Mushaboom • Daryl Dixon

10

Daryl

By the time night fell, we were all emotionally and physically spent. We all kinda broke off into smaller groups and settled down some ways past the tree line. I found Carol sitting off to the side and joined her. She had been real to herself, I didn't want her to feel out of place. She was family, she was with us since the start. She done more than earned her place, regardless of what happened back at the prison. I wanted her to know; I wouldn't let her disappear.

We sat in silence for a long while.. I rested my chin on the end of my bow, just waiting for her. She was avoiding it, avoiding me. I don't think either of us really knew what to say. But still, I watched and waited for her. I wanted to ask her about what happened, but I didn't want to push her to talk. She must've felt it though, because she finally broke the silence, "I don't want to talk about it.. I can't."

She didn't bother to look at me, but I understood. We saw right through the acting we'd do for the others. And that's what I loved about us. We couldn't hide nothin from each other.. No bullshitting. But that also meant avoidance from time to time. And she knew I wasn't gonna go anywhere, so she was distancing herself mentally.

I knew not to push it. I couldn't imagine what she lost the past week.. But I'd keep waiting. If she was ever ready, I'd be here, just like she'd been for me.

She spoke softly; she sounded broken, "I just need to forget it." She finally turned to me and looked me in the eyes. She was asking me to understand, to let it be. But I knew she knew I'd understand. It hurt to see her like that. She didn't even have to ask.

I kept my eyes on her, and I let her see that I saw her. I let her know.. "Alright."

She looked away for a beat, "Did you.. Did you want to talk?"

I shrugged. My head wasn't straight. I was tired, and I tried to keep moving so everything wouldn't weigh me down. I wanted to talk, but I wasn't sure where to start, or what I'd even say.. Losing her, and the prison. How much it hurt losing Beth after it just being them. Finding Rick and then the rest of them, and seeing Rachel and Ricky.. Still, I found myself speaking whatever came to mind, "Things are jus' different.. But we gotta keep movin'.. Right?"

She nodded then her face shifted. "The man yesterday, and the girl.." She paused, I knew what she was asking, I just didn't know what to say about it. I wast even sure what it was.. "What was that about?"

I shrugged and kicked at a small rock on the ground, "Grew up with 'em."

"Him?" She asked. He was a four years younger than Rachel and me, looked at least a decade younger too. I sat up some and scratched at my cheek for a beat, "Kinda.. His sister, we grew up together."

She gave that some thought before nodding, "So.. why are you avoiding her?"

Because I left her after a traumatic accident.. I left after we lost our baby. I left without saying goodbye..

I blinked and looked to the ground. I left when she needed me the most. I hated myself for what I had done. That hate never stopped, even when I'd be drunk outta my mind all day with Merle. It was always there.. I shook my head and frowned, "Didn't end well.."

I could feel Carol putting pieces together in her head. It wasn't much to go off, but I think that that gave it away. I brought my thumb to my mouth as she asked carefully, "How old were you two?"

My mind took me to the last time I saw her. In her dad's car, Bloody and almost lifeless. I winced at the memory, "Eighteen, last I saw her."

"Was she-" She paused for a while, she didn't wanna push me, but she finally just asked, "Were you together?"