Nothing breaks quite like a heart | Kakashi angst | High school AU

V: Creative Mind

Um... Hi again?
How long has it been since I last opened wattpad? Definitely over 4 months... But hey, I'm back with the angst! Sorry this book is kinda cringe, I'm definitely not the best writer and english isn't my first language.

I felt like my heart was gonna jump out of my chest.

I felt like I was running out of breath, even though I was just standing still, looking at the teacher.

I hated P.E

I truly hated it.

It wasn't because I was weak, or not being a fast runner.

Actually, I was pretty strong. Everyone had told me so.

The one thing I liked about myself.

Running wasn't my strongest subject either, but I wasn't bad either.

The one reason I hated these lessons was quite simple.

The eyes.

I couldn't stand it. No matter what I did during P.E, I always felt like someone was watching me, staring at me and judging me. Quietly laughing at me, and judging my appearance, skills and everything.

Social anxiety is truly annoying.

And here I was again.

"Participating" in a P.E lesson.

I never participated fully. I just couldn't bring myself to do that. No matter what.

I couldn't care less about the grade I would get from P.E.

It was the only school subject that didn't matter at all.

.

..

...

We were standing in a line.

I, of course, was standing as far away from the others as possible.

Please, I beg you.

Don't make me do sports in front of the others .

I felt like my heart was pounding three times faster than before. My breathing was quickening, and my eyes were taking quick glances everywhere around me.

We had P.E once a week.

Two hours of torture in a row once a week.

.

..

...

Seconds felt like hours.

The teacher was standing in front of us, explaining something.

I couldn't focus.

The overwhelming feeling of anxiety was taking over every cell of my body.

I...

I...

I wish this would just all end!

I wish I would never have to feel this way!

I wish this torture was over already!

I bit my tongue.

I bit it so hard, that I felt like water was gonna come out of my eyes.

I continued pressing my teeth together.

A great distraction from reality.

I felt like my head was gonna explode any second now. I was sweating, even though I hadn't moved an inch during the past few minutes.

I felt like scratching the scars.

Oh yes, that would be so nice right now...

But no matter what I thought of, I couldn't get rid of the fact that I was in the middle of a P.E lesson.

The long sleeves of my hoodie felt so painfully uncomfortable right now.

How long had it been since the lesson had started?

I took a quick glance at the clock on the wall.

Only 10 minutes...

I felt so hopeless. I felt like I could sink into the ground right now and just stop existing.

I felt like smashing my head against a wall until I would fall down unconscious.

I started digging into my right hand with the nails on my left hand.

I wanted to feel pain.

I wanted to feel something other than sorrow and hopelesness.

I wanted to watch blood drip down from my neck.

Ironic, isn't it?

Red is definitely not my color.

I wish someone would come cut my fingers off right now.

Imagine watching your fingertips fall onto the floor and see blood bursting out of your hand?

Imagine seeing the beautiful color of blood again.

Imagine seeing everyone around you freak out. Imagine the look on their faces when they would see all that beautiful red liquid.

Oh wait! I got a even better idea!

Imagine getting sliced apart with a chainsaw!

Imagine the pain!

Imagine the blood!

Imagine your organs spilling out!

Imagine how much pleasure it would give you!

Imagine dipping your fingers in the blood that would drip out of your abdomen!

Imagine how you would scream in pain!

Imagine seeing the skin being torn apart!

Imagine biting your finger off!

Imagine tasting the irony taste of blood on your tongue!

Imagine slicing you hand off!

Imagine all the gore!

I have quite a funny mind, right?

I don't know how to explain the feeling I get out of thinking this.

I feel excited.

I feel... motivated?

I feel like I'm going crazy.

I month, 27 days.