Love Letter

Entry #6

Dear Ram,

=____=

Siguro nag-iisip ka kung bakit kita ginawan ng recollection letter.

Sa 8 years kasi nating magkaklase, wala tayong matinong pag-uusap. Wala din tayong communication. Di din tayo friends sa Facebook. Di kita friend. Ni hindi kita acquaintance.

Mortal enemies tayo.

Masisisi mo ba ako? E, bully ka e. Kala mo kung sinong mapagmataas 'tong kulokoy na 'to, parehas lang naman tayo na estudyante. Nangunguha ka pa ng pera ng iba. Nakikipag sapakan ka pa sa mga kaklase natin. Naiinis ako sa'yo kasi sa tuwing nagkakagulo at ikaw yung pasimuno, ako yung nasisisi ng teachers natin. Pa'no ba naman? E, ako yung class president e.

Epal mo. Sa loob ng 8 years, sinira mo yung buhay ko. From elementary to high school. Ginulo mo pa nga e.

Imbis na magiging tahimik at masaya yung high school life ko, sinira mo. Tapos pagdating pa naman sa college, guguluhin mo pa rin?

Magkaaminan nga tayo, crush mo ba 'ko?

Bakit kung makaasta ka, parang sinira ko yung buong buhay mo? Bakit galit na galit ka sa'kin? Bakit inis na inis ka sa mga ginagawa ko? Di naman kita inaano ah? Nananahimik lang ako. Ikaw itong pumapasok sa gulo. Dinamay mo pa yung mama mo. 'Yan tuloy, naging magbestfriends mga nanay natin.

Mas lalo tayong pinaglalapit ng mga pagkakataon.

Tsss.

Ayoko ng destiny. Alam mo naman 'yan. Nakwento ko na sa'yo 'yan nung mga bata pa tayo.

Pero, isa na lang siguro yung sasabihin kong pagkakataon sa buhay ko na hindi ko maitatangging dala ng destiny o tadhana. It sounds really stupid. But it's the truth.

Nung Junior high ako, may nakilala akong boy. I was bullied by your current friends at that time. Pilit nilang inaagaw sa'kin yung baon kong pera. Pero, ayaw ko iyong bitawan since nagiipon ako ng pera pambili ng bagong canvas.

Halos sampalin na nila ako at suntukin. Nasa sahig na nga ako nakahilata e. Pero nagpapasalamat ako ng biglang may isang anghel na tumulong sa'kin. Iniligtas niya ako sa mga taong 'yun at natakot niya yung mga 'yun.

I can't see him clearly. Natanggal kasi yung salamin ko. Di ko tuloy nakita nang maliwanagan yung itsura nung lalaki. But his voice sounds so familiar. Sobrang familiar na di ko alam kung magpapasalamat ba ako sa pagligtas niya sa akin o patuloy akong magmumuhi sa kanya para sa ilang taon na pagpapakasakit niya sa akin.

That was you.

Wag ka nang mag-maang maangan pa. Kasi I was a hundred percent sure that you were that boy.

You saved me.

Kaya yung mga panunukso mo, I felt as if that was your own little way of showing me that little feeling of yours. That sounds really absurd. I mean, why would the great Ram be fascinated by some nerd-his childhood bestfriend that was also a nerd.

Sa pag daan ng maraming panahon, I started to like you. The you who was not hiding behind your friends' backs. The you who was not in disguise. The true you that nobody else can see. Except me.

Kaya kahit gaano kasakit yung mga panunukso mo, natutunan ko na lang yung tanggapin. I understood your bipolar mood swings. I understood your true story. I understood that you're not the great Ram that they were talking about. Actually, you were that same young boy I was playing hide and seek with.

And I started to fell in love with the young boy that shared the burden of my life with before. The same young boy who didn't dare to leave me. The same young boy who didn't hesitate to lend me his shoulders and hands where there was no one there to help me to stand up once again.

I have the same question I asked before.

Bakit?

Bakit nagbago ka?

Sawa ka na ba na makipagkaibigan sa'kin like before? Was America the reason why you changed? Why you became the bad boy? Why you never wanted to be my friend?

But still. Kahit na nagbago ka, hindi pa rin nun nabago yung pagmamahal na nararamdaman ko. It remained even if you were a continent away. Ikaw pa rin yung sinisigaw ng puso ko kahit na the destiny is saying that we can't be together.

Ikaw talaga e. May magagawa pa ba ako?

Don't say that I only love the boy that I grew up with. Don't say that I only love the boy that I changed before. The only boy that showed me the true meaning and expenses of life.

Because, even if you changed, I still love you.

I love the whole you. Not the qualities you have. It's hard to explain pero that can't change the fact that I loved you before. I love you now. And I will love you forever.

Uhm, this letter was supposed to be a recollection letter. Di ko nga alam kung bakit pa ako magsusulat ng ganito, e mukhang halatang halata na naman sa kilos ko diba?

Isa pa, it was all about love. It was no recollection letter.

Another thing, I was not expecting you to return the favor of writing me a love letter back. The thing is, when you love someone, you are, wont, and will never be expecting that certain someone to love you back. Because loving someone doesn't need and involve expecting any love in return.

It was a free will. You chose that. And he/she also has the right to decide if they were to accept your feelings and return it freely or just accept it.

Because that is true love.

Thank you for the years of friendship. Thank you for insulting me every day. Honestly, it makes my day complete. Thank you for being the Ram I loved, continually loving and will continue to love in the future.

Sincerely,

MJ