Kpop Imagines

Loneliness - Changbin (Skz)

Changbin p.o.v

I sighed for the hundredth time today as I catch a glimpse of the empty chairs beside me. I'm in 3racha studio currently and it really distract me when I realized that I'm alone in the studio. Chan hyung is taking day-off, which is super rare, to hang with his old friends while Jisung is being summoned by Minho hyung to help him for the new choreography he just made.

Going back at dorm is not really an option for me as well, cause I really dislike quietness. I hate the lonely feeling that linger around the air if I'm the only one there. As far as I remember, the kids are out doing their own things. Hyunjin is going to a music shop with Seungmin cause he caught an interest of composing. Jeongin is having his additional vocal class and Felix, did Felix mention about going out yesterday? He did, right?

Well, whatever it is, I'm pretty sure Felix is also occupied since he rarely stay in the dorm if others don't. Should I go to gym? Going to gym could ease these lonely feeling for a little. But just as I plan to go to the gym, I remember just how sore my muscles for tomorrow would be if I go to the gym today. Gym is not an option either.

I glance back at my computer and decided to just suck these lonely feeling up and continue to work. Another thirty minutes pass and my back is almost giving up on me. I checked my phone showing the background picture I took with Felix last month. I was helping Felix to cook his brownies but instead of helping, I helped him by eating all the leftover chocolate and end up having sore throat the next day.

Just as I want to turn my phone off, a notification from Jeongin is shown. I tap on it and it bring me to our chatroom.

Text~

Jeongin: Want some donuts?
Changbin: Aren't you at the company?
Jeongin: My class done 5 mins ago.
Changbin: Sure, bring some at my studio?
Jeongin: Don't you have a day off today?
Changbin: Yes?
Jeongin: Why you in the studio?
Changbin: Just. Bring some here?
Jeongin: Okay, I'll drop by later.

Jeongin is bring me some donuts and will drop by later. Should I hang with him instead of being trapped here? I guess I should follow him back to the dorm later. I finished what I'm doing just now before Jeongin get here.

Jeongin:*knock* Hyung?
Changbin: Come in. What flavours you got?
Jeongin:*come inside**rolled eyes* Not even a hi? Sugar glazed.
Changbin:*chuckle* Hello.

He take a seat on the sofa as he handed me the half of a dozen full of sugar glazed donuts. He scanned the room as I take a bite on the donut he bring.

Jeongin: I don't remember this room being so dark?
Changbin: Chan hyung was making some depressed songs before and dimmed the lights.
Jeongin: No wonder. Will you spent your day here hyung?
Changbin: I got no other plan. Why?
Jeongin: Wanna hang with me?
Changbin: To?
Jeongin: I need to buy a new dance shoes. Mine has worn out.
Changbin: Sure, let me save the file.

I quickly save the file and shut the computer down. I may not look like it but I'm super excited for not being alone. I'll hang with one of the members finally. As I wanted to close the studio door, I unknowingly start to do a small dance making Jeongin chuckle at me.

Jeongin:*chuckle* You are really getting older hyung.
Changbin:*rolled eyes* I hope that's not an insult.
Jeongin:*teasing* It's not.

As we arrived at the snickers store Jeongin wanted to go to, he started to look around for the shoes he is looking for while I pasted around the store not knowing what to do. I have some new snickers at the dorm and I don't planned on getting a new pair.

Jeongin:*happy* Hyung!

I thought that Jeongin is calling me so I turn my head to him was ready to answer his call but I was greeted by Jeongin's brother instead. I try to keep my smile as I walk to greet his brother and mother. Jeongin's smile look some what brighter, maybe it's because he missed his family a lot. I can understand. I thought they will only chat for awhile yet something unexpected was asked to me.

Jeongin: Hyung, can I hang with my mom and brother?

Taken back by the question, my smile unknowingly dropped making Jeongin worried for a sec.

