him, in all of his glory.

11. 𝘈𝘯 𝘶𝘯𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨

I sat on the ground. Visions from last night filling up my head. Tears still flowing out of my eyes. A headache slowly comes up.

Last night's nightmare had left me traumatized. It felt more real, as if it had more power over me than before. I hadn't slept at all after that. I felt terrible. I just couldn't let it go. All those deaths, all that pain, all those screams.

And..... I started crying again.

"Hey.." I heard a voice behind me say. I looked behind me. Percy was standing there now looking very confused and concerned at the same time. He noticed my dull eyes, the puffy face and the tears flowing down. "Gods! Are you ok?" He quickly said while sitting down close next to me. I looked at him. I truly wanted to form a sentence, a word even, but I just couldn't and broke down again. He held me. With all of him. I could hear his heartbeat, and I could feel his warmth. He put his hand on my head and held me even closer. "It's okay, you're here now. Safe." He said in the calmest voice.

I felt like I could finally breathe again.

We sat in that position for a while until I knew I could speak again. I pulled away and smiled at him. He smiled back. "It was a nightmare. It kept me up all night. Couldn't think about anything else after waking up. It was terrible." I finally told him. "I'm sorry, I know about those kinds of nightmares. They're even more terrifying than the 'normal' ones. Do you mind telling me what it is about? If you're not ready to tell me yet, I understand." Percy said to me while putting his hand on my shoulder and softly touching it. "No, it's fine, Perce. I need to tell you." I said. "First I saw the necklace but when I wanted to grab it, someone grabbed me. I fell backwards into a void." I told him. Percy was still comforting me. "When I was back in New York, people around me were in this trance. At the same time an eclipse was happening. People started going crazy. They hurt themselves, and others. The whole world was in chaos and mayhem. Disasters were everywhere." Percy was still listening very carefully to me. "And then there was this woman. Only the shape of her I could see. No face. Just her eyes were lit up. She made me feel extremely weak. Told me it was useless fighting, that I should just give in or give up. The worst thing was that I believed her. I wanted to give up. Visions of people dying, killing and hurting filled my head. I could feel life and light dying out." I looked away. I didn't want him to see me like this. He probably thought I was being soft. He grabbed me again and pulled me in. He was hugging me.

"You are okay now, you're safe." Percy finally said.

And he was right. But I couldn't help feeling even more scared than I did before. "It just feels like a great burden, trying to save the world from whomever we are fighting. At Least we know it's a woman." I said to Percy. "It is a great burden. Trust me, I've held the weight of the world once." Percy said. "You did? Gods I know so little about you to be honest." I said while laughing. He smiled at me and pulled me closer to him again. At that moment my fear had abandoned me. It was just me and him. No one could inflict any harm to us. We just sat there. Not saying anything but having that comfortable silence I love having with him. I felt complete.

A few branches cracked behind us. I looked behind me and saw Malcolm walking away.

Shit.

I looked at Percy who just didn't care. I stood up to follow Malcolm. "Let him go, trust me." Percy said. "I'm not letting him go. He's our friend, he just needs an explanation." I told him while walking off. Malcolm was a bit ahead of me but not by much. The sun was now hiding behind the clouds as the weather cooled down. "Malcolm! Wait!" I yelled at him. He kept on walking. "Malcolm please! Just wait one second!" I yelled again. He finally stopped and started walking towards me. "What?" He said annoyed. "Look I'm not sure why you are mad exactly but just let me explain myself to you." I told him. "You don't need to explain anything, I just wanted to give you guys some... space." He said. "Percy found me crying because of a nightmare I had. It was not a fun one so his support was nice. But it was him that found me. If it was you, you would've done the same. And I would've appreciated that as well. Okay?" I explained to him. "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry that nightmare was so terrible for you though. So you guys aren't a thing?" He asked me.

Why did he ask me that?

