Niall's Cancer Battle: A 1D Fanfic

Chapter Thirty-Four: Asleep

*A/N* Updated because well...I had a nightmare. 

Chapter Thirty-Four: Asleep

**Zayn's POV**

Harry, Louis and I just come home from buying groceries. Harry waits in the car as Louis and I head in to find Liam and Niall. I remember being so happy that we can finally get out of the house and do something.

But when I get inside, everything is wrong.

I run. I try to find Niall, knowing that something terrible has happened. I can feel it. The wound in my chest opening up, threatening to tear me apart.

I smack into a body of flesh, Liam. "Liam!" I yell in shock. I look up and freeze.

Liam's eyes are bloodshot from tears. His brown eyes so dimmed that I feel every ounce of sadness radiating off of him. My own heart starts to shatter. Niall. Where is Niall?!

My mind tells me he's dead. He's dead and that's why Liam is acting like this. I shake my head and pull at my hair, sprinting away from Liam. He can't be dead. I know, I know he isn't dead.

I run to his bedroom door and am about to open the door but I pause. I can't bring myself to look into a room of a dead person. Niall won't be in there.

I spin and put my hand over my mouth. My stomach tightens and I feel like I might puke. I can't see straight. My eyes blur as tears fall. I can't breathe but I don't care. I gasp. I walk a few steps backward, my back hits a wall and I slide down it. I stare at Niall's door.

He can't be dead, I repeatedly think to myself. He can't be dead. He can't be dead. He can't be dead. He can't be dead. He can't be dead. I repeat it so much, trying to rewire my brain into thinking he's not dead.

"Zayn." I glance up. Louis is standing over me with tears in his eyes. Confirmation of Niall's death.

I gasp again, this time a jagged sound as I don't bother to try and cover my mouth. My body heaves into the sobbing. I clutch my chest, the pain growing. You can't be dead Niall. You can't be.

Louis turns away from me and stalks into Niall's bedroom. I force myself up and follow after Louis. I gaze at Niall's bed. The indentation of where he sleeps is still present. The place where he feels safe as he rests at night. I look at the place and stare, crying and sobbing tears of heartbreak.

Louis lays down on his bed, directly on top of Niall's ghost indentation. Anger spikes inside of me and I stomp over to his side, grabbing his arm and pulling him off the bed. "You can't lie here!" I scream at him, angry that he thinks he can.

Louis drops to the floor and doesn't move. He stares up in a trance, almost as if I didn't pull him off the bed. I leave him to find Liam.

I run through the house, part of me hoping to find Niall but another, larger party of me knowing that it's no good. He won't be found anywhere.

"Zayn!" I stop when my name is called. I turn towards Liam. He's standing a few feet away. His hands are shaking at his sides. Tears falling down his face endlessly. I gasp. This is a new kind of pain within me.

I shake my head. No. I mean to say it out loud but can't. No. No. No. No. No. Niall isn't dead. No. No. NO!

Liam walks to me, his bottom lip quivering. I ball my fists as my eyes burn with a new wave of tears. I have to hit something to release my pain. Or at least some of it. I have to get out of my head.

"Zayn," Liam shakes his head, breaking off from whatever he was saying. He tries again. "Zayn, Niall... He-"

"No!" I scream because it can't be true. It can't be. It can't be. "No, please Liam. No," I cry out. My sobs take over and I keep my shaking my head.

"He died Zayn. I'm sorry. There's nothing we can do now," Liam says defeatedly.

And there it is. His death. Liam's tears. My heart breaking into a thousand pieces. I can't even think straight. I walk up to Liam. I keep shaking my head, thinking that it'll rid the thoughts.

I don't know what to say. I struggle through my tears to think of something good to say. What do you say about something like this? "Did he...pass peacefully?" I ask quietly.

Liam nods. "He died in my arms, Zayn. In my arms." Liam chokes on his sobs and turns away from me. He leans over and clutches at his stomach like he's just been stabbed. I know how he's feeling because I feel it too.

I walk away from Liam dazed. Niall is dead and I didn't even get to see his last day. Another sob wrecks through me and I spin, throwing my fist out as it connects with the hard wall. I slam my fist against it. Again and again. Harder and harder until my knuckles crack open and bleed. I don't feel the pain of the walls. I only feel the open wound of my heart.

I keep screaming, throwing my fist against the wall. Trying to break down this wall in front of me. I have to knock it down and see what's on the other side. This wall is just in my way and if I slam my fist into it enough times then I'll be able to stop feeling pain.

I slam my fist again. My body heaves. I sob and cry. I scream my frustration out. My heart breaks. Everything inside of me breaks apart. Everything I believe in shatters. Everything I know is gone.

~~~~~

And then I wake up. A sudden awakening that involves me gasping for air and lifting my head off the tear stained pillow. A dream. A mother fucking dream.

I still feel the pain of losing Niall and I slam my fist forward. Instead of connecting with a wall however, I connect with the back of the passenger seat. The "pillow" turns out to be my jacket on my backseat.

I sit up and clutch at my heavy breathing chest. It was all dreamt up. It wasn't real. It isn't real. I knew it wasn't real.

But it still feels completely real. I feel the open wound of Niall's death on my chest. I can't. I won't. I have to breathe and think clearly.

But most importantly I have to get back to Niall.

**A/N** I wrote this chapter because I just woke up from a dream that my dad died. This is like my dream in writing and so it hurt writing it, but I feel better. Honestly, this chapter probably doesn't fit with the context so I tried to make it work. Dreams seriously feel like reality sometimes.