billie
"how are you doing billie?" Dr.Francisco asks as I take a seat on her couch.
"I'm good, how are you doc?" I ask slouching in my seat.
"I'm good but lets start over, how are you billie?" she asks raising an eyebrow, "you don't have to feel the need to lie, be as open as you want and if you don't have an answer for me that's fine, we can always come back around to that question" she tells me paging through her notebook.
"uhh" I drag out with my eyes dotting around the room and take the pillow to put it on my lap to play with it, "I'm fine" I shrug.
"that's a lie" I tell her with my eyebrows furrowing, "I don't know how I am" I add making her smile slightly while noting down.
"I'm glad you were able to tell me it was a lie" she says with a nod, "but on our first session last week we got to talk about you and you talked about summer a lot whenever you were talking, I want to talk about her today if you don't mind" she asks.
"not at all"
"tell me about summer. how did you guys meet and what is she like?" she asks suddenly interested.
"I meet summer some restaurants I went to with my family some years back and I remember seeing her with some friends and she looked sooo good and I don't mean that in a sexual way whatsoever, so just looked so beautiful"
FLASHBACK
"how about you billie? I feel like we barely see you since you've moved out" my mom says making me look up from my plate.
"work is fine, I've been feeling a little uninspired lately but it's fine, there is no rush" I shrug with my eyes moving behind to see a group of girls talking and eating a few tables down.
"that's okay sweetie, also the way you speak off.." I tune out my mom's voice as I stare at a girl on the near end of the table, I redirect my eyes to my mom and give her a nod as if I was listening before I look past her again.
I just so happen to catch her eyes when she turns her head, I give her a small smile which she returns before looking back at her plate, "yeah no I get it mom" I say looking back at my mom.
"okay, thank you" she says giving my hand a squeeze, finneas chuckles obviously knowing I wasn't listening. I watch with the corner of my eye as the girls get up to pay before they walk out of the restaurant.
"uh I will be right back" I say getting up and ran out after them, I found them all giving each other hugs and I stand aside waiting before I softly try and get the girl's attention.
"hi" I smile putting my hands in my pockets.
FLASHBACK OVER
"and I remember being so nervous" I tell dr.Francisco as I scrunch up my face, "but I got her number and a few weeks after I took her on our first date" I grin at the memory.
"things were so good back then until my head started getting turned and I was rising more into fame, there were always girls around. I just wish I would hav e stayed focused on summer and only summer" I say running my tongue over my teeth.
"because she's the one and I know it, as soon as I got to know her, I knew she was my endgame" I say letting out a shaky sigh, "I had painted a future with her, a wedding that she always wanted and kids whenever she was ready"
"when was the first time you were disloyal to her?"
"about two or three months after we made it official and I was completely wasted at a party, I woke up at a hotel the next day. I didn't even see her for a week after that" I shake my head.
"what made you not tell her?"
"she was cheated on on her previous relationship. and I remember she went on telling me how it doesn't matter whether you're wasted or not. cheating is cheating and it can not be forgiven" dr.Francisco nods listening.
"what happened when you finally saw her?"
"nothing, we weren't even sexually active by that point in our relationship and she told me she was ready for that extra step but I told her I wasn't just because I felt so guilty but then if I had told her I would have lost her. so then I took her on many dates to try and make up for it, I started buying material things for her to try and patch that up" I shrug.
"but I didn't stop, I continued being disloyal to her and the more it went on, I would come home with another even more expensive gift" I say biting my inner cheek.
"do you think you loved summer?" dr.Francisco asks.
"definitely. as I said, I saw a whole future with her. I just ruined it before it started" I say biting my bottom lip, "I always knew that I eventually will settle down with her and have our life but every time we were together it felt like we moved a step closer to that life and as much as I wanted it, I was scared shitless"
"what scared you so much?"
"wish I could tell you" I shrug.
