Kpop Imagines

Beautiful Pain - Han Jisung (Skz)

TITTLE : BEAUTIFUL PAIN

SINGER : BTOB

ALBUM : HOUR MOMENT

RELEASED : NOVEMBER 12 2018

Jisung p.o.v

I met my love, I said goodbye
For endless days, I cried and laughed
These times and moments
They so beautiful yet so painful

Y/n: I'm really sorry Jisung-ah.
Jisung:*sad smile* It's okay, I understand.
Y/n: Sorry. I never thought about th-
Jisung: It's okay. I understand. Be happy for me?

I take a look at y/n's fiancee, Lee Minho. Whenever I look at him, I feel the urge to beat him down and curse him lots. But I held back. It's not gonna change anything. Everything is already planned since the start. I'm only the puppet they are playing with. The puppet that will be thrown away when it's time has come.

Minho: I'll take good care of her.
Jisung:*smile* Please do. I *sigh* wish the best for both of you. Really.
Minho:*smile* Thank you.

A poet without romance, like a corpse
Looking forward to an obscure reward
Even if I avoid pain, I run into a different pain
I couldn't see the happiness that was next to me
After I let you go
You don't know how much I regretted
Even at this moment
I'm losing so much

I used to be so confident of this relationship I had yet everything crumble apart as I saw how you walk toward him. As you walk away from me mouthing me a sorry but you never stop walking away.

Your parents come and give me the pitiful looks but they stay still at their place. Your now fiancee come meet me and say sorry but he take you away from me.

I'm wrong, from the very start, you are never mine. You faked it all so your road will be thorn less not caring about mine. I loved you dearly not knowing that everything is a lie. I feel dumb of following your path.

Time has passed and I came this far
In the end, we'll remain as a memory
Now I'm afraid of starting again
What if we break up and it hurts again?
I met my love, I said goodbye
For endless days, I cried and laughed
These times and moments
They so beautiful yet so painful

One month has passed yet I'm still here sobbing on you. You texted me about your wedding. You invited me. But I can't brave myself to go there. To see how other man said his vow to you. Slip the wedding ring to your finger. To see how you look so ever lovingly to him.

Why? Why me? Why me from all? Are you always this cruel? Did I not worth even a little in your life that you can throw me away so easily? I hate you. I hate you a lot!

Jisung:*shout**crying* I hate you! I hate you! *voice crack* I hate you! *whisper* I hate you! I really hate you!

Yeah love then pain love then pain
Yeah let's learn from our mistakes
We grow from failure
I want to love but
Nobody wants to deal with the pain that follows, no
I understand them though
Yeah, I understand, I understand love
It made me laugh every day now it tortures me every day
The pain will disappear but the scars are forever
But that's why it's called
beautiful pain

Three months passed and I only have taken a step forward. I don't lock myself in the room again. But I don't have the courage to step out yet. Not yet. Not now.

I have accept that you are no longer mine no matter how hard I shouted. No matter how long I starved myself. No matter how deep I cut myself. You won't be there for me.

I have burnt all our memories. I throw all our stuff away. I don't want anything to do with you again. I don't want to be living behind your shadow again. My eyes ache of the endless night. My head rage as I forced myself.

I don't want to sadly wait
Today will become yesterday
Starting over again is so hard
Because things will come to an end again

Six months passed, I saw that you are pregnant. You are pregnant with his child. It's raining today. I forgot my umbrella at Hyunjin's place. I want to walk away like how everyone did, but my legs are stuck to the ground so every tightly that I can't free myself from it.

Jisung:*whisper* I remember that you told me how much you love dancing in the rain.

Jisung:*chuckle* Why am I thinking of you again? I promise myself to throw you away. *laugh crazily* I'm not gonna think of you again! *shout* Get away from my mind!

I don't care anymore. The stares I got from the passerby, the whispers I got from here and there, I don't care. I need to let this deadly feelings out from me.

I met my love, I said goodbye
For endless days, I cried and laughed
These times and moments
They so beautiful yet so painful

Hyunjin:*worried* What are you doing in the middle of the rain?!
Jisung: Hyunjin, I got crazy, right?
Hyunjin:*sigh* Let's go home and talk about this.
Jisung:*shake his head* I'm crazy. I got crazy because of her. *fall to his knee* I'm nothing now. I can't even erase her trace.

Hyunjin keep on trying to pull me back to his but I don't budge an inch. I stayed on my knee, letting my tears or maybe rain wet me. I'm tired of this deadly feelings. I don't know what to do already.

Hyunjin:*sigh* Let's take you home first okay? *begging* Please Jisung?

You can't stop love, so pain repeats
It hurts so much but love comes to me again
We all become fools
Sometimes, we're incompetent
As if we've waited for a while
We're colored with painful love

Hyunjin: Here, take some medicine.
Jisung:*lifeless* Will anyone miss me if I'm gone from this world?
Hyunjin:*slap Jisung**grab Jisung's collar**shout* Don't you dare say that! Don't be like this just because of her dumbass!
Jisung:*shout**crying* But I'm lost now! She used to be my everything but she is gone now! I have no one by my side!
Hyunjin:*shout* You still have us! You still have me! What do you mean by you have no one?!

He keep on shouting in my face. The pain linger in my cheeks as he slapped me hard pretty hard. He keep on telling me that he will be there for me. He keep on telling me that I always have a place to come back.

Jisung:*shout**crying* What if everything you said is also lie?! What if one day you will walk away like her?!

I met you and fell in love
I was happier than ever
Please don't be in pain
I hope it was beautiful
I met my love, I said goodbye
For endless days, I cried and laughed
These times and moments
They so beautiful yet so painful

Hyunjin: I won't. If the day come where I walk away from you, you are free to take my life.
Jisung:*crying* Why? Why you care for me so much?
Hyunjin: I'm not her. We, your friends, are not her. We are the one who will always stand by you. Lean on us Sung-ah.
Jisung:*crying* I'm scared! I don't want it to repeat!

I spent my night crying my heart out that day. Hyunjin stay by my side listening to all my whines, cries, and complaint. He doesn't say anything but he make sure to let me know that he is here listening to me.

That day was the last day I cried over her. Since that day, I take a step towards the light without looking back. I'll leave her behind. Even if her traces come haunt me,  I now know that I have place to come back. I have place to lean on now.