(Barkis, Jim, Lady Van Tassel, the Horseman, Davy Jones, Salazar, Mort, Cavendish, Beadle Bamford, Signor Pirelli, Dr. Wonka, and Emily run towards the group to attack, but the adults start to fight with 'Two Hornpipes' playing in the background on a loop. Iracebeth, Mirana, Mrs. Lovett, Kim, Katrina, Elizabeth Stoddard, Victoria Winters, Victoria Everglot, and Red run off to hide)
Augustus Gloop: Oh my! Look at them go!
Violet Beauregarde: Hey... What are we doing just standing around? We should be fighting!
Mike Teavee: Is now really a good time for a petty argument?
Veruca Salt: (slaps Mike with the back of her hand) No! She means we should be fighting them! (points at the villains)
Mike Teavee: Oh... Well, what are we waiting for? Get 'em!
(The four kids charge at the villains. Violet steps into the fight between the pirates and glares at Salazar and Jones)
Violet Beauregarde: Leave the pirates alone, squid-face!
Davy Jones: (laughs mockingly) Really, Sparrow? Having a little girl come to save your sorry hide?
Captain Salazar: I agree; that is truly pathetic.
Violet Beauregarde: You call this 'pathetic'? (starts beating them up with various karate moves; Jack, Will, Elizabeth, and Angelica stare at the girl in shock)
Mike Teavee: Go, Violet! Punch him in the thymus gland! (runs over to Jim)
(Veruca pounces onto the Judge's back and starts pulling his hair with all her might)
Veruca Salt: Stay away from him!
Judge Turpin: (screams in surprise) What are you doing?! Get off of me, you little brat!
Veruca Salt: Never! (wraps her arm around Turpin's neck and attempts to strangle him)
Augustus Gloop: Yay! Go, Veruca!
Jim: (punches Edward in the face) THIS is for wasting my time! And THIS (knocks Edward to the ground) is for keeping me up all night! (starts beating Edward with a metal bat) And THIS is for stealing my girl! And THIS is for not breaking however many times I wanted to hit you! (Mike grabs the bat when Jim raises it up for another blow)
Mike Teavee: Hey step off, you creep!
Jim: What the?! (looks back at Mike) Back off, kid! (attempts to punch Mike, but Mike quickly dodges every blow) Would you hold still?!
Mike Teavee: Not a chance, dude. (scoffs) Who says you can't learn anything from video games?
Augustus Gloop: (looks to see John Reid and Tonto in trouble; he runs over to Cavendish ad jumps onto him) Dogpile!
Butch Cavendish: Agh! What the hell?! (struggles to get Augustus off of him) Get off, you little butterball! I said get off of me! You're crushing my ribcage!
John Reid: He's good.
Willy Wonka: (struggles to get Dr. Wonka off of him) Dad, stop! This isn't you! Please, listen to me!
Dr. Wilbur Wonka: Not until you give up this pointless, meaningless excuse of a career!
Willy Wonka: Pointless?! Meaningless?! You were proud of me.
Dr. Wilbur Wonka: I have had enough of your foolishness, William! This ends NOW! (raises a sharp dental drill over his head, hoping to strike Willy with it)
David Collins: Mr. Wonka! (grabs Dr. Wonka's arm, snatches the drill out of his hand, and throws it off stage. Willy then pushes Dr. Wonka off of him with his legs and gets back onto his feet)
Willy Wonka: Whoa. Thanks, David.
David Collins: No problem, sir. (runs over to Ichabod with Willy running to Victor who is fighting Lord Barkis)
Mort Rainey (in John Shooter's voice): Hey, you little pale BITCH! (raises his shovel to hit Mirana with it; she screams in fright before Tarrant grabs the shovel) Huh? (turns around to see Tarrant crazily grinning at him; he snarls at Tarrant) Give me back my shovel, you wall-eyed clown!
Mad Hatter: Stay away from my Queen! (throws the shovel out of Mort's hands and punches him right in the face which knock him out instantly. He looks at Mirana and breathes deeply) Are you alright?
White Queen: (nods and smiles) Yes, thanks to you my dear friend.
Lord Barkis Bittern: This is for stealing my bride! (holds up a sword and prepares to stab Victor with it, until Willy blocks the attack with his cane. Barkis gasps, then snarls at Willy) Out of my way, fool.
Willy Wonka: No way, creep. (raises his cane and smacks Barkis with it many times until he finally passes out back stage. Willy comes back over to Victor) You okay?
Victor Van Dort: Yes. Now let's go help our friends. (runs over to Tonto and John to help with Cavendish while Willy runs over to Barnabas to help him with Angelique)
Red Harrington: (turns to face Iracebeth, Mirana, Mrs. Lovett, Kim, Katrina, Elizabeth Stoddard, Victoria Winters, and Victoria Everglot) Ladies, I think I'm gonna need your help.
Kim Boggs: Help with what?
Red Harrington: Could one of you be a doll and grab me a chair?
(The other girls look at each other in confusion before Mrs. Lovett goes off stage, returns with a chair, and sets it in front of Red, who places her prosthetic leg on it. The other girls look at it in shock)
Elizabeth Collins-Stoddard: What the hell is that?
Red Harrington: Ivory. But no time to explain; the boys are in trouble. I need a couple o' you gals to aim this little thing right at that headless fellow. We're gonna blow him to smithereens.
(Victoria Everglot and Mirana nervously look at one another before going to help Red. They try their best to aim it)
White Queen: I'm not certain this is a wise decision, Miss Harrington.
Red Harrington: It's the only option we have. But it's almost there, don't worry.
Victoria Everglot: Um, pardon me for asking this but... how did you acquire this appendage?
Red Harrington: Almost, and... right... (a trigger suddenly pops out of the leg and a gun barrel emerges from the heel) ...THERE! (fires at the Headless Horseman who falls on his back in surprise. The other girls stare at Red in shock) What do you know? It worked.
(The Horseman immediately rises and marches towards them)
Katrina Van Tassel: It's working too well, IT'S WORKING TOO WELL!
Victoria Winters and Victoria Everglot: Run!
(Alice runs back on stage with a large sword in her hands and lashes out at the Horseman. The two begin to fight, leaving the rest of the girls in awe, except Mirana and Iracebeth)
Elizabeth Collins-Stoddard: Where did she learn how to swordfight like that?
Red Queen: Don't ask me.
(Everyone was so enthralled in the fight that they hadn't noticed that the Wolf has snuck offstage with Charlie still in his grip. The rest of the villains have either been knocked out, killed, or released from their curse; the group of heroes and heroines are seen gasping in exhaustion and wheezing for air)
YOU ARE READING
Johnny Depp's Wild Tea Party
HumorWhat would happen if some of the most iconic characters portrayed by Johnny Depp ended up in the same room together?
