Mushaboom • Daryl Dixon

18

~Two updates today :)

Rachel

I stared at the wild dark-eyed, and dirt-covered woman in the reflection. I knew she was me, but I felt so disconnected as I stood there alone in this clean and bright bathroom. I tore my eyes away from myself and immediately began stripping off the grimy clothes that took multiple beatings and two car related accidents since we left Matt's home in those woods. I glanced over to the clothes on the sink and I felt incredibly eager to feel clean clothes on clean skin. I turned the water on and the sound of it alone made me smile like an excited child.

I couldn't get enough of the shower. The warm water. The simple but sweet smelling soap that hinted at the scent of life from before. My fingers combed through my hair with a whole lot of conditioner. Surprisingly, it didnt take too long for my hair to untangle. The water ran clear after a couple of minutes.

It all felt so significant. Washing away the last month or so. All its heaviness. All the bad, just washing away. I had to scrub the rest off. Breathing in the steam. Trying to ground myself.

I am here.

My mind stayed on an occasional loop. Everything is okay. I am okay.

The discoloration on my ribs, shoulder and face were all faded. Only the slightest amount of yellow remained on my left ribs and my left thigh. I looked at my skin closely as the water ran down my body.

I am okay.

I took one last deep breath and stepped fully under the shower head, allowing the hot water to run down my hair and completely cover my face. I didn't want to think about what had happened out there. I wanted this moment, to be free of it. But still, they seeped in despite my best efforts to keep them at bay. My heart hurt at the slightest thought to what had gone on the last few weeks.

I am okay.

My mind shifted to Julian. The last time we were able to properly shower together. His warm eyes on me. His warm touch. His debilitated body.. Yet still so warm and stable. I wrapped my arms around him. He rested his head between my neck and shoulder.

I took a deep breath.

I am okay.

I shut the water off and stepped out of the shower feeling more grounded. I quickly dried myself off and put on the fresh clean clothes Maggie had brought for me. They were a bit baggy, my frame looked so feeble. I took my towel and wiped down the mirror.

The eyes I caught staring back at me took me by surprise. My stance- my body had softened. I hadn't seen myself looking the way I did. She was familiar, but such a stranger at the same time. I leaned in close and took in my image. Her eyes seemed more weary somehow, yet full and a bit wild just the same. The clothes were definitely a size too big. I brought my hands to my hair, and parted it where I liked. I took the towel and did my best to dry it without making it look messy-

I couldn't remember the last time I was thinking about my appearance.. Up until now I was avoiding any and all mirrors. I continued to do so until I found it to be dry enough.

I took one last look at myself. And I couldn't help but smile. I was so proud to have gotten my boys and I here.

I am okay.

I walked down the hall with the slightest bit of hesitation. Not knowing if this would last creeped into my mind. If we could make this work.. But we were here.

"How're you feeling?!" Tara asked. She looked vibrant and refreshed herself.

"Good." I said simply. I looked to Noah and he smiled at the two of us as he headed down the hall for his turn.