consistency

forty nine

summer
I stare at the familiar ring with wide eyes before opening my mouth and close it again staring at the ring, "billie" I call out.

"yes baby" she calls out from the tub, I walk into the bathroom showing her the ring I found in her bag, "what's this?" I ask her making her eyes widen.

"it's not what you think" she says quickly, "I'm not going to propose or anything, I promise" I let out a breath of relief as I close the box.

"then why do you have this with you?" I ask putting it on the bathroom counter.

"I always keep it on me, that's all" she raises her hands, "but I was thinking.. I know this isn't ideal but maybe you could keep it" she says indicating for me to come closer.

"and you can give it back to me once you're ready to get married but I want you to keep it because I know for sure that.. that's the ring" she gives my hand a squeeze.

"you want me to keep the ring?"

"yeah" she nods, "again.. I know it's not ideal but I want you to have control here, i want things to be your ways" she tells me looking up at me with a slight smile.

"also.. get in the tub with me" she says bouncing her brows.

"turn around" I tell her.

"baby, I-"

"turn around billie" she shuts up turning around as I take off my bikini and get in opposite her, "you can turn back now" I say using the bubbles to hide my chest.

"so what do you say.. are you keeping the ring?"

"yeah, of course" I nod making her smile.

billieeilish

liked by reedxsummer and 11 842 257 others.
billieeilish my muse.

"when can I ask you to be my girlfriend again?" billie asks as she rubs my legs, my feet are propped on her chest as I am sitting across her- between her legs in the tub.

"I don't know" I shrug leaning back, "I have questions actually.. one question that keeps lingering in my brain"

billie sighs glancing at me before she nods letting me ask, "did you ever fall in love with one of the girls you were with? I mean was there another that you treated onto dates and shit" I ask her.

"no" she shakes her head, "I've never cared for another female the way I cared for you, whenever I showed it" she tells me as she also leans back.

"as horrible as it may sound.. I never did anything that isn't.. sex with anyone, I never did dates with anyone" she tells me making me nod slowly.

it's horrible to say that it makes me feel slightly better.. I don't know what I'd do if she fell in love with someone else and I turned out to be her side while she went on dates and treated the other girl the way I've wanted to be treated.

"when was the last thing you were intimate with someone?" I ask her.

"the last person was you, a few days before the proposal" she shrugs with a small smile, "I tried a few months after to get with someone while I was drunk but i needed up pushing her away and ran out like an idiot" she chuckles.

"god that time was bad" she mutters.

"what happen?"

"I don't know.. I just fell into alcohol abuse and I was drunk the whole time and I remember one night I went back home and suddenly I was.. suicidal, I was back in that position of 16 year old me and it was so scary" she whispers the last part.

"I stood in front of the mirror wanting to pull down my pants and cut my dick off" she chuckles shaking her head, "my main problem was keeping it in my pants so I thought if I had nothing to keep in my pants then the problem will be fixed"

"I was so drunk and I was actually going for it, I have a scar from that moment but just then finneas had called, I mean he probably saved my life and he doesn't know it because I would have bled out on the bathroom floor" I press my lips in a thin line hearing this.

"and it was not your fault before you apologize.. it was me, I'm the one that was spiraling and acting out" she tells me making eye contact.

"well.. for what it's worth.. I'm glad you didn't do it" I tell her with a small nod, "I'm glad you're still here with us, with me and adalyn" I smile at her.

"I'm glad I am too" she presses a kiss to the curve of my foot making me laugh of how ticklish it feels.