Niall's Cancer Battle: A 1D Fanfic

Chapter Forty: The End

**A/N** I'm going to drive myself into depression. I swear. Author's note at the end is important.

Chapter Forty: The End

**Harry's POV**

I check into a random hotel, tell the woman to book me a suite, and then find myself in the penthouse on the thirty-ninth floor with Niall's notebook and the USB containing details of how Louis, Liam, and Zayn died, in my hand and waiting for me. 

I look around the room for the laptop that the deluxe package included. I find it in the bedroom and bring it out into the living room, setting it on the coffee table. I don't want to insert the USB and listen to what the officer had to say. I don't want to know.

But I have to get it over with sometime.

I stare down at the notebook in my hand. The cover is simple and black. I run my hand across it, imagining how Niall must have felt as he stared down into it. Can I make myself read the contents beneath the cover?

I bite my lip. I'm scared out of all the available emotions. I'm scared as hell to know what's in this notebook and what's on the USB.

I want to call Liam and ask him to help me through this. I want Louis there to grip my hand and chant, "It's okay, Hazz. It's okay." I want Zayn to stand there quietly and observe everything with me. I want Niall to laugh about how ridiculous I'm acting about this all. But that won't happen. None of that will happen.

They're all dead. They've all left me.

I bite my bottom lip, forcing the tears back and recline into the cushions of the couch. Slowly, slowly I peel back the cover of the notebook. My breathing feels heavier and my entire chest threatens to cave into itself.

When I have enough stability to keep my hands from shaking, I bring the notebook up into the light and start to read:

Entry 1

Today I found out that I have Pancreatic Cancer. It's funny because I never thought this would happen to me. I mean, what kind of person lives their every day life and actually THINKS about having Pancreatic Cancer. I surely didn't sign the death waiver while I was unconscious somewhere...

I keep thinking about being unconscious. I've blacked out dozen of times from how completely wasted I've gotten. How many black outs does it take to prove you drink way too much alcohol? Apparently enough to say "HEY! You have Pancreatic Cancer now too buddy!"

I'm scared of what will happen but I don't want to show that to the other lads. This will be the place I leave all my negative thoughts. All the things I don't say to the lads. Every single thing that goes through mind.

This notebook will be my escape.

Niall ends the note with a sloppy signature. I stare down at the sloppy letters and realize my heart is pounding in my chest. However I thought the note was going to be...this was beyond my imagination. Niall didn't want to show us his negative thoughts on his cancer. Actually, thinking about it now, I realize that he tried to hide it as best as possible. Maybe he had things hidden from us that I'd never even guess about. 

The notebook feels heavy in my hands. My mind is reeling and my fingers are just itching to flip page after page as my eyes devour each and every word. I need to know what he was feeling. I need to know that he didn't feel cheated of life. I need to know he lived.