Just For a Little Bit (On Hold)

That's not what I wanted

Hope POV

I hear the front door slam shut, which no doubtedly was Josie. "Oh my god" I mumble, running my hands down my face. I grab my things, then head downstairs. I go outside, but I don't see Jo anywhere. With a sigh, I start making my way to the school, where Alex is waiting for me. Soon, I arrive there. 

I go up to Alex's room, then knock on the door. She immediately opens the door. There's a smile on her face, like always. Though, the smile is... very different. Sometimes I'll see her talking to her friends in class or in the hallways, and when she smiles or laughs... I don't know. It's just very different with me. 

"Hey, you" she says, pulling me into a hug. "Hey" I reply, giving her a tight lipped smile as I pull away. She furrows her eyebrows. "What's wrong?" she asks. I opened my mouth to speak, but she beat me to it. "And don't you dare say 'nothing'. I can tell something's bothering you, so tell me what's up" she says, shutting the door.

She grabs my hand and leads me to her bed. She has a roommate, but she's never here. Or she's never here when I am. I've never even met her. Actually, I don't know who she is. I mean, I wouldn't know her even if she told me her name, which she hasn't. "Where's your roommate?" I ask, a bit curious, actually. 

"Oh, she's just... I think she had a date or something" she answers. "Mmm" I hum, sitting on the bed, in which she does the same. Though, I'm on more the edge, and she's sitting against the headboard. She just stares at me, which is really confusing. And a bit weird. "What?" I ask. "Get up here, silly" she tells me, chuckling a bit. "Ok" I mumble, moving next to her. 

"So, what's going on?" she asks. "Well, as you know, I have a girlfriend" I start. "Yea, yea. Josie, right?" she respond. I answer with a nod. "She had been acting off all day, which is really odd for her" I continue. She nods, telling me to continue. "So, when we got home, I tried talking to her, but that didn't go as well as I hoped it would" I finish. "Well, what happened?" she asks. 

"She told me she was fine, which I knew was a lie, but it was obvious she didn't wanna talk about it, so I dropped it, but... I'd come to realize that she may be jealous of a friend of mine from New Orleans, which she shouldn't be, because she knows I'd never, ever do anything with anyone other than her. I'd never even think of another girl like that" I answer. 

She nods again. "Well, how about we take your mind off that..." she starts. I furrow my eyebrows, a bit curious as to where she's going with this. "What do you say we go on a little walk?" she continues. "A... walk?" I respond. "Yea. It's just to the lake and back. Who knows? Maybe it'll be relaxing" she finishes. 

"Plus, I kinda need a distration, too" she adds. "Uh... ok, sure" I say, getting off the bed. When I turn around, I see her smiling. Again, the smile is different. She seems oddly happy. Or excited. She leads me outside, as we walk in a... neutral silence. It's not uncomfortable, but it's also not comfortable. It's just... silence. Which is also different. 

Usually, when we're together, we're talking or laughing; or both. But not now. It actually feels really weird. Maybe I'm just overthinking it. "So..." I start, trying to kickstart some type of small talk. "How was your day?" she asks. "Apart from you and Josie, I mean" she adds. "Well, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't all that great, I guess" I answer. "You?" I ask. 

Josie POV

After leaving home, I quickly made my way to the school. I thought about going to talk to one of my friends, but... I really just wanna be alone right now. My thoughts are pretty much everywhere right now, and I'm not sure if I'm ready to admit anything to anyone right now. Especially not to Hope. 

Instead of going to someone, I go to the mill. I have my 'diary' hidden there. It's my little spot. The place I go to when I need to... get away, I guess you could say. When I arrive, I grab the jounal, then go to where I write. My last entry was about a month ago; around the time Hope and Faith arrived. 

I haven't had time to write lately, due to being with Hope all the time, which is weird, because I used come write all the time. Even when I was with Jade. I mean, sure, Hope actually takes the time out of her day to spend time with me, but she really doesn't have any friends, so I feel like it's only because of that. If she had more friends, she'd be the same as Jade. 

She'd treat me the same. Alex has already been taking her from me. Oh my god. We're not even together and I'm making it seem like we are. I'm making it all about me, again. I let out a low, dry chuckle. I let out a sigh. "I'm doing it again" I whisper, talking to myself like a crazy person. As I'm writing, I hear voices, but not in my head. 

I look out of the window and see Hope. Though, she's not alone. She's with Alex. I roll my eyes out of anger. Or jealousy. I can never tell the difference nowadays. They were laughing, which made my throat go dry. I never felt this with Jade, so it's all confusing. Why is she doing this to me?  Out of curiousity, I leave the mill and start to follow them. 

I'm not close enough to hear their conversation, but it seems like they're having a good time. 

Hope POV


Alex and I sit on the dock. I stare out at the water. It looks really calm. Kinda comforting, if you ask me. We sat in silence for a while. My thoughts were 50% clouded with Josie's face, then the other 50% was clouded with how I'm gonna apologize to her. So, it's just Josie. It has been for a little while now. She always seems to weasle her way into my brain. 

"I gotta say, Al. This is pretty calming" I say. She smiles. "Right? Told you it would be" she replies. I chuckle a bit as I look back out at the water. I see a little fish jump out, then go back in. It makes me smile, because I know Josie likes fish. She thinks they're really... unbothered. All they do is swim around. It's their only goal in life. Me, I think it's kinda weird, but it's also cute. 

"Hope?" Alex says. "Hm?" I hum, keeping my eyes on the water. "What're you smiling about?" she asks. "Oh, it's nothing. I was just thinking about Jo-" I start, but she puts her hand on the side of my face and makes me look at her. Before I can get a word out, she crashes her lips onto mine. "What the hell?!" I exclaim, pushing her away and standing up. 

"Sorry, you were just... you seemed really sad and I wanted to make you feel better" she tells me. I shake my head. "That's not what I wanted" I tell her. "Look, we're friends and all, but... you can't do that. I have a girlfriend, you know that" I continue. "Ok, I'm sorry" she responds. Though, she doesn't seem all too... sorry, or guilty. She knew exactly what she was doing. 

I take a deep breath, trying to keep my composer. "I gotta go" I say, already walking away.