I held onto the beautiful girl tighter than I had ever held onto anything before. The thought of her doing something so permanent made me physically sick. She was crying and I almost cried with her but this wasn't my turn to cry. I wasn't the one hurting here, she was.
She fell asleep soon after. I knew because her breath steadied out. I watched her chest rising. Up and down. And I told myself that I would never take her for granted. I was so thankful someone like her was alive. But I was even more thankful that someone like her was mine to hold.
I didn't get much sleep. I was too intrigued in watching the precious soul sleeping, however creepy that sounds. It gave me some sort of peace knowing that she wasn't in pain while she was sleeping. Her lips were parted slightly and her tongue would brush over them every so often, giving them enough moisture so that they wouldn't become dry. She let out little snores and every now and then she would scrunch her nose up. Her eyes started to flutter before she turned over unconsciously and cuddled into me even more, her face in the crook of my neck.
I was still stroking her back, and she placed her hand on my cheek. I smiled and turned to kiss it. I knew I liked this girl but I wasn't sure exactly how much until right now. The moonlight illuminated her face, giving me enough light to see her soft features. Freckles were graced across her nose and below her eyes. She had a dimple on her chin, and when she pursed her lips together or smiled, they were noticeable on her cheeks. She didn't need make up, although no matter how many times I had told her that, she still wore it. Her eyelashes were beautifully long, it made her chocolate brown orbs stand out even more. Even if they were full of pain, her eyes were so painfully gorgeous. Her brown wavy hair always looked so full of life and I can't help but wish sometimes, that that was how she would look. Unfortunately, however alluring she was, she just looked drained and tired. I didn't blame her though. Fighting demons that no one else could see would be without a doubt the most tiring thing anyone could do. I knew that already. But I also knew that there was no way my demons were as bad as hers and for that reason, I had no doubt that if she said she was going to kill herself, she would. And that's why I was so scared.
~
I realized I had fallen asleep somewhere in between my constant awe of Demi and my eyes that were more than willing to close because the sun was shining through the half closed curtain causing my eyes to squint as soon as they opened.
The first thing I noticed was that Demi wasn't beside me. Of course that was the first thing I noticed, I was absolutely and utterly in lust with her. I had a bad feeling in my stomach. Knowing all too well that gut instincts are there because you are supposed to follow them, I did exactly that. My legs moved faster than my brain processed and I found myself at the door of the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to turn the door knob. I wasn't mentally prepared to see anything that my mind had pictured.
I turned the door knob anyway, knowing that I had to check on her. I felt sick and I knew something bad had happened, I just wasn't sure what.
I flung the door opened as fast as I could and gasped at the sight in front of me.
Demi was pale, laying on the cold hard white tiles, that were now stained red. The silver glint of a blade caught my eye and an empty bottle of pills.
I started throwing up aggressively, I didn't know what to do.
I fell backwards against the wall and grabbed Demi into my arms, cradling her while sobbing. She wasn't moving and my heart started racing.
I took my shirt off and wrapped it tightly around the deep wounds on her wrist. I had never seen anything like them before. I was certain they'd need medical attention.
I dragged her as close to the toilet as I could get her. Being so little, it proved more difficult than I expected so I opted to get a bucket instead and placed it in front of her before shoving my fingers down her throat, causing her to gag and vomit up whatever pills were in her system. Even though I knew they wouldn't all come up because I hadn't known how long she had been laying there when she should have been in my arms.
I left her for long enough to grab my phone and dial 911. The lady on the other end of the phone spoke but I was in hysterics and couldn't hear a word she was saying. All I remember is saying that my 'girlfriend' had attempted suicide, that I needed them now and I gave her the address.
Of course having an ambulance rock up at your dorm attracts a lot of attention. The students were filing in the hall way, all eager to get a glimpse of what had occured. I was too angry to even try and stop them.
They put my precious girl on a stretcher and took her out of the room. I followed after them, got into my car and made my way to the hospital as fast as I could.
The only question that flooded my mind was 'why?' What had happened in that little time lapse that made her do this? And why did I not feel her wake up?
~
The wait in the emergency room was killing me. I had been there for four hours and had a feeling I'd be here for quite a few more. I wasn't wrong. Nine hours later, a surgeon in blue scrubs waltzed up to me covered in blood. Demi's blood. I threw up once more and he comforted me, patting my back gently. I sat up and I was sure that I was going to vomit again but I pushed it back because I needed to know the damage Demi had done to herself. I needed to know if she was... Alive.
"Demetria Lovato?" He asked.
"She's my girlfriend." The way that came out felt so natural and I was starting to think that I'd never be able to call her that to her face.
"She's done extensive damage to her left wrist." He only confirmed what I already knew. I was the one who fucking found her. I saw it all and that picture will forever be burned into my mind. "She lost a lot of blood. We had to give her four transfusions. She also had surgery to repair her wounds."
I nodded, not trusting my mouth right now.
"She took some pills, so we had to do blood tests. For now, the pills have done no harm but that's not to rule out that they definitely won't. She could also have long term damage."
"Is she okay? Can I see her? I mean, of course she's not okay. But I want to see her. Please?"
"You can. But before you do, I should warn you that you might not recognize her. She doesn't look like herself and her self mutilation resulted in one hundred and seventy eight stitches. Follow me." He spoke calmly.
I gulped. How could she have done so much damage? How the fuck didn't I notice?
I walked into the hospital room and saw her laying on the white bed. She looked lifeless and it scared the absolute shit out of me. Her skin was pale, she had a bandage wrapped around her left wrist with blood seeping through. There were numerous machines connected to her, including a canula and a heart monitor. But what scared me the most was the breathing tube. She wasn't breathing on her own.
"C-can she hear me?" I stuttered.
"She sure can." The surgeon smiled at me apologetically before leaving the room.
I tiptoed over to her lifeless body and grabbed her hand.
"Hey Dems, it's me, Sel. So, um, you've done a lot of damage to yourself. I feel angry at you Demi. I am so angry. Why didn't you wake me up!? I'm scared. You really scared me. You have to let me in, Dee. You have to let me help. Please. If you wake up, please know that my arms will hold you. I really really love y--"
I was interrupted by Demi's body shaking involuntarily. Her whole body went tense and started shaking violently. Her grip on my hand also tightened and I was stuck.
Her monitors started beeping and before I knew it, nurses started to flood the room. I got out of her grip and was pulled away by the surgeon who had spoken to me earlier.
"What's going on?" I cried hysterically.
"Shes having a seizure. She might not make it. You need to be prepared for the worst." He stated honestly.
She might not make it.
Those five words gushed through my head like a nightmare.
I was hoping for the best but expecting the worst.
