Just 2 months ago, Demi split from the guy she thought was her forever.
Demi first met Odell Beckham Jr after her concert in Las Vegas, it was just a one night stand between them but it turned into an agreement.
I found talking to Odell insanely easy so I told him a lot of shit that I haven't spoken to anyone else about. It was nice to get a lot of stuff off my chest but it didn't make me feel much better. I still hate every fucking thing about myself.
Demi Lovato arrives at LAX airport in Los Angeles covering up in a large hoodie
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Demi Lovato, 25, cut a somber figure on Thursday when she arrived at LAX covered in a hoodie. The former Disney star was dressed in black sweatpants and a black hoodie.
The next few weeks consisted of rehearsals. I did manage to escape for a couple days and I headed up to Mammoth Lakes with Marissa, Sirah and a few other friends. I kept in constant contact with Odell also who was always checking in on me. His concern really did warm my heart but it also made me fall harder for him. I am seriously head over fucking heels in love with him.
The first date of my tour was February 26th in San Diego. Before the show we had Cast on Tour. It's their way to promote the work that Cast have done for people, including myself. I had to make a speech about my recovery and addiction. It's easier said then done when you're still struggling. Luckily I'm able to lie and people can't easily see through it.
"Thank you San Diego" I gave the audience a wave before I left the stage. It was like as soon as I stepped off the stage that I was hit with all the shit going on in my life. My negative thoughts quickly creeped back in. I gave each of my dancers a hug as I passed them but the smile on my face dropped when I noticed Mike and Phil.
"You did good" I gave them a nod, glancing to Kelsey as she passed me a bottle of water. I flashed her a light smile, unscrewed the bottle lid and brought it up to my lips. Kelsey started up a conversation that thankfully pulled me away from Mike and Phil. I'm starting to feel intimidated by them. They stand over me and watch everything I do.
I changed quickly in my dressing room and then headed out to my tour bus, completely exhausted. All I want to do is sleep. There was a salad sat on the table as I stepped onto the bus. I rolled my eyes, picked it up and shoved it in the refrigerator before I headed down to my room. I don't want to eat anything, especially not a fucking salad.
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Liked by iamkittens, matthew_scott_montgomery and 8,624,725 others ddlovato Night 1 of the @tellmeyoulovemetour in San Diego was incredible. Love you guys. Can't wait for everyone to see this show 🙌🏼 #TellMeYouLoveMeTour View all 3,824,725 comments obj 😻😻😻 diannadelagarza So proud baby 💗
I continued to fake my way through my speech during Cast on Tour. It was being on stage that really helped to take my mind off the demons inside my head. I could have cried anytime I went on stage and had my fans sing back to me. My Lovatics are one of the reasons I continue to do this.
I hit 6 years of sobriety on March 15th. It may be a crazy achievement but I'm fucking miserable. I had so many congratulations and people stating how proud they are of me whilst I continue to battle my demons daily. I'm not happy with my life right now. I thought that being sober, I'd be happy. I thought my life was everything I wanted it to be but the more I'm forced to eat certain foods and workout an excessive amount, the more miserable I become. I'm being forced into sobriety and I'm not sure it's something I want anymore.
From Odell: So fucking proud BB ❤️🤘🏼🎉
I sobbed my heart out as Odell's message pinged through. For the first time today, I had actually been left alone and the silence was really starting to get to me.
"Honey?" I jumped at the voice causing my phone to fall from my hand and land on the floor with a dull thud. I sniffled and quickly wiped at my cheeks before I glanced to Jill who had bent down to pick up my phone. My eyes quickly took note of the bouquet of white roses she had ahold of.
"Who are they from?" her lips twitched into a light smile.
"Read the card" I grabbed the card and read over it.
Demi, Happy 6th Birthday. You a fucking badass and I'm glad to know you. Proud of ya bb! - Odell.
I bit my lip as my chin quivered. I lowered the note onto the couch and took the roses from Jill.
"You okay, D?"
"I've been better" my voice was a mumble. Jill gave my arm a light squeeze but didn't get to question me further. I sent Odell a quick thank you just as the rest of my team piled into the room. I was glammed up and then headed to Cast on Tour. I plastered a fake smile on my face as they sang 'Happy Birthday' to me. I suddenly started to feel guilty. The thought of being sober doesn't appeal to me anymore. I don't want it anymore. I'm going to let a fuck load of people down with these thoughts.
DJ Khaled and Kehlani surprised me on stage. It took everything I had to not start sobbing at their speech. Being called an inspiration completely broke my heart because I don't feel like an inspiration right now. I don't feel like I should be celebrated. I did have a little cry on stage just after they left but I quickly managed to pull myself together and continue on with the show.
I finished off the rest of the show and then headed straight to my dressing room. I didn't stop to talk to anyone. I slid into the restroom and locked the door behind me, that's when I allowed myself to completely break down. There was no holding my emotions back. I don't know how I'm going to heal from this. Even after I'd stopped crying, I just leant back against the wall and hugged my knees. I didn't react to the multiple knocks on the restroom door and I definitely didn't react to Mike's almost threatening comments and demands for me to come out the bathroom. It wasn't until I heard a certain voice that I sat up.
"Baby?" I pushed myself up from the floor and wiped at my cheeks. My heart was pounding against my chest. It was as soon as I'd opened the door and my eyes landed on Odell that I threw myself at him, not taking note of anyone else in the room as I nuzzled my face into Odell's neck. His scent was calming as his arms slid around my waist. Odell is the only person who truly knows a lot of shit.
