without you

EIGHT

ADAIR CONNELLY

I vividly remember billie receiving the call.

I remember it so evocatively.

her screams.

her cries.

her sobs.

her shaking body against mine.

it was all so excruciating. there was no way of calming her down, there was no way of trying to hold her. so I just let her let out all her anger, all her painful screams until her throat was raw and she broke down all over again.

and all I could do was hold her and cry with her.

I've never wanted to be her hero so much mostly because most of the time I didn't think she needed a hero, she never needed someone to save her.

but that day I wanted to take all her pain away and make it mine, I wanted to be her hero, the one that takes away the pain and leave her happy again.

the bright billie again.

but that wasn't possible.

all I could do was sit and let her cry while trying to comfort her, "I know baby" is all I could say as her body shook in my arms.

days leading up to the funeral she wasn't any better although she pretended for everyone else, she put on a straight face while making plans for her brother's ceremony.

I could see through it all though.

I could hear her crying herself to sleep at night but anything I tried to comfort her I would be pushed away.

I could never blame her though, I understood.

everyone wants to be alone every once in a while.

I just wish she could have let me be there.

the ceremony wasn't any better, she put on a game face and went along with shutting her emotions until it was just the two of us although this time I couldn't let her be alone.

there was no way I was going to leave her alone.

I took care of her.

when she didn't want to take a bath, I helped her do it.

when she didn't want to eat, I sat patiently taking a small bite with her until it was all done even if it took hours.

again.. my love for billie had never died while she lost herself.

it was never to die.

END OF THE CHAPTER.