Inevitable

Chapter 53

I didn't even know what he was singing and I was only vaguely aware of Jess dancing next to me. I was in my own little world reliving everything that happened in April. I knew I couldn't avoid dealing with the fallout forever but I always assumed I had until school started. And even then, there was a chance I would never run into Henry. But here he was. I always felt overwhelmed in crowded places but this was something else. I was sad. I was stupid to think I could handle this. It was just too hard to see him.
    Over the next hour, I tried my hardest to pretend I was enjoying myself. I plastered a big smile on my face and danced along with the group. Jess kept giving me a funny look. My friend knew me too well. She knew I was faking it but thankfully she didn't say anything about it. She knew I wouldn't feel comfortable discussing it in front of her friends that I had just met. Henry sounded great as usual. I wish I could have forgotten everything and just enjoyed the show.
    When Henry announced they were taking a 15 minute break, I decided I needed a break too. I made my way to the door and slipped outside. The air wasn't much cooler but I felt relieved to get away from all those people. Part of me wanted to just stay out here the rest of the night. But I couldn't do that to Jess. I was happy to see her. I just wish it had been under different circumstances.
    I leaned against the front of the building and closed my eyes for a few minutes to get my anxiety in check. I could feel someone come up beside me. I quick opened my eyes to see Henry also leaning against the wall beside me. He was looking up at the sky. He looked so beautiful I could have cried.

"I knew you would be out here."

"I needed a break."

"Me too."

He continued to stare up at the sky. There was so much I wanted to say but I couldn't find the words. Just being near him made me feel more alive than I had felt all summer. He finally lowered his head and looked at me. I stared up at those blue eyes that had captured my attention the first time we met. I couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"Em, what are you doing here?"

That was not what I expected him to say. Was he annoyed that I came here to see him? I felt like a fool.

"Jess invited me. I know it's weird. I can go if it makes you uncomfortable."

He grabbed my arm and I felt a bolt of electricity go through me. I missed his touch so much.

"No, don't go. That's not what I meant. I was just surprised when Nick told me you guys were coming. After the way things ended, I figured you never wanted to see me again."

I wanted to tell him that it was actually the opposite and that I missed him more than I realized. I wanted to grab his face and pull it to mine. I wanted to take his hand on my arm and move it to my hip. I wanted to run my hand along the scruff of his beard. But he wasn't mine anymore.

"I couldn't pass on the opportunity to see you play. How are things going? Are you guys playing a lot of shows? This crowd seems to love you, not that I can blame them."

Now I was babbling. I really was an idiot. Henry smiled at me and I felt a little less nervous. He took his hand off my arm and I wanted to stop him. I really had no self-control when it came to him.

"It's going really good. We are traveling a lot. Playing a few shows a week all over the state. Making a lot of good contacts. Who knows what it will lead to? How about you? How's your summer?"

"It's okay. Actually pretty boring compared to yours. Just babysitting and hanging out with some friends. This is the first I've actually been away from home since summer started. But the family I babysit for is going on vacation in two weeks so I'll have off. I was thinking about going to the beach for a few days. I don't know. We'll see."

This was too weird. We were having a normal conversation like we were old friends. Is that what we were now? I didn't want to be his friend. I was still in love with him. I tried to pretend I wasn't but I was lying to myself.
Neither one of us knew what to say next. We both hated small talk. Before it got too awkward, one of Henry's bandmates came out to let him know it was time to go back up on stage.

"Alright, I guess I'll see you around. Bye Em."

"Bye Henry."

And with that, he turned and walked back inside. I had this empty feeling inside me. I wanted so much more from our first conversation. I guess I should be relieved that our first interaction was at least friendly. But there was so much I wanted to tell him. Anything was better than awkward chit chat. I still had no idea what he was feeling. I reluctantly walked back into the club. I found Jess and her friends back over by the bar.

"Hey Em, I saw Henry went outside after you. Did he say anything to you?"

"Uh Yeah, we just talked about what we've been up to over the summer. No biggie."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Okay good because Sue was talking to one of the guys from Henry's band during their break and she invited them back to my house to party after the show."