Nothing breaks quite like a heart | Kakashi angst | High school AU

IX: You and me

I don't really know what to write here in the author's notes so let's just get started, shall we?

A week had passed since I had met that spare. Him and his idiotic smile alongside that dumb haircut. Him and his warm presence eerily similar to that of Obito's. It was definitely something, let me tell you that. It was something that made him his own person, but also something that made him a cheap duplicate of Obito. It made me feel a mixed feeling in my heart. I wanted to stay close to him, imagining what could have been with Obito. But it also made me want to stay far away, because it stung my heart just thinking of Obito when seeing him. It made me feel like a mess inside.

And yet here I was, waiting outside Guy's house early in the morning. He had proposed the idea of walking to school together in the morning, and I didn't have any reason to decline the idea. It felt good to finally have someone to talk with again. I had already grown used to the feeling of just watching others from the corner of my eye with envy. It used to always make me feel a slight ache in my heart, yearning for someone. Someone important.

But what used to hurt the most was seeing Obito. Obito with Rin. Those two together, fooling around. It hurt so bad. It made me feel unexplainable anger but also a sense of relief. Seeing that Obito was still happy. He deserved it, more than anyone else. He was like an unforgettable golden memory. Something one could never let go of. A concept you couldn't fully grasp. A free soul drifting along in the river of life. A butterfly you can't catch no matter what net you use.

And I'm nothing without him.

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We entered the school building. Guy was laughing at something, I sighed and the clock ticked away. The ever so gray hallways didn't look as gray anymore. Birds chirped outside. Guy cracked an unfunny joke, but I still laughed out of pure happiness.

I had been wrong- He wasn't just a duplicate. A cheap copy, something that could never outshine my one and only. He was his own free soul, his own person. He had his own identity, his own life and own memories. Maybe he was someone important to me. But that I didn't know yet. Importance is also one odd concept, something hard to grasp or understand.

But at least I had someone by my side.

Though I'd have to distance myself from him sooner or later. I didn't want to intentionally hurt him once I'd be gone. The thought of that also stung my heart. I had yet again grown close to another.

The birds continued chirping.

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We sat together during lunch.

We had a moment of silence, and my eyes began to wander around the cafeteria.

And I met his gaze. Those eyes. But for a split-second they didn't have that annoyed cold gaze in them anymore. Just for a split-second I thought I saw sorrow shine through them. Unexplainable sorrow. Heartwrenching sorrow. In that moment, I just wanted to run there and embrace him in a tight hug.

It was just for a split-second. After that small moment of vulnerability that gaze returned to the one I had gotten used to during this small amount of time we had been apart. His eyes pierced right through me, right through my soul and heart. It left behind a stinging feeling, but it didn't hurt too bad anymore. I had seen his vulnerability just now, and I began to think. Was the Obito I knew still there, behind that mask he wore? Or was there some sort of new Obito, hiding behind all that?

My pondering was interrupted by Guy coughing loudly, trying to get something out of his throat. This guy was such an idiot.

Smiling through the water forming his eyes, he said: "This potato is really stuck in my throat..."

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I laid down on my bed.

The events of the day spiraled in my head.

Obito.

Obito and his gaze. That sensitive gaze. There was something going on, I felt it in my bones. Overreacting, probably. But I felt it. I felt there was something wrong. Something going on with Obito. Something he tried to hide. Something.

I shifted in my bed. The blanket was perfectly warm, and the mattress softer than ever, with a few blood stains. The atmoshphere felt heavy, even a bit suffocating. I was drowning in thought. My head hurt. The thoughts spiraled, molding together, creating different images in my head. The occasional sounds from cars driving by reminded me of everything. Everything, everything living, life as a whole.

Obito.

Obito..

No matter how I tried to run away, he still managed to catch my thoughts. He was always one step ahead, always faster. But how I missed him.

He was always ahead. On the unreachable side. No matter how I'd run, I'd never manage to get through that invisible wall separating us forever. That invisible curtain could never be swept away. No matter how strong I'd be, I'd never be strong enough to lift it out of the way. No matter how I'd push or pull, that door would never open.

I missed him. My heart ached for him. His voice, his face, him as a whole.

I wanted to save him from that unreachable side. I wanted to grab his hand, catch him off guard. Drag him through that door to this side, so that he would no longer have to be alone in the dark anymore. But it wasn't possible.

And the whole unreachable side was a concept of my own imagination. We lived in the exact same reality, but far away from each other's hearts. His heart chose to stay side by side with Rin's, meanwhile mine stayed away in the dark.

I didn't have to save him from any sort of darkness. After all, I was the one submerged in darkness. He was on the light side with Rin. How could I ever imagine dragging him away from there? He is on the right side, I'm the only one stuck here. The only one pathetic enough to stay curled up here, complaining.

That's just how it is. I was the pathetic one.

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Finally my eyes shut themselves.

It was time to fall asleep, and forget all about this. There was no unreachable side. There was no darkness or light. There was only me and you. Even if things aren't the same they were before.

It's just us. This is our own world.

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1 month and 16 days.

Then I can actually become one with the void.