The days flew by quicker than I had hoped for. Demi's body was healing and as happy as I was about that, I'd hoped she would have to stay in the hospital for longer than they said, only because I knew that once they let her go, I would have to as well and who knew how long for.
I kept praying that she would recover quickly in rehab and I had this unrealistic mind set that she'd be out in a week or two and back in my arms, but I knew from experience that these problems didn't go away that fast. It could take months or years, or sometimes, they would just never go away, they just became easier to deal with. There was no saying whether Demi would fully recover and there was no saying whether or not she would be able to stop herself from relapsing once she got out of treatment. But I knew that whichever way things worked out, I would stand beside her and hold her hand through the good, bad, happy and sad. I owed her that much.
~
The day of Demi's release rolled around and my heart was breaking for her.
"Sel, don't let them take me." She pleaded.
I choked back the tears. "I'm sorry, baby."
That was all I could say. She cried and cried until it wasn't possible to cry any longer. She was scared and I was too. She didn't want to be alone and I didn't want to be without her. I wasn't sure I could deal with getting through a single day without her but I knew that I had to. I had to stay strong, not only for myself but for Demi too. She had no strength in her anymore and someone had to hold her together. That person was me.
~
The doctors filled her room and told her the way everything would work. I don't think she was listening, and if she was, she didn't care. She stared straight through them and didn't move a muscle. That was until they restrained her. She fought so hard to get away from them but it was useless.
"Sel, please. Don't let them take me." She screamed through her tears.
I stood back, not knowing what to do. My heart was aching and I couldn't stop crying. I wanted to protect her. She needed me right at that moment and there was nothing possible that I could do.
I walked over to Demi. "Calm down, please."
She didn't. She fought harder.
"Fucking dammit, Demi, stop. Please. Just stop." I begged her.
I asked the doctors to let me calm her down. They hesitated and insisted that they stay in the room while I attempted to do so. Reluctantly, I agreed.
I sat Demi on the bed. "Baby, look at me."
Her tear filled eyes looked straight into mine and I felt a stabbing pain shoot through my heart. I tried to be strong for her. The more I freaked out, the more she would.
"It's gonna be okay." I told her.
"Do you promise?"
"I promise."
"And when I get out, you're still gonna be here?" She asked.
"Always." I replied. And it was the truth. I wasn't going anywhere. Not now, not ever.
"You'll still want me? Even though I'm a mess?"
"I'll still want you." I reassured her. "Nothing will change that."
"Can you kiss me?" Her voice cracked.
I looked at the doctor as if to ask whether I was allowed to or not. He simply nodded, telling me yes. Who was I kidding, regardless of what anyone had said, I was going to kiss her. There was no way they were taking her away from me without me saying goodbye. Although, it wasn't goodbye. It was 'I'll see you soon.'
I gently grabbed her face and pressed my lips onto hers. Not too hard but enough to make her feel my love. I could taste the salt from both of our tears and in that moment, I realized just how much I would miss her.
~
Watching them take her away from me was the second hardest thing I'd ever had to face. The first was losing her. She wasn't fighting them anymore. She let them take her. I let them take her. I knew that I would see her again soon, when I went to visit her but in that moment I swear I felt like I would never see her again because I knew Demi. I knew her heart and I knew that she felt like being here, her soul was trapped. She wanted to go home, wherever home was. All I knew is that her home wasn't here on Earth, her home was somewhere that I would never see her again. If she got the chance to be able to go home, she would and that scared me beyond belief.
~
The days went slowly, unlike the days at hospital. I moped around and went about my life but there was still a massive void without her being there. Going back to our dorm every day just wasn't worth it anymore. I had nothing to look forward to. All I could do was go to class, eat, sleep, shower and wait for her to call. I missed her voice. I missed her presence. I simply missed her. I even missed her coming home at ridiculous hours drunk out of her mind. Nothing was the same without her. I tried so hard not to depend on Demi to make me happy but without her, I realized that I was a little too late. My world had become 'our' world now and there was no turning back.
