Inevitable

Chapter 80

It might be denial. It might be self-preservation. Whatever it was, I felt better about everything. Once I made the decision to not let Henry's absence take over my whole life, my whole mindset changed. I had been on my own for a very long time. I could do it again.

It was the day before the first day of my junior year of college. I was determined to make this year great with or without a boyfriend. Jane and I finished our breakfast and decided to tackle some more unpacking. I had a few hours before I had to start back at my job at the university bookstore. After 2 hours, we managed to put a decent dent in the mess that was our room. I had to leave but Jane said she was going to go food shopping and she would make dinner tonight. She also said she had invited Jess over to keep with our tradition of Sunday dinner.

The five hours I was at work flew by. The day before classes started was the busiest day in the bookstore and I didn't even have a chance to take a break. When I got done, I had a text from Liam asking me how I was feeling. I smiled at his concern. Thankfully, the bagels he brought me took care of the hangover. I texted him letting him know he saved the day. I sent a text to Henry letting him know I was thinking of him but as expected, I didn't get a response.

When I walked in my apartment, I was hit with the smell of tomatoes and garlic. I could definitely get used to having home cooked meals. Jane had made Chicken Parm and spaghetti and a salad. Jess was already here and she gave me the look of concern that made me want to disappear. I didn't want anyone to pity me.

"Hey Em, I heard about Henry. How are you doing?"

"It sucks but I'm choosing not to dwell on it and just enjoy my life. I can't do anything about it so I just have to accept it and move on with my life." I turned and started to walk back to my bedroom to change out of my work clothes. I could feel Jess following me.

"What do you mean move on? Are you two going to break up?" She sat down on my bed as I started to pull out shorts and a T-shirt to change into.

"I don't know. I don't think so. It's all just up in the air right now. I honestly don't know what our future looks like. But I don't want to be sad anymore. So I'm choosing not to be." I took my stuff into the bathroom so I could wash my face. I couldn't look at Jess because I was afraid of the judgement that I was sure was showing on her face. Jess had gone from vehemently opposing my relationship to being it's biggest supporter. Henry and I would have never gotten back together if not for her meddling. Thank god she did. The time we spent together over the summer was magical. I started to feel sad so I finished up and made my way out to my friends so they could distract me.

Jess was setting the table and I went to help her. I could tell she wasn't done with our previous conversation.

"Em, I know this has all been hard on you. And I don't blame you for how you're dealing with it, but you guys are so in love. You have to make it work. You belong together."

I stopped and actually looked at her. The look of concern was still there. I was tired and just not in the mood for pushy Jess.

"Jess, you have no idea what it's been like the past few weeks. And then to wake up today and find out he might be gone indefinitely. How can we make that work? Tell me how. What kind of relationship would that be. I'm lucky if I get one or two texts a day. I'm just supposed to sit around and wait for him to give me the littlest bit of attention."

My voice gradually got louder as I took out my frustrations on my friend. That wasn't fair. That outburst should have been directed at someone else. I collapsed into a chair and hung my head in my hands. What was wrong with me? I felt a presence next to me and then a pair of arms wrapped around my body.

"You're right Em. I have no idea what you are going through. It's not my place to tell you what to do. I'm just really worried about you. You are trying so hard to convince everyone you are fine but I can tell you're not." She leaned away from me giving me some space. Jane came over and sat across from me.

"I'm so sorry Jess. You didn't deserve that. You were just trying to help. I guess I'm not handling things as well as I thought. And the person I should be talking to about it is impossible to get a hold of. I'm just sick and tired of being sad. I don't want to feel like this anymore."

"No need to apologize. I'll be your punching bag if that's what you need from me. I'm here for you. We both are." She took my hand and reached across the table to hold Jane's hand. I felt stronger knowing I had the both of them to lean on.

We finished setting the table and Jane went back in the kitchen. A moment later she placed a platter of chicken and a bowl of pasta on the table. We sat down and dug in.

"Holy crap Jane! This is delicious! I didn't know you could cook like this." Jess said between bites. She was right. It was the best chicken parm I've ever had. We spent the next few hours eating and catching up. Jess told us all about how awkward it was living with Melissa and Jane talked about a trip she took over the summer to Paris.

After we cleaned up and Jess left to go back to her place, Jane suggested we put on our PJs and veg out in front of the tv. I was so grateful that she was staying home tonight. I never heard from Henry the rest of the night but I was ok because I wasn't alone.