Middle Fingers Up // Billy Hargrove x Reader

𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑷𝑻𝑬𝑹 𝑭𝑶𝑹𝑻𝒀-𝑵𝑰𝑵𝑬

You look up at him, bemused by the suggestion. "This feels familiar," You comment, drawing his lips to smirk down at you at the memory of prom. "My answer now is the same as back then - no. Thanks."

"I seem to remember you saying yes. Eventually." He taunts, hand still outstretched to you. Okay, he had you there. Taking his hand in one of yours and setting the beer down the the other, he folds you into his grasp with a triumphant smile as you stand. One hand on the small of your back, the other wrapping around yours as he swayed gently to the music. "That was far easier than I remember."

"Yeah, well I'm not quite as argumentative as I was back then." You scoff, rolling your eyes though there wasn't any malice to it. If anything, you felt somewhat... relaxed. His company was easier to be in now the both of you had a chance to grow and make something of yourselves. Part of you wished you'd first met at the age you were now - he was so laid back and calm, so at ease with himself. Teenage you would have been head-over-heels. 

Oh, please. On second, thought teenage you would probably have made him cry.

But if you had met now instead of then, you wouldn't have Theo. History was important and no matter how much you wished you could rewrite it to suit your narrative, you would never be able to. "This doesn't mean I forgive you." You scold, trying to enjoy the moment but your brain didn't want to shut up.

"I don't expect you to."

"Good. Because you really hurt me, you know." Your tone was quiet as you sway to the music, at first avoiding his gaze but then pinning him to your own, so he could see you meant the words you spoke. Those eyes that were so stormy and wild once were like a serene lake now, housing only guilt for the things he regretted. He says nothing, encouraging you to open up more. 

It might have been the gentle tune he'd picked or the low light of the room; but the peacefulness of it all had you freeing yourself of the things you'd wanted to say to him. You hadn't been able to articulate it before, but here in his arms? It was like he was slowly coaxing out what you needed to say to him. "I loved you so much, Billy. You knew that already, but more than anything I trusted you. That meant more to me than love ever did and you... You destroyed it all."

You swallow thickly against the rising threat of emotion in your throat, looking down for barely a moment before your attention is fixed to him once more. His shoulders slump slightly as he exhales, but he otherwise doesn't interrupt and just keeps swaying you to the music. "You said you couldn't eat or sleep, but Billy, I couldn't exist after what you did to me. I felt like some..." You pause, trying to find the right words and his hand on your back tightens slightly against the cloth of your dress. "Some hideous creature who wasn't worthy of love or feelings. I was just this hollow, empty shell of a person. I thought I'd never feel anything ever again until Theo came along."

Your attentions dip to the sleeping child on the couch nearby, a soft smile curling the edges of your mouth as he rolls onto his side. 

"I am who I am today because of him. Nobody else. He healed the damage his father inflicted." You mumble, turning your glance back to the blonde in your hold. "I don't have anger anymore, but I do have regard for my own feelings. I'm not an idiot. I will never let myself be hurt like that again."

Those big blue eyes regard you for the longest time, searching every inch of your features as though they might never lay witness to them again. His lips part to take a breath and his grip on your hand tightens ever so slightly before relaxing again. "I don't think I'll ever have the words to make you know how sorry I really am. It was so stupid and I understand you don't want to go there with me again, but I'm just thankful you're willing to even be around me, let alone be supportive of me getting to know the kid."