Inevitable

Chapter 82

When we finished making love, because that's what it was, I laid my head on Henry's chest so I could hear his heartbeat. I was still having trouble believing he was actually here with me. In the back of my brain, I remembered I had a roommate who could come home at anytime but I couldn't get myself to care. I wanted to stay right where I was for as long as possible.

"I texted Bill earlier and asked if Jane could stay at the apartment tonight. We have the place to ourselves tonight." He must have read my mind. I hummed in response. I didn't really want to talk about anything either. I wanted to be fully in the moment.

"So this is your place?" Henry asked and I couldn't help the giggle that escaped me. It was completely dark in the whole place and we were a little distracted when we walked in. He always made me laugh. His body shook with laughter too. I lifted my head and rested my chin on his chest so I could look at him. The moonlight was streaming through the window next to my bed and Henry's face was illuminated. He looked tired. He was clean shaven, probably for the meeting earlier. His hair had also recently been trimmed. I don't know why but the thought of him having a place to get a haircut in Brooklyn bothered me. He was settling in there.

He brought a hand up to my face and cupped my chin. He was looking for any changes like I had done to him. But I was still the same old me. He was the one who's whole world had just been changed. We laid there staring at each other. Could we make this work? We would be living two separate lives essentially. Our relationship would consist of phone calls and FaceTime. And those weren't guaranteed because his schedule would be even crazier than it has been.

The insecure part of me thought of how boring I was compared to his new world. He would be in New York City meeting new interesting people. Playing to huge crowds of fans, probably mostly female. How could I compete with that? But the way he was looking at me right now. I knew he loved me. I've never doubted that for a second.

"Tell me what you're thinking Em. Please." How could I burden him with my insecurities when he had realized his life long dream today? We should be celebrating.

"I'm so proud of you Henry. I knew this was how today was going to go. It was inevitable." I used to think us being together was inevitable but I'm not so sure anymore.

"Thank you Em. That's not what I meant though. I guess a better question is how are you feeling?" His hand moved to my back and started rubbing circles. I had to turn my face away from him because I didn't want to slip and let him see what I was really feeling. His other hand came up and turned my face back to him and I was shocked at what I saw. He was angry.

"Would you stop doing that? Stop hiding from me. Stop showing me what you think I want to see. Fuck Em! I can handle whatever you throw at me. Just be real for once!" I felt my own anger start to rise up in me. All the emotions I've been suppressing for weeks started coming to the surface and I finally had the person who caused these feelings in me in front of me.

"What do you want me to say Henry? That I'm miserable without you. That I'm so angry and sad all the time because you made me promises that you aren't going to keep. That I'm terrified that you are going to make this whole new exciting life for yourself and I'm going to be left behind. I hate myself for feeling this way. It's fucking pathetic." By the end of my tirade, I was practically yelling. Henry no longer looked angry. He looked pained. Like my words had physically hurt me. This is why I didn't want to say anything. It didn't help anyone.

"Yes. That's what I want you to say to me. I want the truth from you. Always."  He leaned forward and gently kissed my forehead. I felt the tension that I've been holding onto slowly melt from my body. It was liberating expressing my anger to Henry. Bottling it up was hurting me. Hurting us.

"If you asked me right now to give all of it up for you, I would." I would never ask that of him but I believed him when he said he would leave it all behind for me.

"No, that's not what I want. I fell in love with you, all the parts of you. From the moment I saw you singing at that frat party, I knew you were special. I'm being selfish. I'm being a brat. I just miss you so much. I can do better." My voice cracked at the end because tears were threatening to spill over. At the heart of the matter, I was scared I was going to lose him again.

"Shhhh baby. You aren't being selfish. I am. What I'm asking of you, it's too much. I know. I'm supposed to be here, taking care of you, loving you the way you deserve. Fuck, you are the reason we even have this record contract. The music you've inspired me to write since I met you is....something else. You deserve better than this. If you decide it's not what you want anymore, I wouldn't blame you. But I can't let you go."

He pushed me back and maneuvered himself so that he was hovering above me. He kissed my cheek. Then my neck. He worked his way down my body leaving a trail of kisses. He stopped when he had made his way to my inner thigh. I was panting in anticipation of what was coming next. For a moment, he didn't move. All I could feel was his breath on my skin. Then he was on me. His arms wrapped around my thighs and pulled them wide open. He lowered his head and barely flicked his tongue on my clit but I was so worked up that I arched my back at the sensation. He clamped his mouth down on the overstimulated bundle of nerves and started sucking. My hands went to his hair and I held him place so he wouldn't stop. After of few minutes of his tongue massaging my clit, I went over the edge. I yelled out his name as my hips tried to lift up but he held me in place with his strong arms that were wrapped around my thighs. He kept going till I was done riding out my climax. When my body deflated, he released me and kissed his way back up my body.

"I'm not done with you yet." He growled into my ear when he reached my neck. He pushed into me and it burned a little after so much attention but it was a good burn. This time was the opposite of the first. It was fast and rough and I loved it. At some point, Henry stopped and rolled me over and pulled my hips up before slamming into me again. When he was like this, like he had lost control, it awakened something inside me. It made me want to lose control with him. He picked up the pace and I leaned into everything he was giving me.

He slowed down and his hands released my hips and then he was grabbing my arms and pulling me up. I had to arch my back and he held my arms to keep me steady. My head fell back against his chest and I was completely his. He released my arms but one hand grabbed both my wrists and held them behind me while the other hand wrapped around to my front and went to the spot where he was pushing inside of me. His thumb found my clit and starting making circles. I didn't think it was possible but I felt another climax building. He thrust into me hard and I went over the edge yelling out his name. He grunted and I knew he came at the same time as me. He held me in place as we both rode it out.

I couldn't hold myself up anymore but Henry's arm stayed wrapped around my waist. He let go of my wrists and hugged me even closer. I felt his lips on my shoulders leaving gentle kisses. He maneuvered our bodies to lay down on our sides, his arms never leaving me. I felt sore all over and I was probably going to really be feeling it tomorrow but I didn't care. Nothing would ever compare to being with Henry.