Inevitable

What's Real?

It wasn't real. It never was. I was humiliated. Henry was not the person I thought he was. He was exactly who everyone said he was. A player. And I fell for it. God, I was such an idiot!

I watched as he ended his call and turned to walk back to me. I wanted to run away but I felt paralyzed. I was in shock. I felt lightheaded.
   He sat back down next to me and looked at me with concern in his eyes. He tried to hold my hand but I quick pulled away.

"What's wrong Em? You're white as a ghost."

I took a deep breath and just blurted it out.

"Did you tell your friends that you were going to fuck Jess's prissy friend to get back at her for being a bitch?"

I felt like I was going to cry  but I pushed it down. His eyes went huge and he at least had the decency to look regretful.

"Em you don't understand. I said that when I was mad at Jess. I didn't know you then. Everything changed when I got to know you. Please listen to me. I'm so sorry. I should have never said that. I was being a dick."

He looked desperate. I didn't believe any of it.

"Well everyone thinks you did it. It was the topic of conversation at your apartment this morning. It's.....disgusting. I feel like I don't even know you."

"Shit! I'll fix this. I'll tell them nothing happened and I don't care about getting back at Jess anymore. I'll tell them that your my girlfriend. That this is for real. I swear Em. This stopped being about Jess a while ago."

"When?"

"When what?"

"When did this stop being about getting revenge on Jess?"

He looked guilty. I wasn't going to like the answer to that question.

"Em, please. It doesn't matter anymore."

"It matters to me. Tell me when."

He looked down and ran his hand through his hair.

"When we went to the Mexican restaurant. That's when I started to have feelings for you."

I couldn't hold back my tears anymore.

"So our first kiss wasn't real. It was just a game to you. And everything you said to me when we were out on your balcony that first night. It was fake. I told you personal things about myself. I'm so stupid."

He tried to take my hand again but I stood up to get away from him.

"I'm so sorry. You aren't stupid. I am. I'm fucking this up so bad. I love you Em. Please believe me."

"Please don't say that to me right now. I don't think I believe it. I think you should go."

"No, I'm not leaving you like this. Please. I'll make this right. I'll do whatever it takes."

People were starting to stare. I had to get back to my room. I grabbed my trash and walked away from the bench. Henry followed me. When I got to my building, I stopped and turned to Henry.

"I want you to go."

"No, not like this."

"Henry please. If you care about me like you say you do, you'll go."

He stared at me for a few moments like he wasn't going to give in. He finally sighed and said, "Fine. But I'm not giving up. I meant it when I said I love you."

He turned around and walked over to his car. I watched him get in, start the engine and pull away. I took the steps up to my floor to avoid running into anyone. When I got into my room, I collapsed onto my bed and finally let myself fall apart.

I lost track of time. My phone kept buzzing. I ignored it for a while and finally just shut it off. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. It hurt so much. I thought I loved him. I felt broken. I must have fallen asleep. I woke up to Jane coming home. It was dark out. I didn't want to talk so I pretended to still be asleep. She grabbed some things and left again. She had a boyfriend who actually cared about her.
After she was gone, I dragged myself out of bed. I searched my room for food and found a granola bar. It would have to do. There was no way I was leaving this room to get something to eat. I decided to take a shower. It didn't help. Everything that happened was my fault. I let myself fall for it. Everyone tried to warn me and I didn't listen. I had no one to blame but myself. I knew it was too good to be true for someone like Henry to be interested in someone like me. I crawled back into bed and put Netflix on. I finally turned my phone back on. I had missed calls and texts from everyone. Jane and Jess called and texted me several times throughout the day. Even Liam had called me. I forgot about what had happened last night with him. Henry ruined any chance for Liam and I to be together. And for what? A stupid game! There was a missed call from Henry. I still couldn't talk to him.
I wished I could just go home. I had to get through 3 more weeks. So many relationships ruined. I didn't know if things would ever be the same with Jess and Liam. How did I manage to make such a mess of my life? I fell asleep a little while later feeling lower than I had ever felt before.