Kpop Imagines

Linger - Soobin (Txt)

Author p.o.v

Today marked the first week of his love's death. He has been struggling since the first day, and will always struggle to stay alive. Not alive as in sickness, but alive as in happiness. His love was taken away from him by the sickness she had always had in her since the day she was born.

Soobin: She is gone already.

In a house where both his and her scent linger around, he feels suffocated. Every corner of this house haunts him with all those painfully beautiful moments he shared with her.

Soobin: How I wish she was here. Even only her shadow would be enough for me.

He entered the room he has made personally for her. A room just for her. A room where she could do all the things she wanted, she ever wished for. He always bought things for her, everything she ever wanted. Since the day she was diagnosed with her illness, she could never do the things she wanted with the reason that it would be bad for her. Soobin tried his best to fullfil all her's wish. Every single one of them, even when she never said about it.

Soobin: I never know she draw these beautiful pieces.

Yeah, it's true that he supplied her with all the canvas, oil paint, water paint, marker, coloured pencils, everything she ever needed. But she never wanted to show him her's drawings. Always claiming that its not good enough to be shown to him.

Soobin: Did I look like this in her eyes?

He came across a portrait of him in one of those big canvas that are covered with white silk cloth. It's seems that the portrait of his, especially, was kept in the most cozy side of the room. When he trace the lines, somehow, he could feel all the feelings she felt.

Soobin:*mumble* Teardrops.

She was crying when she draws. She was frustrated. She was worried. She was angry. It could be clearly felt from the sudden harsh stroke, the blurred colours, the pain that stained.

Soobin: She must be wanting to give up.

Across the room, there are many used up clay. Maybe it was punched, or wait pinched, or thrown. One thing for sure, it looks as if it had been through a lot. There are also some broken pieces, maybe it was destroyed out of sudden anger. Or could it be anxiety?

Soobin: I wonder what was she feeling.

As he kept on looking at the shattered pieces, something caught his eyes stopping him in his track. A broken box, it looks like a box but something tell him it's not an ordinary box. Slowly, he picked it up, the shattered box, it was box that was used to be a 3d art.

Soobin: That's why she asked for used card board.

He feels the need to know what was inside this destroyed 3d box. What was it that it could made her teared it.

Soobin: A person, two. And in the back, a park? A building?

It was too destroy to actually know what was it. He keeps on feeling the rough surface, hoping it would actually give him a little hints. Although it was unclear, he could slightly feel what was under his fingertips.

Soobin: S...O...O...B...I...N?

Soobin: Y.../...N?

Soobin: Our name? Would there be other words?

Soobin: F...I...R...S...T...D...A...T...E?

Soobin: Our first date?

Something clicked inside of Soobin. Their first date, the place where met each other, was in a park that is across Soobin's company. He is pretty sure that the first date moment was what craved into this destroyed 3d art box. A smile made a way to him, he feels somehow happy and sad. The fact that she remembered and reminisced that moment, and also the fact that she destroyed it till this state.

Soobin: I've been with you for so long.

Soobin: But why you still seem so far when you were this close?

He placed down the destroy box on top of the table that was filled with clay before directing his direction to one last table that he hasn't visited yet. The table where he mostly caught she stayed at. He tried to give her all the privacy she needed, but sometimes, he missed her too much that he peeked inside the small crack on the door. She would always be seated there. Busily doing something that he would never know until today.

He scanned the surface of the table carefully, hoping a thing would actually catch his eyes. The table is filled with stationery items. Washi tape, stickers, sticky notes, and a lot more journal necessities.

Soobin:*chuckle* This one is cute like her.

He noticed a drawer just below the surface of the table. He try his best sliding the drawer open as the rail get a little bit stucked. Probably since it ha been long since the last time it was opened.

Soobin: A book?

He picked it up and read the tittle written on it. "My Precious" is what written on top of it. He opened the hard cover revealing the first page. It was filled with her information such as name, birth date, occupation, her boyfriend, boyfriend's information, and what sickness she had. Soobin chuckle when he noticed that there was many proof of eraser being used on that page.

XX-XX-XX

"Hey there. I just came back from the hospital with Binnie. The doctor told me that I'm getting better! But I know it's a lie. I would never get better. It's just impossible.

When I heard it, I looked at Binnie and he seems delighted. He even hums along the drive to home. He is just visibly happy. I'm glad that he is happy but I'm also sad about what gonna happen soon."

XX-XX-XX

"Binne bought me a new canvas today! I've thinking hard about what I should draw and I have come with a very very brilliant idea! I shall draw my handsome boyfriend! His face is the best best best thing in the whole world! Just by looking on it will make everyone happy. I'm sure of that!

Something just cross my mind suddenly, would Binnie cry when he saw my portrait later? U know, when I'm no longer here with him. I hope he doesn't. I don't want him to be sad."

XX-XX-XX

"I coughed out blood today. I felt kind of sick when I wake up. I rushed to the bathroom when I felt like coughing. I knew something was off the moment I opened my eyes. And, yeah, I coughed out blood. Like, a lot.

I can't bring myself to tell Binnie about this. The fact that he cried so hard the last time he knew my sickness is getting worse. I just stare at his sleeping figure, tears flowing out, it feels somewhat painful seeing how peaceful he looks right now and it would all be destroy the day I'm gone."

Soobin: She knew about what gonna happen to me.

XX-XX-XX

"I guess the day is coming now. I could feel my body starting to give up. My breath just, doesn't seem like usual. I've been dizzy as if something has been fogging with my mind. But, somehow, I don't feel sad about my condition.

I'm a lot more worried for Binnie. I don't want him to be sad. I don't want to see him cry, I just want the best for him. I wonder if he would be able to found someone new for him. If that's what makes him happy, I'm more than glad to give my blessings to him. I just want him to be happy."

Soobin:*a tear fall* Then why you leave y/n-ah.

That day, Soobin broke down in tears in front of y/n's diary. The last page that he was reading is now stained by his tears as he can't let go of that book. He hugged that book tightly, hoping that it would give him the same warmth he received from his love of life.