Forgotten

Chapter 30

(Faith pov)

Dec-22nd-2018
Gym📍

Working & writing out has always cleared my mind, since I didn't have my journal this was the only option.

I hang a punching bag & start to go at it. I had a lot on my mind, you never really expect it. One Moment you're fine & the next thing you know you get pulled down in. Punch after punch I start to lose myself in my thoughts…"You thought it was okay to show up after all these years…you had so many chances but did you take them?"

"I know sorry won't fix anything but I really am sorry." I remember this moment clearly. "You say I think too much, but you can't always run away from everything!!" With every thought I punch the bag even harder.

The argument with mac. "You don't break her fucking heart, she loves you." At that moment I thought I was right. "I had no other choice, she deserves better!! You don't even know me or her!!"

I stop hitting the bag & lay against the wall. One thought after another ran in my mind.

"Faith!!!, Faith!!!, I'm fucking talking with you, stop being so stubborn." The time she got engaged with that dick Pete. "I'm just watching out for you." I got jealous & I made a big scene about it but I was right.

Then I had my usual mental breakdown, which has only gotten worse. If it wasn't for Ariana I don't know what I would've done. "I can't fucking believe you did that!! What if you mess with the wrong person?" I never thought, I just hide these emotions.

Faith's thoughts: "I have too many issues & I know one day I'm going to be the problem."

I made her year rougher than it had to be. "It's not your fault what you did happened months ago, it has nothing to do with anything." After everything I do I never put any thought to my actions. "I never think, I fucking act I never think about the consequences!!"

I get upset & frustrated with myself. I got back to punching the bag. What else can I do? I don't want to cause her any problems she doesn't need. "My ex boyfriend, my friend passed away & you have the audacity to say all of that in front of my friends & family!!"

Memories of the night when Mac passed, I wanted to be there for her but I wasn't."I was alone for the past 3 years & I have no fucking Idea of what I was doing & now I have you back I just want to tell you everything." There is still so much I haven't told her yet.

"You never learn do you." I'm trying to, but sometimes it's hard. "I know, it's just I don't care to listen to myself or anyone." Like I told myself hundreds of times; "I'm just a burden waiting to cause trouble"

I continued to let my frustration out, until I just couldn't anymore. To the point of exhaustion where I just couldn't. I spend the next hour here working on myself.

Physically I was doing great, emotionally I'm content with my life. Mentally I wasn't, a lot shit I can't let go of.

I had enough time at this place, I grabbed my crap & put on my jacket & headed out.

Ariana's apartment📍

I didn't really bother to change, I still had some of my clothes here. She thought It'd be nice to spend some time together.

I walked in thinking she was out in the studio heading straight into the bathroom to take a shower.

I opened the door without even putting on my towel & there she was standing right infront me, I immediately closed the door.

Faith's thoughts: "She saw me naked great!!"

Ariana: "I didn't see, I mean…I…uhh…you look amazing, babe!?