Crossing Lines

42. Mine

I had to stop running. I'd been ignoring Jake because I was freaking out again. I didn't think I was ready to jump all the way in but that wasn't fair. Jake had been nothing but amazing. He'd never made me feel like I couldn't trust him.

I should be able to trust him with every bit of me but I could feel myself holding back. I was still pulling away trying to protect myself. It wasn't right so I had forced myself to make the short drive to Jake's house.

I had to see him. I had to tell him I was sorry for shutting him out. I needed to make it all right because without him I felt empty.

I felt uneasy as I knocked on the door and waited for someone to answer. I didn't exactly know what I was going to do to fix all this. Was I really ready to tell Jake everything? I didn't think I had the strength to unearth all my demons.

"Oh it's you." Adam frowned at me when he opened the door.

My relationship with Adam was complicated. He was Jake's best friend but I knew he didn't like me all that much. He wanted Jake to be happy and he'd put up with me as long as that was the case. I had some faith he'd warm up to me but by the way he was looking at me I had a feeling he could tell things between Jake and I were rough at the moment.

"Is Jake here?" I questioned.

I knew he would be. Jake had a pretty strict schedule and it rarely changed from week to week. It hadn't taken long for me to learn his routine.

"You know I thought it'd take you a little longer to fuck this up." Adam didn't answer my question.

"Yeah and I'm here to fix it." I told him.

I wanted things to be good between Adam and I. Getting the approval from Jake's friends meant a lot to me and I knew I was not giving Adam the best impression of me.

"He's going to forgive you. Jake's got too big of a heart to not forgive the people he cares about the second they mutter an apology. Don't take advantage of that. He deserves better than someone who's only in half way and just stringing him along."

"I know. I really like him and I don't plan on hurting him." I said truthfully.

"He's in his room." Adam stepped aside letting me into the house.

"Thanks, you're a really good friend to him." I gave Adam a genuine smile.

"I'm happy he found you. When you aren't being an asshole you're really good for him." Adams smile never wavered so I took his words lightheartedly.

I felt good about things as I walked to Nico's room where Jake was still staying. I had hope in creating a possible friendship with Adam. It would take time but he'd warm up to me.

Now all my focus was back on Jake and fixing this. I knocked lightly on the door.

"Come in." Jake's voice was muffled by the closed door.

I eased it open poking my head in. I figured Jake wasn't expecting me so I didn't want to barge in.

"Hey." I greeted him.

Jake turned in surprise. I watched the emotions flicker through his face. The shock then a quick flash of hurt and finally he settled into a neutral face covering it all.

"What are you doing here?" He asked.

"I wanted to talk and mostly just apologize."

"I'm not looking for an apology or whatever. I get if you needed some time but you could've just told me that instead of ignoring me."

"I know, I should have just talked to you but I got all in my head about things and it had everything to do with me and not you. I want to be with you Jake but sometimes I might have freak outs and need some time for myself to deal with it. I'm not very good at letting people in but I promise I'm trying." I confessed.