I didn't really know what was going on in my chest right at that moment. But I think it felt like what it would feel like if your heart started bleeding. And I know hearts are supposed to pump blood and stuff so I guess it's like hearts are always bleeding but that's not what I mean. I mean like, if someone slashed it down the fucking middle.
The tears that were threatening to spill from my eyes did. And I did not care to stop them. Demi needed to know that the words that just escaped her mouth broke me to the core and I was going to make sure she knew.
"Don't you ever say that again " I warned her through gritted teeth with tears still cascading down my face.
She shrugged.
"I mean it, Demetria." I added.
"It's going to happen regardless of what you say."
"Why?" My voice broke.
She placed her hand gently on top of mine. "Don't you see? I'm no good. Not for you. Or anyone. Or myself." She sighed. "I care enough about you to stop you from getting hurt by me."
"You won't hurt me."
"I'll break your heart, Sel."
"Not if I break yours first."
She looked into my soul. Her eyes had a depth that I'd never reach but I wasn't giving up. There was no way on this earth I was giving up.
"I'm not giving up."
"I already have." She spoke softly before getting into her bed.
Another tear escaped my eye, then I heard her whisper. "I guess I'm just a mess and maybe I'm just lonely or just bitter but I know my heads a storm and my chest is empty."
The silence that followed after hurt my ears. But it didn't last for long. I heard another whisper. "I'm still hoping its you and me in the end."
I didn't know who she was talking about and I'm not certain that I wanted to know. A strange feeling ripped through me after hearing that sentence. It was painful.
I needed space and I knew that there were only two places that were beautiful in this place. The first, that garden I found. The second, wherever Demi was. I couldn't be around Demi at that moment for a reason that I'm still trying to figure out so that left me one place to go. The garden.
~
"Rough day?" A familiar voice dragged me out of my trance.
I was about to snap. I obviously came here to be alone and uninterrupted but as soon as my eyes met his, I felt relaxed.
I half smiled. "Something like that "
I felt the presence of him sitting next to me. He put his hands together and started fiddling with his thumbs. "About the night at the party." He began but I interrupted him. "I don't remember anything."
"That's probably a good thing." He retorted with a chuckle.
I giggled along with him. "But apparently I wanted to sleep with Demi."
An expression of pain shit through his face before quickly softening. "Please don't hurt her."
"Oh, no no. We aren't anything." I smiled explaining myself.
"I see the way she looks at you."
I furrowed my brow, confused. "There's a way she looks at me?"
"She looks at you like you have galaxies sitting in your eyes."
"She does?"
"Yeah, she does." His voice was now more of a saddened tone but I couldn't help but feel like there was electricity running through my veins.
"Hey, she keeps telling me to stay away from you. What's up with that?" I inquired.
He pushed himself up off the seat and turned to me. "I'll let her tell you. Its not my place. Have a good afternoon."
And with that, he was gone.
~
She doesn't like me. He's not telling the truth. Demi doesn't even know to feel so how could she possibly like me? She barely knows anything about me and I don't know anything about her. Why am I getting so worked up? I don't even like girls and I certainly do not like Demi in any way other than a friend. But I'm still curious to find out if she has feelings for me.
So many thoughts were running through my head. It was almost like a none stop rollercoaster. The longer the questions kept circulating, the more I felt sick.
I knew that there had been a few occasions where I had felt like my whole body was on fire when it came to Demi but I was certain it was just because I cared so much about her, not because I felt some kind of attraction towards her. That's all it was right? Me just caring?
Before I could think anymore I realized that I was out the front of our dorm door. I found myself standing there will a huge smile plastered on my face. I bit my lip before turning the door handle.
I walked inside and heard soft snores coming from Demi's bed. I smiled to myself before going into my closet and finding some clothes to wear. As I turned around, the smile found its way to my face once again.
"Ah, finally coming out of the closet, are you?"
I put my hand over my chest and my heart was beating rapidly. Demi had scared me shitless.
"No." I was quick to reply.
"You sound nervous, Sel. Something on your mind?" She was wearing a smirk.
"No." I stated again.
"Can you come over here?"
I slowly walked over towards Demi's bed and as soon as I reached the side, she grabbed me and pulled me under the covers with her, holding my body tightly and close to hers.
"Can we just lay like this?" She whispered and I felt her breath on my neck, once again sending that strange feeling rushing through my veins.
I nodded, unable to trust my voice.
"If something was wrong, you'd tell me, right?" She questioned.
I nodded my head once again. "Mhm."
"And is something wrong?" Her breath hit my skin again and goosebumps littered my body.
"No." I tried to say smoothly but it came out more like a squeak.
"Why don't I believe you?"
"You tell me."
"You're not as straight as you think you are."
"Because you'd know." I stated sarcastically.
"If I kissed you right now, would you pull away?"
The breath hitched in my throat. "Yes." I said although I wasn't quite sure.
"I'm sure."
"Why are you so convinced that I'm not straight, Demetria?" I asked, annoyed.
"I guess I don't want you to be, Selena." She admitted, mocking me.
"Why?"
"Because maybe I want you all to myself."
-
Oh my god. This chapter is a mess and I'm so sorry. My head has been a mess for the past few days, so I'm really sorry. If yous don't like it I can redo it or whatever. Please let me know. I just want to make yous happy and interested and I feel like this chapter is so shit ugh. I love you all. Thank you x
