Shouto was not in a good mood. Dabi was lounging on his couch, still wearing his long, dramatic coat and an obnoxiously self-satisfied smirk, and after what had happened the night before, Shouto really didn't feel like dealing with him.
But Dabi couldn't let him be, of course.
"Why so sour, Little Brother?" he asked. Shouto refused to turn and look at him as he poured himself a glass of water.
"I don't want to talk to you right now," he said flatly.
"Come on now, don't be like that. Did I mess with your little boyfriend too much?"
"I don't have a boyfriend," Shouto scoffed.
He heard Dabi shifting behind him and finally turned to see that he'd moved around to look at Shouto, shit-eating grin still in place. Shouto leveled his most unimpressed stare back at him.
"But you want one. Or so."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Shouto asked, leaning against the counter and taking a drink of his water so he wouldn't fidget. Damn Dabi and his observational skills. He should've known the man would see right through him, even if they hadn't spoken for several years.
"Wow, bringing out the swearing." Dabi almost seemed impressed. "Look, I'm just trying to help you figure some shit out. And maybe I think it would be funny if dear old Dad had to see you with two boyfriends."
Shouto choked on his water. "Two boyfriends?"
"Oh for fucks sake. Do I have to spell it out for you? That little broccoli kid was obvious, I've known you were smitten with that one since we started talking again. But the scowling pretty boy was a surprise I couldn't help but find entertaining." Dabi flopped backward onto the couch again and sighed in exasperation. Shouto was just glad he'd disappeared from view. "I was just trying to make you realize it."
"By flirting with him?" Shouto asked in bewilderment.
"Oh, come on. You were so jealous," Dabi scoffed. "Putting an arm around him, trying to rush me out of there, scowling at me . . . I'm pretty sure everyone in the room picked up on it. Except for Bakugou, probably. Kid's too insecure."
"So you weren't actually trying to-"
"Absolutely not. I may be a felon but I've got some morals. The kid is cute and all but I'm not trying to steal my little brother's soulmate part two. I'm also a little old for your group, I prefer people with a few more years on 'em."
Shouto slumped against the counter in a weird mixture of relief and despair. How had Dabi figured it out? And what the fuck was he supposed to do about it, anyway?
"I appreciate the gesture," he said, "but Bakugou and Izuku are in love with each other."
"Well yeah," Dabi huffed. "That's part of the whole point here. God, imagine the look on Enji's face if you brought two boyfriend's to Natsuo's big birthday bash at the house. What would he think?"
"The fact that that will never happen aside, I doubt he'd be happy to see them again. They were both with me when I smashed the phone."
Dabi bolted upright in glee. "Oh fuck. This is too perfect. Shouto, my dear brother, come on, you have got to get your shit together."
"You want me to date two of my friends at the same time just to piss off Dad?" Shouto asked in disbelief.
"You're happy with your two boyfriends, I'm happy seeing Enji angry, Natsuo gets cake and presents. It's perfect!"
