Mushaboom • Daryl Dixon

3

Daryl

When she came out of her room, she had her Jansport and camera with her. We'd be going to the old bridge then. Every time things go wrong we'd go over there. We'd keep each other company. She'd take pictures, I even tracked animals sometimes so she can take photos of them. Usually it wouldn't work, but it was fun contributing to her pictures. It was the best.

We picked up some snacks at the gas station, then continued on the road. Was about a thirty minute drive. She had me play one of her Brenton Wood tapes as we drove out of town and towards the highway. I lived for these moments. Her hair flew around all crazy with the windows down; she'd thump her thumbs to the beat on the wheel while she'd softly nod to the music. And occasionally she'd smile at me.. I watched in silence, contentment filled my lungs while the wind blew through the car as we drove through the trees. Just us.

When we got there, we threw the snacks into her backpack and we begin our short hike towards the bridge. I walked ahead and heard her shutters go off. She looked up from her camera and smiled at me. I shook my head, but knew she'd take more pictures anyway.

Rachel tried to capture ever moment. As if it would save them. She ran to them as if they would disappear at anytime. She was always afraid of losing her moments. She'd mask it with confidence. Acted like she always had everything under control. It was all an act to cover up the fact that she knew she had nothin' under control.

At home, things were never consistent for her. Her parents would often fight, take breaks. Her dad was pretty explosive towards her, her brother and her mom. And her mom.. distant, like she wasn't even there at times. They were good people.. just broken. Rachel took care of her parents, her two siblings and sometimes even me, just to have a sense of control in her life. I saw her. And she let me, just like I had let her.

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We were there for a couple hours. I honestly lost track of time. Everything was going good but I had to open my damn mouth..

"You know. I would've been alright if you didn't step in.. Didn't need ya." I said quietly yet defensively. It just kinda came out. I wasn't thinking- I didn't mean for it to come off defensive but thinking about her constantly trying to take care of me got to me this time. I loved her for it, but I hated myself for allowing her to be in the situation to do so.

She stopped, let her camera down and turned towards me. I could see the anger building in her eyes. Shit.

"You really want to do this now Daryl?" She challenged, and I couldn't help but meet her at her level. I already started so I had to finish. I needed to get a handle on this damn temperament..

"I could have" I taunted. I hated myself for doing so but I couldn't stop. I kept pushing. I could see a fire start in her eyes. Without noticing, I had started pacing- anger growing. I glared at her, letting her see that I wouldn't stop.

She laughed, then her face grew angry. "I don't know Daryl. It kinda looked like you were getting your ass handed to." Her tongue was sharp. She chose her words carefully.

"You know wha-" I scoffed, "I can take care of myself!" I was riled up, and couldn't stop even though I wanted to. Anything that came to mind was spoken without any thought. I kept pacing but got closer to her each time.

"I don't need you! I didn't want you, I don't want ya to help! You only ever get in my way!" I threw my water to the side. "Trying to be some control freak- like ya know what's best for me. Ya can't even save yourself. s'stop tryin' to save me!" My chest was fuming, and I stepped right up to her face. "I don't. Need you."

She took in everything I said, her eyes watered but she stood her ground, never breaking away from my eyes. She just took it. Like she always had, like with her dad. Her dad. What the hell was I doing.

I stepped back and stumbled. She stood there, heaving but her stare never breaking. I let out a gasp as my chest and head continued to pound. It hurt. This wasn't me. I wasn't them.

"You done?" She asked weakly. The tears building up began to fall down her face but she remained silent and stayed her ground. I couldn't speak or breathe. After what seemed like for ever, she finally turned around and headed down the path going towards her car. I could only stand there. Shame and guilt built up inside me. I stayed there until I could get my breathing under control. Once I did I headed back to her.

When I got to her car, she was sitting inside, resting her head on her arm against the window. I hated myself. I hated what I did to her, what I had done plenty of times. Why'd I have to ruin it?

I hesitated but opened the door and carefully got into the car. I kept my head down and we sat in silence for a while. I just wanted to hold her, to be able to touch her. She knew I didn't mean anything I said, but it still hurt. I wanted to tell her I was sorry, that I loved her, that she was everything to me.

I didn't. I kept quiet. She finally started the car and we headed home.

Rachel

I was emotionally spent. I drove us home in silence. Not looking at him once. When we got into town, I drove straight to his house. I didn't want to leave him there. With him. But we needed space.

I pulled up to his house and my eyes instantly watered. He was hesitant to reach for the handle. He was always so unsure what to do after episodes like that. He looked over to me and stared. I finally allowed myself to look at him. Our eyes meeting instantly. He looked so tired, and sad. We both regretted the whole thing, but we would have to fix it later.

He stared for a moment longer. For a split second I thought he might reach for me, I think he did too, but he stopped himself and left without a word. I let out a weary sigh. once he was inside, I drove home.

Daryl

When I got inside I went straight for the garage. Hoping to go unheard. I walked in and pulled out some tools and begin to work on my truck- well, scraps of a truck. I had to clear my head. I replayed what I had done in my head. Made me feel sick. The thoughts of possibilities of what could've happened ran through my mind. What if I reached for her, what if I told her how sorry I was, what if I told her the truth, that I -

I flinched as my dad stormed through the door and stopped to look at me. I stopped and stared at him silently from the ground.

He stared me down for a beat longer, the stammered, "Yer school called.. ya fightin' boy? Where'd ya g-go?"

I stayed quiet and kept staring. He scoffed and threw his bottle in his hand towards me. I flinched and it hit my truck inches away. The glass exploded and the drink sprayed my head. When I looked back up he was already on top of me. He grabbed me and pulled me up raggedly.

Holding me tight and close, I waited for a blow to the head. He laughed once and lightly slapped the side of my face as if playfully. He smelled heavily of whisky; his eyes were gone. He looked me up and down and smiled. He let go, "Ya look like shit Dare." He laughed as he staggered away.

Once he was inside, I could breathe. I finished up what I had been working on, cleaned up the bottle mess, and decided to get out of the house. I washed up and left.

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I walked to the station and picked up some smokes. The guy that ran the place was trash. Would sell anything to anyone. I smoked on the side of the station. Keeping to myself and to my thoughts. I needed to talk to Rachel. I needed to get us out of here. I needed her. I cursed myself and threw the smoke down to the ground. I began to walk up the road and headed on to her house.

Hey! I wrote this with how quickly Daryl becomes angry out of defense in mind. Trying to write it as if he is still yet to completely become who we see him as in the second ep. He's still sensitive but innocent in a way despite already having gone through hell. Hope ya enjoyed!