"It's just I don't want to be like a third wheel on this quest. And it's also about something else." He said to me, looking away. "What something else?" I asked him. "I didn't want to tell you this, because you talk so highly and greatly of Percy. But you deserve to know. Percy was the hero of our camp. He saved the world twice. He had a very special thing with Annabeth. My half sister. She and I were very close. I never really liked Percy, always thought he was up to no good. And I was right. He came up with the quest that was supposed to save the camp from the troubles. He started it and was close to finding out what was causing the chaos. Until he couldn't. He let Annabeth finish it, without him. He said that there was nothing dangerous, the quest just needed someone smart. Someone like Annabeth. So he let her do it. Something happened and she just never returned. If it was him that finished the quest, she would still be alive. And I would still have my sister." He told me. I could see tears forming in his eyes. He was still grieving her. "And to make matters even worse, he left camp after her death. He left a place that had been his home for years. Abandoned it when it needed him most. When WE needed him most." He looked back up at me. Now almost with anger in his eyes. Tears still coming out of his eyes. I was speechless. Percy never mentioned this. But was he really to blame? "It just hurts to see you with him. Seeing him move on, like my sister never existed. To see him possibly ruin another wonderful person." He said.

"He could be the death of you."

I'm so conflicted. I wasn't there when everything went down with Annabeth but Percy retreating wasn't entirely selfish. "I'm not sure what to say Malcolm. I understand your pain. And I can see why you're hurt. And why you're upset at Percy. But it's not fair to blame everything on him. I'm sure he was just grieving." I said to him. Malcolm looked puzzled. "I love you Malcolm, and I appreciate you looking out for me. But me and Percy are not together. So you don't have to worry about it." I said. The last bit made me sad. It was the right thing, because Percy definitely doesn't like me that way. And it would make Malcolm sad. He's still my friend. I wouldn't want to make him feel shitty. "Really? You promise that?" He asked. "I promise." I told him.

After that very depressing morning we decided to start driving again. Malcolm was driving today. This time not putting on his bad 80s songs. Just some acoustic radio station. Today was definitely gloomy. There was a silence hanging, not a comfortable one though. We finally entered Minnesota. It was still pretty much the same landscape as the states before. Mostly small towns that looked deserted, not much interesting nature, only at the places we camped. Sometimes we drove past a forest, sometimes past a lake. But nothing too interesting. Again I was super bored but I probably couldn't ask for another amusement park visit this time.

"So your nightmare had a woman in it, right?" Malcolm suddenly asked. "Yeah, just the shape of a woman though. I couldn't see her clothes or the color of her hair, or her face. Just shimmering purple eyes looking back at me." I told him. "Mhmm, how would you describe her shape?" He asked. "Uhm I don't know. She filled up the sky. Her hair was long and sort of wavy straight. Her hands were long and scary. But that was all I could notice. I was quite scared of her at that moment." I explained to him. "Okay, I'm still lost about who she might be. She could be anyone really." He said. "So you've got zero clue or suspicion about who she might be?" I asked him. "Pretty much zero yeah. Wish I could be of more help, but without a clear image of what she looks like it's going to be hard to figure out." He explained. I nodded and he turned the radio back up.

After around 4 or 5 hours of driving we arrived at a place called Sint Cloud. Where we are going to be setting up camp. Or at least somewhere around the city. It was still gloomy outside. The trees and the grass smelt nice though.

Setting up camp went quick, and it was still pretty early. "Hey! I figured because camp is already set up, maybe we can do something. Grab some burgers at a local diner?" I asked them. Both of them looked at each other. "Uhm not sure if i'm feeling up to it. Just tired from driving." Malcolm said while going in his tent. "I'm tired as well. We'll get something at a diner tomorrow." Percy then said. And before I could say anything else he also went into his tent.

This day has been so depressing. Both Malcolm and Percy are still upset with me. Malcolm because he didn't trust me and Percy because I left to find Malcolm. It was kind of unfair. Both of them were acting like children all the time, fighting each other and just being petty. But I wasn't upset with them. So why did they get to be mad at me? I should be the one that's mad at them. I guess deep down I just knew that if I threw a tantrum or had a breakdown, the quest would be done for. I'm what's keeping them together.

I was pretty tired though. I hadn't gotten any sleep last night so I figured I'd catch up on some. Which turned out to be a good idea because I slept for a total of 11 hours.