Niall's Cancer Battle: A 1D Fanfic

Chapter Six: Decision

Chapter Six

**Niall's POV**

We're on our way to the doctor's now and the car ride is completely silent. Harry's driving with Liam sitting in the passenger seat, Louis and Zayn are sitting in the row in front of me, and I chose to sit in the far back of the car. My heads resting against the cold glass as I stare out the tinted window watching as buildings morph into trees and back again. That's all there was in Los Angeles, California: palm trees, buildings, and repeat. There aren't any open landscapes like my beautiful Ireland. 

"Nialler, you alright back there?" Liam asks and I hold back my urge to scoff at him. What the hell kind of question was that?

"I'm alright. Just a bit tired is all," I say. Technically it isn't a lie since I had been up most of the night crying and silently praying...and then that whole scene with Zayn earlier this morning had been strange but expected. 

Zayn is defnitely extremely protective over me. All of the boys are, but I sometimes get the feeling that they forget Harry is the youngest of the group. I don't mind really though, because they're all just great lads. I'm going to miss them most when I...

"LOUIS WHAT THE HELL? ARE YOU USING MY HAIR PRODUCT?!" Zayn yells from the seat in front of me and I watch as he runs his fingers through Louis's styled hair. Louis puts his hands up in front of him and moves away from Zayn slightly. "Louis! That's expensive!" Zayn complains and I roll my eyes at him. Zayn's such a pretty lad.

"It was on the sink! I thought sharing was caring?!?!?!" Louis says in a voice higher than normal.

"Not when it comes to my mirror, or hair products, or-"

"Me food!" I can't help but throw in. The lads all knew that my food was MY food. 

We continue to discuss about our personal belongings as Harry turns into the hospital's parking lot. He parks at a close distance and we all step out. The car beeps as the alarm is turned on and we walk towards the hospital door. Personally, it felt more like a prison than a hospital. This is it. This is the day I found out if there really is nothing I can do to cure my Pancreatic Cancer.

~~ Two hours later ~~

I'm exhausted. I don't think I can handle being in the hospital any longer. In the past two hours, I've already been jabbed repeatedly with a series of different needles, blood has been removed, I've taken five different tests and I had to go into a MRI machine. I shudder from remembering the MRI. It took me almost twenty minutes to get myself calm enough to get into it. I was claustrophobic and that machine was the scariest thing I've physically gone through. 

Now, we're all sitting in the doctor's office waiting for him to come back in with his suggestions as to how to approach this cancer. I'm on the hospital bed with Zayn sitting right beside me. He refuses to move whenever someone tells him to do so. Louis, Liam, and Harry are sitting in plastic chairs across from us. 

The door opens and everyone gets to their feet except for Zayn and me. I just let my feet dangle off the edge of the bed waiting for him to talk to us. He closes the door and leans against the counter beside the room's entrance. The room is extremely quiet and I'm almost falling off the bed to lean in towards him and hear his suggestions. 

He lets out a sigh and takes off his round glasses, placing them on the counter behind him. "Well Niall, there's only one real thing you can do. Actually two options: either start Chemotherapy or not take it at all."

"What are the pros and cons of this?" Liam asks professionally.

"With Chemotherapy, Niall's chances of survival are higher than if he didn't take it. However, throughout the time his body will deteriorate until there's nothing really left in his system to survive on. It'll get down to the wire and he will be dying, I'm not going to try and cover that up," the doctor pauses to take a breath then says, "If he doesn't take the Chemotherapy, he'll live the last of his months practically healthy- well if you can consider anything healthy while having Pancreatic Cancer- the only things to show up would be the final stages of his cancer. During that time, I suggest full time in the hospital." 

"Wait, so let me get this straightened out," Liam says and uses his hands to explain more. "Niall takes Chemotherapy and gets a higher chance at living, but he's going to suffer from it all throughout chemo. If he doesn't, then he lives basically how he is now until the real...symptoms of Pancreatic Cancer kick in..," Liam trails off and the doctor nods. 

"Yes, that is the basics of what I'm telling you."

"And would you suggest I take chemo?" I ask.

The doctor looks at me and I see conflict in his eyes. "I suggest you don't take chemo. Live out the rest of your life Niall. Your cancer is at a late stage already and actually curing you is practically impossible...it's not my life or decision, but I suggest you enjoy the rest of the life you have."

I swallow, taking in everything the doctor is saying. I could take Chemo and die the rest of my life in agony...or not take it and at least live healthier than I would on Chemo. But then there's also the higher survival rate of taking Chemo...

"Well, I think we all know what's going to happen," Liam stands and wipes his clean hands on his jeans. "Niall will start Chemotherapy next week doctor. Thank you for-"

"Niall will what?!" I jump off the bed and look at Liam confused. Since when did he answer things for me? Since when did my life belong to him? Liam looks at me just as confused as I feel. 

"You'll start Chemo next week. Obviously Niall," Liam says in a tone that's filled with authority. 

I shake my head. "No, that's not my choice Liam. I don't want Chemotherapy," I say and I hear the loud intakes of the boys around me. They hadn't expected my answer to be that way. 

Liam steps towards me and I notice the pain in his eyes. He's holding back the urge to cry and I know it. "What are you talking about Niall? Don't you want to live?" He asks and I fight the urge to cry and hug him. I can't stand the way Liam's voice breaks as he tries to control his emotions. 

"I want to live and that's why I'm not taking Chemo...If I take it...I'm practically killing myself on the spot. At least this way I'd get a more peaceful way out..," I drift off and I feel an arm go around me. Zayn of course.

"Nialler, this is serious. Your life is on the line and you want to decrease your chances of survival by not taking Chemo? Actually, if you don't take it you're just throwing your life away. You're throwing away One Direction. You're throwing away all of us!" Liam is crying now, tears are falling unshamelessly down his face and I feel bad for causing him to cry. I can't look at him.

What he doesn't understand is that I don't want to suffer to the end of my life. I want to do so much more before I go and I can't do that if I'm in the hospital daily. I want to live more than anything, but I know my cancer is unbeatable in the stage it's at now. I have to stay strong and live life to the fullest while I still can. No matter how much it breaks their hearts...I have to do it. For me.

"I'm not taking Chemo, Liam. I'm sorry, but I won't spend the rest of my days suffering," I say, it's barely audibile even for me, but I know Liam hears it. 

"You're selfish Niall. You're not thinking about everyone else in the band. You're only thinking about yourself. How dare you do this to us!" Liam yells and I know he's lost it. He flips a chair to the ground before storming out of the room angrily.

His words remain in my mind and I can't help but keep hearing the way his voice sounded...so broken. His eyes, though they were full of anger, were so full of sadness that I couldn't believe he held it all in his body.

"If that's everything, we better head out now," Louis says to the doctor and he nods. We all walk out and start looking for the upset Daddy Directioner. 

I walk with the boys but am not really looking. My mind is everywhere, but here in this hospital. I know what I want to do before I die and I'm going to create a list of things for me to complete. A bucket list, I was going to create a bucket list. 

 **A/N**

I hope you guys are enjoying this story and I hope that if you are, you spread the word(: Thanks so much for reading it's incredible.