Love isn't always easy

Chapter 11 - The Hardest Thing

The next day I was literally chasing Monica all day. I wanted to talk to her but she avoided me. After lunch I once again called after her: "M, M, Monica wait!!"

She didn't want to stop but she saw Zac coming the other way, so she turned around and crossed her arms: "What do you want Ashley? I'm not in the mood!"

"We need to talk and you know that." I calmly said.

"Talk?" She hissed: "About what? About how selfish you are? Who do you even love? Is it Louis or Will? Or both? What's that about?"

"I think we both know this is not just about me. You're angry because of him." As I pointed at the end of the hall where Zac was standing, leaning against a locker with a few friends around, I realized why she was so mad at me in the first place. What I did to Louis was sort of... cheating. It all made sense to me now. It was similar to what Zac did to her, kissing Sarah.

"Whatever." She sighed.

"No. M, please I need you. And I know you need me too. We're best friends and we need to talk this out. How about we go to my place? Watch some movies or just talk? What do you say?" I asked and I knew she couldn't say no.

"Fine." She rolled her eyes trying to hide her smile.

Our walk back to my house was quiet. I wanted to speak, say anything but I couldn't. I couldn't even face the facts of what I did to Louis. I wanted to avoid the talk even though I didn't really want to. We went to my room. Monica sat down on my bed and I walked over to my chair. Her first words were:

"So, are you going to tell me what's going on with you and Will?" She asked judging me, but she had all right to.

"I don't know, I just, I really need you as my friend right now. Please, just don't judge me." I sighed holding back tears.

"I'm sorry..." She looked at me. "But," we said at the same time. "Yes, it isn't fair to Louis. What you're doing isn't fair..."

"That's the thing. The problem. I don't even know what I'm doing." I was so confused.

"He has to know about the kiss Ashley. You have to tell him." I felt a rush of guilt in my stomach.

"I can't." I breathed.

"Ashley, even though you didn't set the rules about dating or not, you have to tell him. You owe him that."

"I know I do... but I just... I don't..." I took a deep breath. "I have no idea how."

"I guess you need to clear your feeling first." She shrugged.

"I'm confused and I hate that! I hate using the words confused and I don't know. But most of all I hate that I really don't understand myself." I almost yelled covering my faces with my hands.

"I know, I get that but you don't really have much time..." M said and I didn't exactly understand what she meant by that.

"Can we please just change the topic? We came here to talk about you..."

"No." She stopped me: "We came here to talk. Talk about the both of us. Now, I'm right here and you can call Louis."

"What??!" My heart started beating faster. "No, no. Please, M just give me a little time..." I freaked out.

"Okay, okay. You don't have to call him today... But soon." I silently nodded and she added: "How about you try telling me what you feel."

"Well, uhh.... I don't even know." I once again said feeling like a complete idiot.

"Ashley." she looked at me and I knew I had to try harder.

"Fine. So, uhh, I guess before I even met Louis my life was really simple. I had a crush or something on Will and I was really stupid. Okay, this is going to sound sooo cheesy, but remember you're making me do it." I sighed.