be replaced by the familiar feeling of emptiness.

Nothing.

It felt like nothing. Like my heart had suddenly been filled with void. Endless void.

I wish I could just disappear. Just suddenly disappear. Not to exactly kill myself, but to just disappear without a trace.

It was one of my biggest dreams. But if I'd have one wish, it would be to erase everyone else's pain. That no one else would have to suffer like me ever again.

That no one would ever even consider committing suicide. That no one would ever even consider sliding a blade across their skin. That no one would ever even consider starving themself to feel validated by others. That no one would ever have to cry out of frustration because they disappointed their parents. No one should ever shed a single thought to these things.

That's just how messed up the world is. Not everyone is capable of realising how much they are hurting others mentally. Not everyone can feel empathy for others. Not everyone can shed tears for someone they never even met. Not everyone can see everyone as equals.

What's messed up is humanity. There's so many people on earth. And every single one of them has feelings. Every single one of them sheds tears when feeling completely torn apart. Every single one of them should be allowed to feel happiness.

But when the population is so high, there's no way that everyone can live happily. Some are forced to be unhappy for their entire lives. Yet, people choose to ignore that, since they aren't the ones suffering.

I just don't get it. Why? How? How can one ignore that? How is one capable of ignoring that?

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I wish I could just help everyone. But one man alone can't change the entire world. It's just not possible.

And yet, I still dream of achieving that. Even if it would be possible, no one would be able to achieve it in 1 month and 29 days.

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Oh right. I'm gonna die soon.

I hope no one will miss me. I don't want anyone to suffer because of me. I would never be able to forgive myself if someone would kill themselves because of my selfish actions.

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I wonder what Obito is doing right now? Is he dreaming about him and Rin? Or perhaps about fulfilling his dreams?

I don't know.

Everytime I say his name in my mind, I feel pain in my heart.

My heart only belongs to him, and him only.

If he chooses to break it, that's fine. It's his own choice, and I'd never blame him for that.

If he'd ever choose to make fun of me, I'd never be mad at him. It's his own life, his own choices, and anyway, like I said before, my heart belongs to him. He can do anything he wants with it.

Even if it would hurt me, I don't care. He is the most important thing in my life to me, and I'd sacrifice anything for him. Even if it would mean torturing myself or slowly tearing myself apart.

My life has no worth. I'd gladly sacrifice it for him anyday, even if he'd betray me a hundred times.

If I'd be bleeding to death, and he'd just be sitting next to me, I would just be glad to have him by my side.

That's just how much he means to me. I know I don't deserve him, but I'd do anything for him, even if he'd do nothing for me. That's the least I can do.

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