TRIGGER WARNING: implied/referenced self-harm, mention of cuts and blood throughout.
Ramping up the angst, somehow, or maybe it's the dramatic dialogue. Idk. Things get more dramatic, you know the drill.
Chapter Text
He did, however, wake up just in time to make it to the bathroom before his stomach emptied itself into the toilet. That burger had really been a terrible idea, but he'd been feeling spontaneous and it had somehow gotten Todoroki to open up.
Bakugou heaved into the toilet again and winced before falling back against the wall. The cold sweat and the burning sensation were nothing new to him. Todoroki, however, was. Somehow, this whole thing had moved past protectiveness over Deku and into what might be considered a real friendship. The training sessions were fun in their own stilted, formal, Todoroki way, and they had undeniably bonded last night. Deku, Todoroki, Kirishima, Shinsou, Kaminari . . . even his coworkers. They were all beginning to feel like permanent, important fixtures in his life. The thought was [you're fucking cursed, Katsuki, you ruin everything you touch] terrifying. They had all ignored every single warning sign that Bakugou had trained himself to give off and they'd wormed their way into his life (some for the second time) and now- now he had no idea what his life would be like without them.
To top it all off, looking at Kirishima and then Todoroki as they told him that they knew he wasn't okay, well, that had really brought this all to a head, hadn't it? Bakugou had- he'd liked it. Some sick, twisted, fucked up side of him had felt seen, felt cared for, and really wouldn't mind if it ever happened again.
He was finally fully losing it, wasn't he? The tapping was just a subconscious action, acknowledged somewhere in the back of his mind as he sat on the bathroom floor and wondered how the fuck he'd gotten himself into this [you are so fucking stupid] predicament. More importantly, how could he get himself out? Every single scenario he could come up with was one that would hurt his friends, and he couldn't. He already would never forgive himself for how he'd treated Deku all those years of trying to push him away for his own good.
Maybe he could just pull back slowly. Answer Shinsou's texts slower, delete his Snapchat so Kaminari couldn't keep sending him wacky filters, drive himself to school so Kirishima wouldn't see him so often. He could stop his training sessions with Todoroki and ignore Deku at work and in class like he tried to in the beginning. Not completely, just enough to bore them all into leaving. There really wasn't much to him anyway. It was a wonder they hadn't all bailed right away-
Oh. He still didn't know if they would after what had happened. He'd just assumed they wouldn't, but the only one he'd talked to who had been present was Kirishima. What if he'd freaked the rest of them out? And what about Todoroki? What if last night had been so horrible he'd never hear from him again? How did he always end up fucking things up so badly? It would be good, though, right? If they'd all been freaked out and never spoke to him again?
He thought about it for a moment, considered what his life would be like alone again, and a horrible, heavy weight settled onto his chest. It felt as if there was a hole tearing itself inside of him. He didn't want to be alone. It had been so long since he'd had friends that he'd forgotten how it felt, but now that he was starting to feel it again he would rather die than go back to being alone. He'd go insane- even more than he felt he was now. He couldn't spend any more extended time alone, weeks on end without a word to anyone, without hearing his own goddamn name. He'd have to move to avoid them, quit his job, drop a class. He couldn't do it.
I care about you, man. Kirishima had told him that, hadn't he? Even if all the others left- he still had Kirishima, didn't he? Or had the other boy just been trying to make him feel better?
