Inevitable

Friendly Advice

What the hell was wrong with me? First Liam and now this! How stupid could one person be? As soon as I got outside,the tears started to flow. I walked as fast as I could back to my building. When I got in my room, I didn't even bother getting changed before crawling into bed. I didn't know what I was going to do. I couldn't keep seeing Henry. But I still had strong feelings for him. Why couldn't something work out for me for once? Why couldn't I just meet someone nice?
My phone buzzed letting me know I had a text message. It was from Jane letting me know she was going to the movies with Bill and would be back later. Jess also sent one asking me if I was okay and if I wanted her to come over. I responded that I would probably just go to bed. So much had happened over the weekend. I felt completely exhausted. I was suppose to be having lunch with Henry tomorrow but I didn't know if I wanted to see him right now. I needed to figure out what I wanted. I decided to text him and let him know that I couldn't make it to lunch. I made up an excuse about forgetting about a study group. I felt bad about lying but I wasn't ready to confront him about what my friends had told me. He didn't respond. He had said something about playing at a bar tonight so I assumed that's where he was.
     As tired as I was, I didn't think I would be able to fall asleep yet. It was still early in the night and I had so many thoughts running through my head. I decided to watch some tv to distract me. As I was searching for something to watch, my phone rang. It was Henry. I was tempted not to answer but a part of me wanted to hear his voice.

"Hey. I thought you had a show tonight."

"I do but I don't go on until 9. I just saw your text. Everything okay?"

It was a lot easier to lie in a text message than to actually have to say it loud. At least I didn't have to lie to his face.

"Yeah, I just completely forgot about a study group for my child psychology class. There's a big test on Wednesday. Sorry."

"You sound weird. Are you sure you're okay? I really missed you today. When can I see you again?"

He wasn't making this easy. I wanted nothing more than to be able to forget what my friends told me and keep seeing him.

"I'm just really tired and stressed out with school. I have so much going on this week. I don't know when I'll have any free time."

"Okay....you said you had off from work on Tuesday. Do you want to grab dinner? We can go back to the taco place."

I could feel the urge to cry start to take over again. I really really wanted to go to dinner with him and I knew I shouldn't. I was torn between what I should do and what I wanted to do. It was just so unfair.

I cleared my throat so he wouldn't hear how upset I was. "I can't on Tuesday. I have plans with a friend."

I heard him sigh on the other end. "Did I do something wrong? I feel like you're blowing me off."

I didn't know what to say. I did not want to hash it out over the phone like this. "I told you. I'm stressed out about school. Plus I'm working a lot this week. It's overwhelming."

"Okay, if you say so. I have to go and do a sound check. I guess I'll text you tomorrow. Bye." He hung up. I feel like I just made everything so much worse.
      I wish I could be the type of person to be okay with casual hookups. But I wasn't. I wanted a relationship. If I opened myself up and let someone in, it was a big deal. And I had let Henry in. And there was a good chance I was going to get my heart broken if I didn't get out now. I started crying again. I was just so sad. It felt like I could have really had something with Henry. I felt such a strong connection with him. Unlike anything else I have ever felt before. And it wasn't real.
    I must have fallen asleep with the TV on because the next thing I knew my alarm was going off and the sun was peaking through the curtains. Jane was in her bed. I didn't even hear her come in last night. My first class was at 9:30. I reluctantly dragged myself out of bed and grabbed my stuff for the shower. I felt hungover even though I hadn't drank anything last night. I guess it was from all the crying.
    I wished I could have stayed in bed all day but school was too important to me. My personal life might be a mess but I wasn't going to let that affect my grades. I had 3 classes on Mondays plus I worked in the afternoon. At least if I was busy, I wasn't thinking about everything. The day flew by in a blur.
    I didn't hear from Henry all day and I didn't text him either. I wasn't ready for what had to come next. My friends all sent me messages asking if I was okay. I lied and said I was fine. I lied and said it wasn't a big deal because we only went out once. I couldn't let them know that I was starting to fall for him. I also got a message from Liam saying he was looking forward to dinner tomorrow. It would be so much easier if I felt for Liam what I felt for Henry. That was going to be another hard conversation to have.
   Tuesday wasn't as hectic as Monday. I only had two classes and I didn't have to work. I always met up with Jess for lunch on tuesdays. I hadn't really talked to her since Sunday night. I had a feeling she was going to want to talk about Henry. When I got to the pizza place in the student union where we always ate, she gave me a big hug and asked me several times if I was okay.

"I'm fine. How many times do I need to say it? It was one date. I'll get over it." I hoped I sounded convincing.

"Alright, I'll stop. I was just so worried about you after you ran out of dinner on Sunday. And I know you like to be alone when you're upset so I didn't want to bother you. Have you talked to him yet?"

"Not really. We had a brief phone conversation on Sunday night that didn't end well but I haven't said anything to him yet about what you guys told me. I don't know what to say."

I felt her eyes on me as we grabbed our food and sat down at a table.

"I was at Nick's last night and Henry didn't come out of his room at all. Nick said he had been in a bad mood all day."

I didn't know how to feel about that. Was he upset because this was all a game to him and he had a setback or did he actually care? I hated that I doubted everything that happened between us. After I didn't respond to what she said, Jess thankfully changed the subject.

"And what's going on with Liam? I ran into him this morning and he said you two had a date tonight. You didn't tell me that!"

"It's not a date. We are meeting up for dinner. He wants to talk. He thinks he has feelings for me now. After all this time, he's decided he wants to be more than friends. That's a whole other confusing situation. Why can't things be simple? Why can't anything be easy?"

Jess looked at me with sympathy in her eyes.
"Do you still have feelings for Liam?"

"I don't know. I was ready to close the book on him forever. I was ready to move on. But I don't want to lose him as a friend. So I owe it to him to at least hear him out."

I was so frustrated with all the drama that happened over the weekend. Maybe my best friend could give me some insight on what to do.

"I think you should give him a chance. We know he's a good guy. We saw how faithful he was to his girlfriend last year. That's the kind of guy you should be with. And what you felt for him doesn't just go away overnight. And yes what he said to you the other night was messed up. But he apologized. Anyway, that's my two cents on the subject."

Wow, I did not expect her to push for Liam and I to get together. I couldn't deny that everything she said made sense. What if I did give Liam a chance? Things weren't going to work out with Henry anyway. I guess it was something to think about.

"I don't know what I'm going to do. So much has happened over the past few days. It's a lot to sort through."

Jess spent the rest of lunch filling me in on what was going on between Jane and Bill. I was glad one of us was getting the happy ending they deserved.