Niall's Cancer Battle: A 1D Fanfic

Chapter Seven: Bucket List

Chapter Seven: Bucket List

*Zayn's POV*

Liam didn't talk on the car ride to the hotel and he's still quiet as we walk in the room. I close the door behind me and flop down into one of the couches in the living room area, putting my feet up and relaxing into it. Liam walks out of the room and I hear a door close. Thankfully, he's past his rage stage.

"I'm going to cook. Lou come help me out," Harry instructs and takes Louis with him to the kitchen. Louis happily skips along and I laugh under my breath as Niall's face lights up at the mere mention of food.

"Nialler! Come over lad," I motion for him to join me and he walks over still smiling. He plops down into the couch and I drape my legs over his lap casually. "So how're you taking things?" I ask.

"Pretty well," he says and I look at his face for any sign of a lie. There isn't one and I notice his genuine smile.

That's one thing about Niall I will never understand. His capability to take in something so life changing and just go with it as if it wasn't really going to happen. He and I both know that in a year from now, or less, he might not be around. And yet, he sits on the couch with a wide smile and bright blue eyes. He has a plan and I know it.

"What's going through your head Irish boy?" I say in my best impersonation of an Irish accent and he nods in approval. The boys and I like to speak in Irish accents occasionally to make him feel better.

"I'm thinking about how Liam is taking it all. Also if I made the right decision in not taking chemo. Also I'm wondering about what I should put on me bucket list I want to create. And there's a tiny tiny tiny part of me brain thinking about what Harry is cooking," he finishes with a wider smile and laughs loudly.

"Well. I think you made the right decision towards chemo..," I say and Niall raises his eyebrows at me. "It's not because I want to see you die. No of course not," I frown and images from my dreams start harassing my thoughts.

Niall dead. Louis harsh and unfamiliar. Liam killing himself with drinks. Everything just falling apart.

"Hey Zayn. I wasn't thinking anything near that," Niall punches my arm and I break out of my thoughts.

"Sorry," I shake my head and clear it. "What I was saying is that I support your decision in not taking chemo. I wouldn't want to either. I mean if your cancer is already so advanced...and there isn't anything we can really do...I mean it is kind of useless to even attempt chemo...right? I mean like it would just kill you faster...uhh I didn't mean to make it seem like I wanted you to die or anything. I...I....uh. I don't know what I'm saying anymore," I make myself stop blabbing and press my palms into my eyes, turning the insides of my eyelids into a bunch of bright dots. I'm such an idiot.

Niall laughs and I feel his body shaking the entire couch. I take my hands off my eyes and look at him. His eyes are shut as he laughs, his head thrown back and his mouth wide open. I can't help but laugh along with him. Niall's laughter was infectious.

"Zayn you honestly think I'd ever believe you want me dead? I know you all love me. I'm irresistible," he winks dramatically as he says something Harry normally says.

"I know but...I don't know. Maybe you'd think we could actually cope without you here," I say quietly and I watch his entire face transform as he concentrates on what I'm saying. I run a hand through my hair. "I don't think we can go through without you Niall. One Direction won't exist without you, you know that. It will all be different...it'll be-"

"I know," he interrupts me. "But I can't beat it Zayn...I can't and we know that. I'm going to die," he pauses and for a few moments we just sit there quietly. I don't know what to say. "I want to live out the rest of me life happy. I want to do so much more than what I've already done. I know it's hard to believe that anyone would reject a chance to survive, but I have no choice. Chemo will kill me faster. I won't die stuck in a hospital. I just won't."