Niall's Cancer Battle: A 1D Fanfic

Chapter Thirty-One: Selfish

**A/N** Please keep in mind that there a lot of POVs in this chapter. Sorry in advance if you hate it that way..

Chapter Thirty-One: Selfish

**Liam's POV**

Once we get Niall settled back down again, I grab Harry by the collar of his shirt and pull him out of the room. Louis follows us and I shut the door behind me. I'm so angry that I have the urge to take most of it out physically but I resist. Instead I shove Harry towards the wall and stand in front of him with my arms crossed.

"You knew he'd react like that! That's why you didn't stop! Isn't it?!" I demand angrily. I hate the pain Harry just put Niall through.

"Of course not. How was I supposed to know it would turn out like that?! I was explaining a dream that made me restless," Harry snaps at me. His green eyes flash with annoyance, morphing his familiar face into a stranger's. This entire cancer situation is driving us all apart.

"Why didn't you stop?!" I'm still pissed and I try to maintain my angry stance. I can't have Harry thinking I'm giving in.

"Liam is this really necessary? It was just a dream for Christ's sake," Louis says, stepping beside Harry and glaring at me.

"Did you not see how Niall reacted to it?!"

"He's probably just in a lot of pain."

"Of course he's in pain! He has cancer!" I yell. My self control is disappearing. I squeeze my fingernails into my palms, pushing away the thought of crying.

"Then why don't we just kill him off!" Louis yells back.

My heart drops. "Kill him off?!" I stare stunned at one of my best mates. Louis' glare remains unwavering, his mouth set grimly. He's serious. "Kill him off? He's not an animal, Louis!"

"No, he's not, but at least he won't be in pain anymore. We can all work on moving on. Really the only thing we are doing is prolonging the wait! Which is selfish!" Louis is really mad judging by the sound of his voice. But I can also see the pain in his eyes and the tears threatening to come. This isn't easy for anyone.

But I can't just let go of Niall. I'm too selfish.

I let my body sag away from the lads. I walk backwards a couple steps before my back comes in contact with a wall. It feels like my entire body goes weak and I slide down the wall to the floor. My legs stretch out in front of me and I stare at my shoes. I stare at them so long that my eyes begin to burn, my vision narrowing down to a single point on my left shoe as everything else goes black. When I finally blink, tears fall from my eyes and soon enough I'm sobbing.

"It's not fair! It's not fair that Niall has to go through this pain all the time! It's not fair that he's going to die and not be able to see Ireland again. It's not fair that he didn't get to experience love or life! It's not fair that the world gets to take him away!" I scream at the top of my lungs, not caring that every word echoes around me, bouncing off the white sterile walls. I don't care about the people I'm probably alarming. I need to scream and cry or I will break further than I already have. I need release.

I grab my head and bang it repeatedly against the wall behind me. I feel arms wrap around my body, pulling me away from the wall but I pay no attention. I hear the distant yelling for help but I'm lost in my mental screams.

I'm lost in my self-grieving. Self-loathing. Self-hatred. Selfish. Selfish. Selfish.

**Zayn's POV**

"Is it selfish of me to just want to stay out here?" I ask. I'm lying on the grass staring up at the clouds with Katie by my side. We are about a foot apart and I haven't touched since I kissed her.