Jeongin:*worried* Hyung, you okay?
Changbin:*shake his head* I am. Sure, *smile* you can hang with your family.
Jeongin:*smile* Thank you hyung! I'll treat you later.

I fakes a smiled and watched as Jeongin payed his chosen shoes and walk away with his brother and mother. I was left alone. Again. Even though there are a lot of people coming in and out of the store, I know none of them. I step out of the store and I instantly regret it. As I watch how friends and family are hanging with eachother, I was reminded again that I'm alone in this busy street.

I don't know where to go or what to buy. I don't know what to do or play. Should I go back? But won't the quietness kill me more? As I wary around the choices, the crowd moves me along with them. I walk with my hands stuffed under my warm jacket. My eyes wander around not really knowing where to look.

At the corner of my eyes, I saw Hyunjin and Seungmin walking to my direction. My face directly lit up knowing that I don't need to be alone again. But my mouth open without any noise coming out when I saw them laughing with eachother passing by me, not realising that I was there all along looking and hoping to join their conversation.

Did ruining their fun conversation for me to join them is worth it? Once again, the crowd moved me away from them. I ended up being on the exit by myself. With heavy step and tired body even if I don't really know what I did to make me these tired, I find my own way back to the dorm. I arrived in front of the door, I stare at the door. I don't know if going back to dorm could heal the loneliness I felt right now.

Giving up on every thoughts I have, I tap in the password and push the door opened. Expecting the quietness and coldness to greet me, I close my eyes not wanting to directly saw all of it. As I'm sure that I'm already inside the dorm, I slowly open my eyes. Instead of what I'm expecting, there stood Felix and Chan hyung there baking cookies.

Changbin:*not believing* C-chan hyung? Yo-yongbok?
Chan:*smile* Hello Changbin!
Felix:*greeting* Welcome back hyung.

A drop of tears unknowingly dropped down as I smiled looking on them. Their once happy expression turn to worried as they saw my drop of tears.

Chan:*worried* Hey, hey, why are you crying Bin-ah?

Instead of answering, I dropped my body to Chan hyung, who stumbled back a little as my weight push him down. Chan hyung start to pat my back even with the confusion he had.

Chan:*confused* Changbin?
Changbin:*mumbled* Let me stay like this for awhile hyung.

Feeling the warmth of Chan's hyung body on mine make me know that I'm not alone now. I'm with my dearest members and I'm safe from the hunting loneliness.

After a good minutes of hugging Chan hyung, I pulled away being embarrassed as I just throw myself to Chan hyung without any prior notice.

Chan:*smile* Feeling better?
Changbin:*embarrassed* Thanks hyung.
Felix: What happened hyung?
Changbin:*hesitant* It's just *pause* small problems. I'm sorry for making you worry.
Felix: My Changbin hyung is crying. The problem won't be that small.
Chan: Yeah, you can tell us Bin-ah.

They pulled me to the sofa we had in the living room and assure me to tell them everything cause they will always stay beside me. I told them how I feel and what have just happened today.

Changbin:*blabber* Jeongin left with his brother and parents, it's not that I hate him for that. I understand that he missed his family too. And Seungmin and Hyunjin didn't notice me, I understand that, but it just-
Chan: You feel lonely?
Changbin:*sigh* Yes. *bitter chuckle* I'm so childish.
Felix: It's not childish to feel lonely hyung. I feel lonely sometimes.
Chan: You can find one of us whenever you feel lonely, I'm sure all of us will be happy to be able to help you Bin-ah.

Not knowing what to say, as their words sinked in my mind slowly, I pull both of them to a hug and whisper a thank you between their ears. We stayed in that position for awhile before parting and laugh the awkwardness away. I don't know why but it feel great to laugh with others.

Felix: Okay, now enough laughing, wanna help me make cookies hyung?
Chan:*emphasis* Make not eat.
Changbin:*laugh* I'll try my best.

At least, my evening and night is spent with laughter.