Johnny Depp's Wild Tea Party

Act 1, Scene 2

Violet Beauregarde: Mr. Wonka? Where are we?

Mike Teavee: Yeah, are you sure you know where you're going?

Willy Wonka: Don't worry, kids; I know where I am. I've just been following this compass I found and compasses are never wrong. (walks onto the stage with the kids right behind him)

Veruca Salt: Who told you that?

Willy Wonka: Charlie Bucket's grandfather, of course. (looks up from the compass, stops walking, and looks around) Oh! Uh... (under his breath) ...Hmmm, I don't recognize this place.

Charlie Bucket: Um, Mr. Wonka? What are we doing on a stage?

Augustus Gloop: Yes, and who are all of these people? (refers to the audience in front of them)

Willy Wonka: (turns around and opens his mouth to speak, then pauses) ...I have no idea.

Mike Teavee: (groans) We're lost, aren't we?

Willy Wonka: No, we are not lost. We probably just got... twisted around somewhere, that's all. No biggie. (looks at the compass again) Now let's see here. We took a right turn at the— (accidentally bumps into Alice Kingsleigh who walks onto the stage from stage left) Oof! (accidentally drops the compass)

Alice Kingsleigh: Oh my goodness, I'm sorry! Let me get that. (bends down to pick up the compass)

Willy Wonka: No it's okay, it was just an accident. (gently brushes his coat with one hand and turns to face Alice)

Alice Kingsleigh: (gives the compass back to Willy and looks at him with wide eyes) ...Hatter? (gasps, then smiles) It's you! (hugs Willy tightly) I've found you, thank goodness!

Willy Wonka: Uh... (awkwardly pries Alice off of him and pushes her away from him) Sorry whoever you are, but I'm not this "Hatter" you're talking about, whoever or whatever that is. Plus, I'm not a big hugger.

Alice Kingsleigh: (pauses) You're not the Hatter?

Willy Wonka: No, I'm Willy Wonka.

Alice Kingsleigh: Oh! I'm sorry, I—

Violet Beauregarde: Hey, who are you?

Alice Kingsleigh: (looks at the group of children curiously) My name is Alice Kingsleigh. And you are?

Violet Beauregarde: I'm Violet Beauregarde.

Mike Teavee: I'm Mike Teavee.

Augustus Gloop: I'm Augustus Gloop.

Veruca Salt: I'm Veruca Salt.

Charlie Bucket: And my name is Charlie Bucket.

Alice Kingsleigh: A pleasure to meet all of you. (looks back at Willy) Again, I'm very sorry sir. I thought you were my friend. None of you have seen him by any chance, have you?

Willy Wonka: No, I don't think so. Kids? (the kids all shake their heads no) What does your friend look like?

Alice Kingsleigh: Um... That might be rather difficult to explain.

Charlie Bucket: What do you mean, Miss Kingsleigh?

Alice Kingsleigh: You see, my friend has a rather unique appearance.

Charlie Bucket: Unique? How so?

Alice Kingsleigh: Well...

(Everyone suddenly hears crazed, yet very cheerful laughter coming from nowhere. Tarrant Hightopp, aka the Mad Hatter, dances onto the stage and stops near Alice and Willy)