Mushaboom • Daryl Dixon

21

Daryl

I sat out on the porch listening to the buzzing going on inside quickly subsiding. I took a drag while the evening played on repeat in my head. Just the thought of her eyes staying on me made my ears burn. She didn't look away when I'd look at her. There wasn't any anger in her eyes. Or discomfort. They were warm. Even when uncertain. And I wasn't sure if it would stay that way. It could've just been the alcohol. I sighed at the thought of how it possibly was only that. I wanted to be friends. I wanted anything. And I hoped I could make up for what I had done.. Somehow..

I reached into my front pocket and fought for the small, worn envelope. I pulled it out and opened it carefully. The envelope itself was barely keeping the stuff inside together.

There was just a couple of things inside: a funny drawing I found lying around from one of the kids at the prison, some list of what people needed at the prison, my once ripped up photo of Rachel, and the carefully-folded sonogram that was pieced together completely by tape, just like the picture of her.

I was careful with my smoke as I slid out the photo. I unfolded it and stared at the wild haired, girl holding up two vinyls for me to choose from. I stared at it for a long beat. Thinking..

I took another drag and leaned my head against the wall of the house behind me as I rested the photo and envelope on my leg.

This feeling in my chest was heavy.. It felt familiar, just as it felt new.. Her eyes and smile and how her hand held her glass. How her hair continued to fall after she'd tuck it behind her ear. The faintest freckles on her nose.

I huffed. It felt stupid and wrong. All of it. I wanted nothing more than to look at her again. It felt like I couldn't take enough of her in. The thought of her being right there in front of me. Seeing me. Teasing me. My stomach dropped again at the simple thought of her eyes on me. And I felt nothing but a lot of shame at the same time. I brought my head up to take another drag when I saw Michonne walking up, alone.

I exhaled and tried to shake any thoughts that I had. I put the smoke between my lips, folded the picture and put it back into my envelope. She walked up the stairs and seemed to be lost in thought. She snapped out of it as I came into view and smiled warmly.

"Yer back late." I rasped.

She sighed, "I needed to walk."

I nodded. She looked nice. She was careful with her dress as she took a seat across from me. We
sat there in silence for a bit while I took a couple more drags.

"Do you think this will work?" Her eyes looked a bit far again for a beat before she looked my way, waiting for an answer.

I took a moment and another drag as well. As I breathed out the smoke I found myself nodding slowly, "I think we'll make it work.."

She smiled weakly, but I could tell she appreciated my response,"Yeah.."

She was suddenly far again. I wasn't ever sure when to ask questions. If I should leave people to their business, or if they needed or wanted to talk.. But she stayed there in her head, and she chose to sit here and talk with me. So I went for it. "Penny for your thoughts?"

She smiled to herself and sighed again, "I don't really know who I am, if I'm not out there.. Or what I want." She finally looked to me and I saw some kind of deep sadness there. She looked so unsure, and I only saw her like that back at the prison when she never chose to stay too long.

I got her though. I felt those same things since being here. I felt so lost.. And now I saw she was too. I bit on my thumb for a beat. I wanted to give her something, to say something right.. Eventually, I spoke what I knew, "I know you.. You're a protector. A voice of reason.. You look out for your people. That's exactly what you're doing here."