Love Letter

Entry #8

Dear MJ,

You probably don't remember me.

I mean, it has been twelve years. It has been twelve years since I contacted you. Since our last hug. Since our last casual conversation. And since our last memory that will last a lifetime forever.

Ram came home from America eight years ago. I was the only one left there because of the doctors' diagnosis on my heart.

Ram is my older brother. A twin, to be exact.

This letter came all the way from New York. I want to personally give it to you, but the doctors prohibited me from long flights and travels. Lumulubha na daw kasi yung sakit ko.

I can still speak Tagalog phrases. But not so much. Though I can remember some phrases alongside your memories with me.

I know that Ram would never give you a recollection letter so I willingly provided it for you in exchange for the friendship you happily gave to me a few years back.

Kinukwento niya kasi sa'kin that you were his long time mortal enemy. I used to laugh at the stories he used to tell me cause I can remember the MJ I used to play with even though I can only see you in my imagination and memories.

I was happy to see that you two were well. Not kind of well. Well, you know.

I know Ram was a little harsh to you. But, I do hope that you will extend your courtesy patience to him. He was acting like the bad boy he was not used to. But, trust me. He was a very nice guy. He was the only person in the world who could understand a person only with looking at him/her straight in the eye.

Anyway, I was charging along the Facebook yesterday and I saw your recollection pictures. Overnight stay, right? Dad told me I was acting like a stalker so he told me to stop looking at your pictures.

But I can't help it.

MJ, I'm missing you so much.

I want to come home someday. Perhaps when once I receive a recommendation letter from a doctor that I need fresh air. But trust me, I'm missing those times where all we can do was laugh our lungs out and just smile and think of nothing else.

Realization struck me.

How can I have a normal life? That was how I used to ask. Was.

I now know that I can and will never live a normal life with this abnormality on me.

But believe it or not, when things used to get distorted and when the pain strikes to me like there's no tomorrow and when all I ever wanted at that time is to end up everything, all I can ever remember is the memories we both shared.

That keeps me going.

That is the force that makes me want to continue this battle I'm fighting for.

Just to see you again.

I want to see you again.

At least before I die anyway.

Can I have a favor, please?

When that happens, I want you to be with Ram's side. Please don't leave him. I know that he might be bipolar and stupid and Ram. But. He deserves to be loved. He deserves to be with someone who could love him back and make him happy.

And I absolutely believe that it was you.

Don't worry. I told him to never read this letter. If ever this letter you received got some stains or clues of being opened, just contact me. I have an account on Facebook.

Not that I'm doubting on my brother but we both know his desperation knows no boundaries sometimes.

I do hope you'll never leave him. I want him to have a better life even though I won't be part of it.

I don't want to take his life away from him. I don't want his life to stop when I passed away. I don't want everything to stop for him.

I do love my brother. Almost as I love you.

You were my first love. My first crush. My first bestfriend. My first everything.

Be his firsts too.

And I do believe that you can change my brother likewise you change me. Teach him the true meaning of living and the true purpose of life. Likewise you gave me the reason to continue my battle. Encourage him to continue battling for life that has no any reason to be continued.

Thank you for everything,

MC