Inevitable

Those three little words

After lunch, I went back to my room to take a nap. I was done my classes for the day and I wasn't meeting Liam till 6. As hard as I tried, I couldn't fall asleep. I kept thinking about what Jess said. Should I give Liam a chance? I guess it didn't hurt to stay open to the possibility. I also couldn't stop thinking about what I was going to say to Henry. Would I actually be able to go through with it when I saw him in person? I decided to text him and ask if he wanted to meet up sometime tomorrow. I couldn't put it off any longer.
    He never responded to me. I hated leaving it unresolved. Hopefully, I would hear back from him before the end of the day. After a while, I gave up on sleeping and decided to just get ready.
   Around 5, my phone buzzed. I was hoping it was Henry but it was Liam asking me to meet him outside my dorm at 6 so we could walk downtown together. At 6, I made my way downstairs. When I walked outside, he was waiting for me. I felt butterflies in my stomach when I saw him. I guess I still had feelings for him. He hugged me and I smelled the familiar cologne. Maybe this could work.
    He took my hand and started walking in the direction of downtown. One block off of campus, there was strip of restaurants, bars, and stores that was referred to as "downtown."

"You look pretty, Em. Thanks for giving me another chance. I thought we could go to that Chinese place you like with the really good fried rice."

I was flattered by his compliment. The weather had turned a little bit cooler since the weekend. I was wearing skinny jeans, a tank top, and my favorite blue cardigan. I didn't feel like I needed to dress up for Liam. We knew each other so well and were so comfortable with each other.

"Thanks. Chinese sounds good. I haven't eaten there in forever." Truthfully, Liam and I use to eat there all the time last year. But since he was so busy this year, we haven't been back. It was a short ten minute walk to the restaurant. Liam didn't let go of my hand the whole time and it felt weird. To have him treating me this way felt strange. Could I get used to it? I didn't know the answer to that.
The restaurant wasn't too crowded since it was a weeknight. We got a table towards the back. Our waiter brought us menus along with fried noodles and duck sauce. We both knew exactly what we were ordering without looking at the menu. Liam always got General Tso' s chicken and I always ordered shrimp fried rice. We had so many good nights in this place last year. It felt comforting being back here with him after so much time. I missed spending time with him. I didn't realize how much until this very moment. He was a huge part of my first year in college and it made me sad that we grew apart this year. No matter what happened between us, I didn't want to lose his friendship.
After we ordered, Liam took my hands in his. I guess we were doing this.

"Em, I really need to apologize again for what I said Friday night. It was not what I meant at all. You didn't deserve that."

"I know you didn't mean it. It's not something you would ever say."

"There is so much I want to say to you. I guess I should just start from the beginning. So last year, spending so much time with you, I started to see you as more than a friend. But I was still with my girlfriend, Lily. And I loved her and I was determined to make long distance work with her. So I tried to tell myself that what I felt for you was just me missing my girlfriend. And then I realized you were feeling the same thing."

He knew! I guess I wasn't very good at hiding my feelings. I was so embarrassed!

"That made it so much harder to deny what was happening between us. Do you remember that night last spring when we ate dinner here and then ended up going for a walk all over campus. There was a beautiful sunset we watched on the steps of the science building. I wanted to tell you that night but I chickened out. I knew I needed to end things with Lily before anything happened with you."

I did remember that night. It was probably one of my favorite nights in college so far. I had no idea what was actually going on. I tried to imagine how different everything would have been this year if he had told me that night that he had feelings for me.

"I went home for summer break planning on breaking up with Lily. It wasn't fair to her if I wasn't completely invested in our relationship anymore. But when we were back together again, it felt like it had before we went away to college. I decided to try to make it work again. I thought everything was going well but after a few weeks, she started acting weird. Then one day in July, she told me that things weren't the same between us and that we had grown apart. She broke up with me. I was crushed. We had been together for 3 years. I didn't know how to live my life without her in it."

He stopped at this point and looked down at his hands. I could tell that he was still hurting over the breakup. He hadn't told me any of this before. I really had no idea what has been going on in his life this past year. Our waiter brought our food to the table and neither one of us made a move to start eating.

"Liam I'm so sorry. I had no idea that you were going through all of that."

"I pushed you away this year. Part of me blamed you for the breakup. I kept thinking that if I had never met you, maybe Lily and I could have made it work. I joined the frat to forget about you and to forget about Lily. I hooked up with a bunch of random girls to make the pain go away. I was such an idiot. Lily and I were never meant to be together. I realize that now. You are the most incredible person I've ever met. You are beautiful and so kind. You are always trying to take care of everyone around you. You're sincere and smart. I should have told you all this sooner. And I messed it up the other night. But I'm not going to give up. I want to be with you. I love you. I think I always have."