Nothing breaks quite like a heart | Kakashi angst | High school AU

XI: The crying heart

These chapters will be longer from now on since there's really no point in writing only a thousand words in one chapter like I've been doing before. Not much more, but a bit. Hopefully this will make reading this a more pleasent experience for you all.

"I love you Kakashi".

That's what he had said yesterday. Those three words echoed in my mind, like a never-ending voice-message.

I was afraid.

I was afraid it was all just a dream. I was afraid it was all just a sick joke. I was afraid that those three words didn't have any real thought behind them, like they were just meaningless pieces of some bigger artwork. I was afraid he had whispered those words out for the world to hear just as some experiment.

Even after Obito's speech back then in the snow, some pieces of the puzzle were missing. Some answers were still out of my reach, somewhere in the same unreachable side that Obito was in or at least had been in. The only way for me to get my hands on those pieces was to get Obito to fetch them from his mind and spell them out loud for my ears to hear.

Simply put I'd have to reach out to Obito. The silence between us had just grown louder after the whole incident on the tracks. But unlike before, it felt like there was some sort of invisible string connecting us. The silence no longer felt like an ice cold wall, something unpenetrable. Instead it was a sort of understanding silent wall, something that your voice could penetrate if it wanted to. That cold wall of silence from before would just launch your own words right back at you, laughing right back at you. This new curtain of quietness was located in the light, blessed by this world. The previous silence was alone in the darkness, in the midst of shadows and uncertainty.

.

..

...

Yet another monday.

We didn't talk.

Just gazing at each other, hoping the other wouldn't notice. Neither of us daring to take a step forward. Stealing glances at the other when seeing them in a fully packed hallway, but the heavy air suffocated us as soon as we tried to say a word. The vines in my throat forced all those words to stay hidden, keeping them prisoners. Seeing each other during recess, but neither of our bodies would listen to our minds. I just wanted to reach my hand out to him, but my body refused.

It was pure torture. The heavy air between us contained so many emotions and words, something we wished we could say out loud. But we couldn't. We both wanted to yell it out, scream and whisper. We wanted to let our hearts seek comfort in each other, combining into one. But we couldn't. We wanted to swim in the river of life together, sharing our thoughts. We wanted to cry our hearts out, let our souls find each other. All of it was written in the air, in our eyes and in our hearts.

The silence was killing me from the inside. It slowly crawled it's way up my spine, stabbing my flesh with a dagger, spraying saltwater in the wounds. Letting them bleed out, the liquid slowly pouring out my eyes at night. It was worse than a heartbreak; knowing he loved you and you loved him, but nothing ever happening. Knowing you could never let go of that love, as it had grown to be a part of you. It was rooted deep in your soul and your heart, a plant that could never be removed from the soil.

I waited and I waited.

I waited for him to reach out to me, for him to make some sort of move. But it just didn't seem to happen. It all felt like a way too realistic fever dream. A dream that still managed to pierce your heart, making it ache and scream. A dream that made you feel miserable; more miserable than ever before in your life. This was what real love felt like, suffering and pain. Feeling like you were being torn apart, your limbs being stabbed over and over again, your mind exploding. Your thoughts crying, your heart screaming and your eyes swelling up.